conuly

Here

1. Accept your Girly-ness – You’re a girl. Be proud of all that means. You are soft, you are gentle, you are woman. Don’t try to be a guy. Guys like you because you are different from them. So let your girly-ness soar.

Well, which am I? Girl or woman? Better question, where did they get the idea that I was soft or gentle? Okay, maybe soft. Maybe. But gentle?

2. Tell it Like it is - Dateable girls don’t lie to themselves. They don’t say stuff like, “His girlfriend just isn’t good to him, that’s why he’s seeing me on the side.” Or “She started it so I’m going to get even.” The Dateable girl let’s God run the world, and tells herself the truth, that all she can control is herself. She doesn’t imagine things to be more than they are.

The dateable girl knows how to use the our friend, the apostrophe. Part of this is good advice, part of it is meh advice that only applies to the religious, but it all goes downhill with let's. Gah!

3. The sexiest thing on a girl is happiness – Girls try so hard to add beauty and sexuality to themselves with clothes and make-up, but the truth is it’s your spirit that makes you hot. Your outlook on life, your happiness factor. Dateable girls aren’t downers, they love life.

So... I should pretend if I'm depressed that I'm not? Okay! *pastes a cheesy grin on

4. Girls don’t fight girls, ever – Revenge belongs to God. Dateable girls know that when they fight other girls they look stupid and catty, and guys don’t like it, any more than God does.

Yes, I know that vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. But. Um. I notice you only restricted these fights to girl-on-girl action. Hm....

5. Believe in your Beauty – Dateable girls learn how to overcome the sins of the past that have been perpetrated on them. They don’t let the enemy steal their beauty. God made them, so they know they are beautiful, even if they don’t feel like it sometimes.

I have no idea what he's talking about here. Moving on!

6. Be Mysterious – Dateable girls know how to shut up. They don’t monopolize the conversation. They don’t tell everyone everything about themselves. They save some for later. They listen more than they gab.

Yes, I get it. I'm not sure, though, if you mean "never talk" or "have some common courtesy".

7. Act Confident – Dateable girls know that confidence is hot. And the cool part is that no one knows if you are confident but you. Confidence isn’t how you feel, it’s how you act. Act confident and people will think you are.

Notice that they give no practical advice here - how do you appear confident?

8. Look em in the eye – Part of being a Dateable girl means you really see people. They matter, and if you don’t look them in the eye then you will never see them and they will never know they matter to you. Look em in the eye, they are valuable.

*coughs*

9. Let him lead – God made guys as leaders. Dateable girls get that and let him do guy things, get a door, open a ketchup bottle. They relax and let guys be guys. Which means they don’t ask him out!!!

*cracks up* So, hold on. I'm supposed to go out of my way so some guy can feel macho because, wow, he can OPEN a KETCHUP BOTTLE? Riiiiiight. How does that indicate leadership? And what, if some guy I like is shy, I should let him make us both miserable instead of asking him out? Brilliant.

10. Need Him - Dateable girls know that guys need to be needed. A Dateable girl isn’t Miss Independent. She knows we are made for community. Needing each other is part of faith. She allows him to be needed at times, knowing he was called to serve just as much as she was.

Y'know, this sounds seriously kinky. Are we talking dating or religious/military obligations? Because if we're talking about dating, what's that about serving...?

Dateable Guy Rules

1. Being a guy is good. - Dateable guys know they aren’t as sensitive as girls and that’s okay. They know they are stronger, more dangerous, and more adventurous and that’s okay. Dateable guys are real men who aren’t afraid to be guys.

How do we know that they aren't as sensitive? Or stronger? Or more adventurous? I'm not even touching dangerous.

2. Believe in yourself – Dateable guys know they are men even if someone has tried to bring them down or make them less than men. They know that the past doesn’t define the future.

General good advice...

3. Control Your mind – Dateable guys know that God demands self control. They learn ways to control their minds so they can control their bodies.

Interesting. Girls didn't get told to have self control...

4. Don’t just want a win, want an adventure – Dateable guys know life is about danger. You might not win, but that’s not the point, doing it is. Dateable guys risk failure to live the adventure of life.

Life is about danger???? What the HELL are you smoking? Life is about staying as SAFE as possible! That is how one continues to live.

5. Face your Fears – Dateable guys will not be controlled by fear. Whatever controls you owns you. Fear is from the enemy and so the Dateable guy stands in the face of it and says, “ha!”

Fear, like pain, helps keep us alive. It is a good thing. It is foolish to scorn our natural, even G-d-given instincts.

6. Men of God are wild, not domesticated – Dateable guys aren’t tamed. They don’t live by the rules of the opposite sex. They fight battles, conquer lands, and stand up for the oppressed.

So, are they standing up for the oppressed before or after conquering them?

7. Read God into it. – Dateable guys read God into it. “What would He say if he was talking to me through this situation?” they ask.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but most people who claim to hear deities are considered insane. Just sayin'

8. Be Honest with Girls – Dateable guys don’t use the truth to their advantage. They know that girls read into things so they don’t use that for their good. They are honest and not manipulative.

Wait. Are they honest? Or are they not the type to use the truth? I'm confused...

9. Be a gentleman – Chivalry is not dead with the Dateable guy. Even if society thinks this is old fashioned he knows that it is God-fashioned. He keeps his gentleman side strong and considers all women important enough to care for.

I do not believe that the Bible says anything about holding doors or opening ketchup bottles. I could be wrong, though.

10. Keep it covered up – Dateable guys know that porn is bad for the spirit and the mind. They keep women covered up.

Woah. They keep women covered up? How, exactly, do they do this? Notice that the girls weren't told to keep covered up. Hm. Actually, they weren't told not to look at porn either. Interesting...

My favorite part is the part where the site is named in chtspk: http://www.rudateable.com/

Stay tuned, I'll edit this for snark. Or give up in boredom, whatever.