I just don't fit in....

[conuly]

I have some people telling me that they think I'm the sort of person who loves kids so much that I don't mind their screaming (so not true, by the way - I mind the screaming, I just understand that it's not always evitable). And then other people ask me why I'm posting in certain forums if I "hate children". I do love children (in a general sense. This may or may not apply to YOUR child). I find them easier to understand than most adults, anyway, and I like doing a LOT of the same things (wow, that's an embarassing confession!).

But apparently, my not wanting to have kids means I hate them.

*sighs*

Okay, I need something new to talk about. Hold on, I'm going to check the news....

*grumbles*

Nothing interesting. Grr.

Comments

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

"You can't spoil your OWN kids!"

LOL, ohhhh yes you can. The amount of trinkets, treats, unnecessary clothes, special events and unusual privileges my girlie's gotten over the years would boggle the mind.

I figure, if she wants it, and it's something good, and I'm able to get it for her, why the hell not get it? What's the point of saying "no" just to prove that she can't have everything she wants? She already knows that.

I won't buy anything I deem to be junk or overpriced, and my financial resources are somewhat limited, so there's plenty of times I do say "no". She is usually reasonable about what she asks for, though, and she is a really good girl, so I'm inclined to be generous. After all, if I want a book or a CD or a necklace or some ice cream or to go to a movie, whatever, I think about whether it's worth it and whether I can afford it, but if the answer to both is "yes", I go for it. So, why shouldn't she get what she want, just the same?

Of course, if she "acted spoiled" - lazy, whiny, demanding, rude - I wouldn't feel inclined to be so generous, but she doesn't. I think it's not what kids get, or how much, but why they get it: virtue may be its own reward, but a little extra reward at random intervals does a lot to encourage it.

[conuly]

All right, you can - but I wouldn't. I'd feel bad.

Or I'd go very much overboard. I like being the aunt because I hardly ever have to be the bad guy and tell them what to do. Parents aren't that lucky.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

*grins* I do go a little overboard at times, on my own trinkets and treats as well as hers. Like a lot of Bards, I'm a grasshopper by nature, not an ant. I don't feel bad about "spoiling" my girlie, though, because she deserves it.

I always wonder what's going on with parents who say "no" just to prove that they can - their kid wants something, not a piece of junk but something nice, and they can easily afford it; they'd spend ten times that much on an impulse-purchase for themselves without blinking, and yet they say no to the kid. Well, if the kid has been a butt lately, trinkets and treats are certainly to be withheld - THAT'S the way to make a classic "spoiled brat"; reward obnoxious behavior - but if the kid's been good, why not just go ahead and say "yes"?

LOL, my girlie's got my number - long ago she figured out that being good gets rewarded, being exceptionally good gets exceptionally rewarded, so she is good almost all the time, and exceptionally good on frequent occasions. Positive reinforcement is definitely the child-rearing method of choice.

I'm quietly amused at all those parents who spanked, scolded, threatened, demanded, yelled, withheld treats, enforced rules for no reason but that they were the rules - and criticized me for not doing the same, predicting dire consequences. My kid's 15 now and says, direct quote, "I'm not doing the teen-rebel thing because I've got nothing to rebel against; I agree with the rules my parents set for me."

Being a parent doesn't have to mean being a bad guy; just that too many people don't know how to parent any other way. But certainly, someone who doesn't wish to be a parent shouldn't be one - aunts and uncles and childfree grown-up friends are essential to children and parents both, to give them a break from each other now and then. *grins* My kidling's been raised by her whole Clan, not just her parents - "share the wealth", right?

[conuly]

Well, sometimes you *do* have to be the badguy. You have to say "no, seth, you're not allowed to pull hair" and "no, ana, you're not getting what you want by throwing a melodramatic temper tantrum" and I don't like it :(

But yes, positive reinforcement is the way to go.