Aw.

[conuly]

Two stories about how Ana's growing up.

First, the later story: Ana doesn't see her dad on Wednesday. He has a class, and then he doesn't stop by Jenn's. Normally, he watches her from the time I leave until Jenn gets there, and then some. But not Wednesdays. Instead, they say goodnight over the phone.

Today, he was with his parents, so when Jenn has Ana call to say goodnight, Ana was going to say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa. And 'dul is chattering away... to dead air. Ana's holding the phone, not saying anything. O-kay.... Jenn told 'dul to keep talking, she was listening, just not saying anything.

Eventually, he passes the phone to his dad. And Ana talks to Grandpa just fine. And after his dad comes his mom - and more talking from Ana. Finally, he takes the phone back and Ana says goodnight.

Afterwards, Jenn asked why Ana hadn't spoken to her dad....

Ana: Because I was mad.
Jenn: Mad? Why?
Ana: Because he mad at you. He slammed the door. (She'd told me this story a *week* ago, mind!)
Jenn: But... that was a long time ago. We made up!

And they had a whole conversation about how grownups get mad at each other, just like sometimes Ana gets mad at us, but they don't stay mad.

This story is notable not only because she could clearly articulate her feelings, and the *reason* for her feelings, but because of *how* she showed she was mad - she gave her dad the silent treatment. I would not have expected that.

The second story has even more backstory involved. Last week, I took Ana and her older friend Deniz to a playground. A "sandbox without any wood around it", as Deniz put it. She has a way with words, that girl.

While we were eating our lunches, Deniz made a comment that her sunglasses made everything look purple. And, of course, I took the bait and teased her that her eyes were purple. Now, Deniz is never sure how to take this, so she alternates between playing along (Oh! And yours are yellow!) and saying, very seriously that no, her eyes are brown. This time she told me her eyes were brown, and, warming to the subject, told me that my eyes were brown, and Ana's, and "Oh! And Ana, your skin is brown!" *jab at wrist*

Now, Deniz is four. I know she doesn't understand the potential significance of that statement, and I *sure* wasn't going to be the one to introduce it to her, so I just smile and nod. Ana didn't understand it - very frustrated, she yelled out "I don't have any skiiiin!!!!"

And I thought that was the end of it. Until today, when Ana discovered how people look different from each other. We're sitting on the boat, and she's watching this woman comb her hair, when it occurs to her that...

Ana: My hair is black!
Me: Uh...
Ana: And her hair is black!
Heart: *starts to break*
Me: Oh, Ana....
Ana: And your hair is brown! And Mommy's hair is brown and red!
Me: Oh, I suppose that's right, sweetie.

I know, it's meaningless, but it made me feel all sad. I wanted to declare, like the Queen in Tam Lin, that had I known things would turn out this way, I'd've torn out those eyes and put in eyes of wood. I wanted to replace her heart now with stone so it could never get broken over stupid things. I wanted to freeze time and keep her like this for at least another ten years, until we'd all know how to deal with this troubling development.

But what could I do?

All I could do is sit there and smile, and nod, and think to myself "Oh, Ana...."

Comments

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

Can I ask... What are you worried about when she realizes she's "different" from others? It seems like you guys would be very adept at teaching her that she is, in the same way that people have different eye and hair colors, and that learning both truths will be a good thing for her... Is there something more specific you're worried about?

[conuly]

It's not the learning that people are different, per se. It's the learning that, to some people, different is bad. And that's not far off, I'm afraid.

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. :(

[mayna.livejournal.com]

That's pretty normal though. Maylie, since she knew her colors had gone:
"I have blue eyes! Mommy, you have blue eyes. Daddy has brown eyes. Quincy has brown eyes. Greg has blue eyes! What color eyes does grandma have?" etc etc. She'd go up to people, stare at them in the eyes, and say what color eyes they have. Hair isn't nearly as interesting because most everyone we know has brown hair.

Or when she went up to my sister (a couple weeks ago) and said "Aunt Anita, you have big nanas. Do you have a baby in your tummy? Where is your baby?" lol.

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

Can I ask... What are you worried about when she realizes she's "different" from others? It seems like you guys would be very adept at teaching her that she is, in the same way that people have different eye and hair colors, and that learning both truths will be a good thing for her... Is there something more specific you're worried about?

[conuly]

It's not the learning that people are different, per se. It's the learning that, to some people, different is bad. And that's not far off, I'm afraid.

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. :(

[mayna.livejournal.com]

That's pretty normal though. Maylie, since she knew her colors had gone:
"I have blue eyes! Mommy, you have blue eyes. Daddy has brown eyes. Quincy has brown eyes. Greg has blue eyes! What color eyes does grandma have?" etc etc. She'd go up to people, stare at them in the eyes, and say what color eyes they have. Hair isn't nearly as interesting because most everyone we know has brown hair.

Or when she went up to my sister (a couple weeks ago) and said "Aunt Anita, you have big nanas. Do you have a baby in your tummy? Where is your baby?" lol.