An entry from ABFH on discrimination

[conuly]

Which is what we're fighting against, of course.

I might as well get rid of some old links as well.

Here's one about a boy who was told not to disclose his spectrum status in front of his class. And another.

A post about... oh, I don't know. Curing and changing and accepting your kids, I guess would be the best summation.

Comments

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

The first link, I guess it all depends on the job. Team dynamics are important, but so is getting the job done. And team dynamics depend more in some career paths than others. So I'm a bit iffy on that, myself. For something that requires skills or technical stuff though, and little people/customer stuff? Who cares?

The second, that seems ridiculous. As far as I know, there is nothing to stop the boys from revealing their status (Finbar now considered on the spectrum by the school for classification/support purposes, with emphasis that it is not a medical DX but a classification for support). I know the teacher cannot tell me as a parent or volunteer why for example one kid has a para, but if C wanted (or could) tell me what she had I don't think anyone would stop her. What if he had an obvious physical disability, would he have to say 'i can't tell you why I cant walk' or during Black History Month can kids not point out that they are black? That's craziness.

And I would think if Teddy (in the article) is getting anything in his IEP about social skills it would be in his best interests that kids are aware and work with him. I know that soon F will get some social speech therapy in school and his IEP SPECIFICALLY states it will go from F to therapist with the goal to do the stuff with peers. And just FYI it was agreed on by all 13 people present, that the only things we deal with are social issues that may cause him anxiety. We all agree that a child has every right to be a loner or whatever AS LONG AS THEY ARE HAPPY. I am extremely fortunate he goes to the school he does. Just in case you or anyone reading this thinks we are trying to "make" F neurotypical. (As if you could.) Just give him skills to lessen anxiety. Ahh this is not the place. But yeah, what a stupid school who is NOT seeing the big picture.

Just in case though, I will try to remember to ask in his school if children are allowed to disclose their status. Just to see what they say and why.

And that makes me think of MY Teddy, who is going to a school that has a specific class FOR kids on the spectrum! I assume people know that's what his class is. He had the same in pre-k. Teachers with some extra training in spectrum disorders, with individualized work stations, lots of PECS stuff, and sensory stuff/near the sensory rooms. (Some kids were half day in those half day mainstreamed. Not T.)

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I will say though about tthe last link (missed it in my tabs), I will have to say although I haven't thought of driving off a bridge, I would be lying if I haven't had excrutiatingly negative thoughts about ANY of the kids. Including T. Maybe even especially. What am I, a robot? Superhuman? Is it ok for me to deny my feelings, or better to acknowledge them and go on? Life with a kid like him can be pretty hard. Not just hard but horrible and painful and frustrating. It also can be pretty amazing and wonderful and exciting and fun. But to say one and not the other would be a lie, and that's one thing I hate to do. Lie. There are times I just cannot handle my kids. (And honestly my biggest problem now is K who is turning into a mouthy brat.)

Yes accept your kids but don't hate parents who have a hard time.

[conuly]

There's a big difference between having a hard time with your kids (I don't think anybody can raise kids and never think bad things about them) and trying to normalize thoughts of homicide against them. Plus, Ms. Singer was a lot creepier than just saying she wanted to kill her kid - she never seemed to even respond to her kid. And she made no acknowledgement that there might be benefits to raising an autistic kid, no matter how hard - which you just did.

I don't think anybody hates parents who are having a hard time. But that doesn't mean I'm going to pretend sympathy for people who, by their actions, show a lack of empathy and feeling for their kids.

[codeman38.livejournal.com]

And she made the statements about wanting to kill her kid in front of her kid. Never mind, y'know, that the kid might actually be able to ::gasp:: understand what she's saying...

[conuly]

And what upset me the most is that the girl clearly loves her mom, spent the whole video hugging her, asking if she was upset, everything.

And her mom didn't even seem to notice.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

That link seemed ok, but I have also seen the opposite, of people who are so plastic about their kids (no matter if they are NT, on the spectrum, disabled, whatever) that you think they are going to crack any second, and even worse, the ones who think that because you're kind of hassled and stress you are clearly incapable of being a parent. You really come across all kinds of parents out there. One of the perks (hahaha) of being a stay at home mom. More exposure to other parents. LUCKY ME.

As long as you aren't the sort (which I don't think you are) to go "you monster, you yelled at your kid/cried/thought about running off to Mexico". Or really, sometimes, and this is only a very very very select few people out there, there are people I will laugh about my kids with. Seriously, some of T's antics are laugh-or-cry situations and it would be cruel to him to share them, or make me look incompetent if I shared them, but I HAVE to share them. But not to everyone. Because either I will get people who think that means they can make fun of my kid all the time, or think I am horrible.

Most of these stories involve feces. And seriously, you HAVE to laugh about that because it's crying or puking in that case. I think I usually flock ANYTHING that is less than flattering about my children, or my family, because it is rude to just leave it completely open like that, and searchable. Same with D. Sometimes I have to vent but it doesn't mean I have to completely totally badmouth him all the time to the general public.

And I still feel with an understanding of your child's specific flavor of autism, you can lessen the REALLY bad bits. Not talking is frustrating and difficult and makes you worry about the future but what I mean is the tantrums or the screaming or the self injury or whatever. THOSE things, if you try to understand what sets it off, what hurts your kid, what frustrates your kid, you can lessen the incidents that make you want to fling yourself out a window. There is a world of difference between being upset that he can't communicate well versus being upset because he has been screaming for 40 minutes and you have NO CLUE WHY and no clue what would stop it. Lucky you, I'm commenting after his first meltdown in weeks so I'm a bit scatterbrained myself about this comment and thread because after the really big ones it's like being blindsided and takes a few hours for mommy to chill out, too. (He's happy and sleeping right now. Cute lil bugger.)

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

The first link, I guess it all depends on the job. Team dynamics are important, but so is getting the job done. And team dynamics depend more in some career paths than others. So I'm a bit iffy on that, myself. For something that requires skills or technical stuff though, and little people/customer stuff? Who cares?

The second, that seems ridiculous. As far as I know, there is nothing to stop the boys from revealing their status (Finbar now considered on the spectrum by the school for classification/support purposes, with emphasis that it is not a medical DX but a classification for support). I know the teacher cannot tell me as a parent or volunteer why for example one kid has a para, but if C wanted (or could) tell me what she had I don't think anyone would stop her. What if he had an obvious physical disability, would he have to say 'i can't tell you why I cant walk' or during Black History Month can kids not point out that they are black? That's craziness.

And I would think if Teddy (in the article) is getting anything in his IEP about social skills it would be in his best interests that kids are aware and work with him. I know that soon F will get some social speech therapy in school and his IEP SPECIFICALLY states it will go from F to therapist with the goal to do the stuff with peers. And just FYI it was agreed on by all 13 people present, that the only things we deal with are social issues that may cause him anxiety. We all agree that a child has every right to be a loner or whatever AS LONG AS THEY ARE HAPPY. I am extremely fortunate he goes to the school he does. Just in case you or anyone reading this thinks we are trying to "make" F neurotypical. (As if you could.) Just give him skills to lessen anxiety. Ahh this is not the place. But yeah, what a stupid school who is NOT seeing the big picture.

Just in case though, I will try to remember to ask in his school if children are allowed to disclose their status. Just to see what they say and why.

And that makes me think of MY Teddy, who is going to a school that has a specific class FOR kids on the spectrum! I assume people know that's what his class is. He had the same in pre-k. Teachers with some extra training in spectrum disorders, with individualized work stations, lots of PECS stuff, and sensory stuff/near the sensory rooms. (Some kids were half day in those half day mainstreamed. Not T.)

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I will say though about tthe last link (missed it in my tabs), I will have to say although I haven't thought of driving off a bridge, I would be lying if I haven't had excrutiatingly negative thoughts about ANY of the kids. Including T. Maybe even especially. What am I, a robot? Superhuman? Is it ok for me to deny my feelings, or better to acknowledge them and go on? Life with a kid like him can be pretty hard. Not just hard but horrible and painful and frustrating. It also can be pretty amazing and wonderful and exciting and fun. But to say one and not the other would be a lie, and that's one thing I hate to do. Lie. There are times I just cannot handle my kids. (And honestly my biggest problem now is K who is turning into a mouthy brat.)

Yes accept your kids but don't hate parents who have a hard time.

[conuly]

There's a big difference between having a hard time with your kids (I don't think anybody can raise kids and never think bad things about them) and trying to normalize thoughts of homicide against them. Plus, Ms. Singer was a lot creepier than just saying she wanted to kill her kid - she never seemed to even respond to her kid. And she made no acknowledgement that there might be benefits to raising an autistic kid, no matter how hard - which you just did.

I don't think anybody hates parents who are having a hard time. But that doesn't mean I'm going to pretend sympathy for people who, by their actions, show a lack of empathy and feeling for their kids.

[codeman38.livejournal.com]

And she made the statements about wanting to kill her kid in front of her kid. Never mind, y'know, that the kid might actually be able to ::gasp:: understand what she's saying...

[conuly]

And what upset me the most is that the girl clearly loves her mom, spent the whole video hugging her, asking if she was upset, everything.

And her mom didn't even seem to notice.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

That link seemed ok, but I have also seen the opposite, of people who are so plastic about their kids (no matter if they are NT, on the spectrum, disabled, whatever) that you think they are going to crack any second, and even worse, the ones who think that because you're kind of hassled and stress you are clearly incapable of being a parent. You really come across all kinds of parents out there. One of the perks (hahaha) of being a stay at home mom. More exposure to other parents. LUCKY ME.

As long as you aren't the sort (which I don't think you are) to go "you monster, you yelled at your kid/cried/thought about running off to Mexico". Or really, sometimes, and this is only a very very very select few people out there, there are people I will laugh about my kids with. Seriously, some of T's antics are laugh-or-cry situations and it would be cruel to him to share them, or make me look incompetent if I shared them, but I HAVE to share them. But not to everyone. Because either I will get people who think that means they can make fun of my kid all the time, or think I am horrible.

Most of these stories involve feces. And seriously, you HAVE to laugh about that because it's crying or puking in that case. I think I usually flock ANYTHING that is less than flattering about my children, or my family, because it is rude to just leave it completely open like that, and searchable. Same with D. Sometimes I have to vent but it doesn't mean I have to completely totally badmouth him all the time to the general public.

And I still feel with an understanding of your child's specific flavor of autism, you can lessen the REALLY bad bits. Not talking is frustrating and difficult and makes you worry about the future but what I mean is the tantrums or the screaming or the self injury or whatever. THOSE things, if you try to understand what sets it off, what hurts your kid, what frustrates your kid, you can lessen the incidents that make you want to fling yourself out a window. There is a world of difference between being upset that he can't communicate well versus being upset because he has been screaming for 40 minutes and you have NO CLUE WHY and no clue what would stop it. Lucky you, I'm commenting after his first meltdown in weeks so I'm a bit scatterbrained myself about this comment and thread because after the really big ones it's like being blindsided and takes a few hours for mommy to chill out, too. (He's happy and sleeping right now. Cute lil bugger.)