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My god! Is this true?
Feb. 2nd, 2009 01:19 pm
Brits don't have window screens? That can't be the case. What's next, you don't have bugs either?
(Please - reassure me that it's not true!)
(Please - reassure me that it's not true!)
Feb. 2nd, 2009
This Great, Upstanding Guy has a kid. And he's somewhat involved in the kid's life - the occasional birthday party, presents at Christmas, whatever. How involved depends on the family (and I like to believe that really good fathers never fall into this stupid game), but it's not just a check every month when Mom can make him.
At some point, years after the kid's been around - generally after a divorce - he gets it into his head that it's "not really his kid" and so why should he have to pay? And maybe they do paternity tests and, lo and behold, he's right - Mom was cheating on him at the right time. Whoops. So he won't pay up! Not his kid!
Yeah? Well, fuck you, asshole.
If you're gonna decide that a kid's not yours, you have to make that choice in a reasonable time after the kid's birth - or, for more convoluted cases, after you find out about the child. Once you decide to be a father to this kid, you don't get to take backsies on that. You don't get to be a dad to a kid for seven, eight, nine years, and then up and decide that because things didn't go just your way before the kid was even born that hey, you don't have any obligations anymore, no more trips to the zoo. It doesn't work that way, you already took the responsibility of being a parent, and now? Now you're stuck with it, like it or not.
Because it's not about you and the fact that you couldn't keep your wife/girlfriend/whoever from sleeping around. And it's not about her and the fact that she couldn't be honest with you from the start, either. It's about the kid. And if your kid is stuck with your worthless ass as the only dad s/he's ever known, and you've played that role already? Be an adult, suck it up, and deal. When you signed on to be a parent, part and parcel of that was the fact that from now on, you had to be an Adult. No matter what, gotta be more grown-up than the kids. Even if they're "not really yours", your responsibility is to keep them from thinking it should ever matter.
Man, stories like that piss me the fuck off. (And the fact that this guy's kid is grown up now doesn't make much difference to me.)
Note: I'm not claiming that sleeping around on your husband and lying about the results is a good gameplan. Monogamy means just that. Can't handle it? Don't want to? Marry somebody who doesn't mind, or don't get married at all - or, alternatively, get some self-control for a change. I'm just saying that what's done is done, and it's no good punishing kids because (both!) parents have issues.
Note the second: Yeah, Don't Read The Comments.
At some point, years after the kid's been around - generally after a divorce - he gets it into his head that it's "not really his kid" and so why should he have to pay? And maybe they do paternity tests and, lo and behold, he's right - Mom was cheating on him at the right time. Whoops. So he won't pay up! Not his kid!
Yeah? Well, fuck you, asshole.
If you're gonna decide that a kid's not yours, you have to make that choice in a reasonable time after the kid's birth - or, for more convoluted cases, after you find out about the child. Once you decide to be a father to this kid, you don't get to take backsies on that. You don't get to be a dad to a kid for seven, eight, nine years, and then up and decide that because things didn't go just your way before the kid was even born that hey, you don't have any obligations anymore, no more trips to the zoo. It doesn't work that way, you already took the responsibility of being a parent, and now? Now you're stuck with it, like it or not.
Because it's not about you and the fact that you couldn't keep your wife/girlfriend/whoever from sleeping around. And it's not about her and the fact that she couldn't be honest with you from the start, either. It's about the kid. And if your kid is stuck with your worthless ass as the only dad s/he's ever known, and you've played that role already? Be an adult, suck it up, and deal. When you signed on to be a parent, part and parcel of that was the fact that from now on, you had to be an Adult. No matter what, gotta be more grown-up than the kids. Even if they're "not really yours", your responsibility is to keep them from thinking it should ever matter.
Man, stories like that piss me the fuck off. (And the fact that this guy's kid is grown up now doesn't make much difference to me.)
Note: I'm not claiming that sleeping around on your husband and lying about the results is a good gameplan. Monogamy means just that. Can't handle it? Don't want to? Marry somebody who doesn't mind, or don't get married at all - or, alternatively, get some self-control for a change. I'm just saying that what's done is done, and it's no good punishing kids because (both!) parents have issues.
Note the second: Yeah, Don't Read The Comments.