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Date: 2005-03-17 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-18 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:48 pm (UTC)Not the sort of shame of being gay, or having been abused or whatever, but the shame that you should feel when you've hurt someone, or damaged someone, things like that -- it seems that people go from one extreme to another.
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Date: 2005-03-17 05:50 pm (UTC)Shame is never good. It only weakens a person or motivates them to hide. It does not motivate them to improve.
Guilt can be good. If you feel guilty for actually doing something wrong, you may make things better.
But I see no value in shame. The trick is t hat people will tend to mix shame and guilt together because they are clearly related.
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Date: 2005-03-17 05:52 pm (UTC)I think a key difference is that shame is generally what makes a person feel like they are bad. This only leads to weakness. And it takes strength to act ethically.
Guilt makes a person feel like they did a bad thing, acted badly. And that you can recover from and fix.
If you're bad and dirty, it's hopless. How can a bad, dirty person like you ever make things good. If you acted poorly, you can be a good person who can fix things, learn to be better, apologize, try to make it up, and be good.
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Date: 2005-03-17 06:26 pm (UTC)You do NOT want to know what thaughts that inspired.
I'll just say, a good dominant sees that as good starting point for rebuilding.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-18 08:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-18 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:48 pm (UTC)Not the sort of shame of being gay, or having been abused or whatever, but the shame that you should feel when you've hurt someone, or damaged someone, things like that -- it seems that people go from one extreme to another.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:50 pm (UTC)Shame is never good. It only weakens a person or motivates them to hide. It does not motivate them to improve.
Guilt can be good. If you feel guilty for actually doing something wrong, you may make things better.
But I see no value in shame. The trick is t hat people will tend to mix shame and guilt together because they are clearly related.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 05:52 pm (UTC)I think a key difference is that shame is generally what makes a person feel like they are bad. This only leads to weakness. And it takes strength to act ethically.
Guilt makes a person feel like they did a bad thing, acted badly. And that you can recover from and fix.
If you're bad and dirty, it's hopless. How can a bad, dirty person like you ever make things good. If you acted poorly, you can be a good person who can fix things, learn to be better, apologize, try to make it up, and be good.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:26 pm (UTC)You do NOT want to know what thaughts that inspired.
I'll just say, a good dominant sees that as good starting point for rebuilding.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-18 08:32 am (UTC)