Here's a handy piece of advice.

[conuly]

Before you get a pet you can't take care of, learn how to take care of that pet. Over in P101 there's a post from this woman agonizing over whether or not to tell her kid that he killed his fish.

Further commentary reveals that the fish is probably dying due to poor conditions because, as the OP says, she knows "nothing about fish". If you know nothing about fish, why the hell do you even HAVE a fish? Get some other pet you DO know something about!

For crying out loud, people don't even trust they can have their children without reading up on the subject, and you're *supposed* to know a little about the care and feeding of humans, being one yourself. This woman won't even make a non-life-and-death decision (about telling her two year old what happened to the fish) without consulting us... but she's going to take care of her fish without even finding out HOW to take care of a fish without it going belly up?

Sure, you say her kid is more important than a fish, and that's probably true from most perspectives (excepting that of the fishie, of course, but what do you expect?), but all the same. Don't get a pet you can't take care of. Sheesh. Isn't this just basic common sense?

Comments

[pne]

You're assuming that she knew she didn't know how to take care of a fish.

I think many people assume that pets are kind of indestructible - especially fish, since they "just sit there". Feed them occasionally and you're fine.

(What do you mean, you need to change the water occasionally? Buy a pump, with what money? Filters?)

Basically, I think they *think* they know how to take care of them, they're just hopelessly wrong.

As an analogy: consider the average person who buys a plant. I think the average person thinks that if they water it occasionally, it'll be fine, and that's all they need to know.

[conuly]

Her exact words were "I know nothing about fish". She must know there's more to know than nothing!

[beezelbubbles.livejournal.com]

Oh but fish are so easy! You just put them in a bowl of water! *eyeroll* And it drives me crazy that they get goldfish, which are the biggest pain in the ass just ever because they need their tanks cleaned all the time.

[conuly]

That's what she did. And then she thought it was her son's fault the fish died, because he stuck his hand in there.

Meanwhile, another person is getting snippy that we're "criticizing her fish parenting". DUDE. HER FISH IS DYING. BECAUSE SHE IS IGNORANT. And most people are less critical than telling her how to care for a fish, something she could easily have learned via google. If she'd cared for her cat or dog so badly that it just up and died (much less her son) we'd be all over her!

[chaos-by-design.livejournal.com]

"fish parenting?" ROFL.

[conuly]

Yes, apparently we should be supportive and never suggest that one learn a little before caring for another living being.

[beezelbubbles.livejournal.com]

Fish parenting? Wow. ... Wow. Poor fish, poor kid.
Wait, someone else is getting snippy on her behalf about the fish parenting? What community do they think they're in?

[conuly]

P101. They've gotten a bit tamer over the years, actually.

[chaos-by-design.livejournal.com]

Common sense has never been particularly common, in my opinion.

I grew up with cats and dogs, so I didn't do any research before I got my cat. But you know, he's alive and stuff because I already pretty much knew what to do with a cat. But if I got a fish or an animal I didn't know anything about, I'd do some research. Heck, I did research on illegal drugs before I tried them, just to make sure they weren't going to fry my brain. Now that's nerdy.

[conuly]

Heck, I did research on illegal drugs before I tried them, just to make sure they weren't going to fry my brain. Now that's nerdy.

Smart, I call it.

[leora.livejournal.com]

I consider it being a decent person though. If you take on a dependent, you should try to know what you're doing. I've now decided not to get a pet, but back when I was considering it, I researched several. I started out looking into sugar gliders, because I'd interacted with one and found it to be really awesome. Then I read about the necessary care, and I decided it was a poor match for me. I ended up figuring if I got a pet, a chinchilla would likely be a good fit in my case.

It just makes sense to learn about what responsibilities you are accepting before you accept them.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

That comm makes me crazy. I spent a couple of years following it and then thought, "You know, I prefer the kind of wank we have in fandom to the shit people post in P101." :-P

But yeah, agreed on the pet thing. Poor fishie.

[lady-angelina.livejournal.com]

Wow. 0_0 As someone in the roleplay community and has been exposed to quite a lot of fandom wank, I'd have to say that if you prefer fandom wank to parenting wank, then the latter has got to be simply unbelievable. D:

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I'm sure there are fandoms that are wankier, but in my experience parenting communities produce amazing wank. I think it's because there isn't anything more personal than how one raises one's children, and many people take any comment that suggests a different approach as condemnation of their parenting choices. They literally read it as "You're POISONING/ABUSING/SLOWLY KILLING your children!!!1!" instead of "I did it differently for reasons that make sense to me." And then people on both sides come in to fan the flames.

I got to the point that I actually missed fandom-style wank. :-P

[conuly]

YES. IT IS.

I say this every year, somewhere about Santa, and it will give you an idea of the sort of flames that can be very typical of these sorts of communities:

The same people who will cheerfully accuse you of poisoning your baby or mutilating him for your own perverse ideas (formula feeding, circumcising) or, alternatively, of perverting your kid (breastfeeding past three months) will be shocked and offended if you dare suggest that maybe, just maybe, it's a little dishonest to tell your kid that Santa is real. In fact, they'll accuse you of being mean.

[lady-angelina.livejournal.com]

Except some people are truly ignorant about pet care and don't realize it at all.

Two cases in point:

http://notalwaysright.com/wet-the-appetite/7160
http://notalwaysright.com/like-a-fish-out-of-water/6568

=/

I doubt that proper education and self-research would help these folks. They can Google all they want, but they'll probably come to some illogical conclusions on their own.

[goldoyster.livejournal.com]

Well, her brother gave it to them but yeah. That's when you quickly read up on them.

[conuly]

Or ask for advice on LJ! There's a comm for that.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

The idea that being human oneself gives one any clue at all about how to care for a human child is patently erroneous. Almost all primate parenting behaviors are learned, not instinctive. The quality of the parenting depends on the quality of the learning. Fortunately for the species (and unfortunately for the rest of the planet,) humans are hardy, adaptable, and breed so rapidly that even an 80% infant mortality rate barely slows us down.

ROFL, "fish parenting"; that's a new low. Fish don't need parents. Fish need a habitable environment; what that comprises varies according to the kind of fish. Goldfish in unaerated little bowls die from slow asphyxiation, which is not a nice way for one's supposedly-beloved pet to go.

I say it's poor child parenting, to teach one's child that it's okay to take on responsibility for a living creature, then neglect it to death because one is too lazy to learn how to care for it properly. It wasn't the child who killed that goldfish - it was the parent, who allowed a pet in the house before learning its needs, and who tried to pass the buck by claiming it was the child's responsibility.

I can't get too exercised about a glodfish, though, having recently spent several weeks nursing my friend's dying, unfixed 10-year-old outdoor cat, whom her son brought home as a kitten and then left to his own devices: never got him fixed, so he was relegated to the outdoors when he started to spray; never got him any shots... I suspect he died of feline leukemia.

I love my friend dearly, and there's no point saying anything about it now: the kitty's dead, and her children are grown, so won't be bringing any more home. But she condemned that sweet little cat to a life of feral hardship and a tragic early death - not to mention spreading unwanted kittens and probably diseases around the local cat population - when she made the choice to let her kid keep him when they couldn't afford a vet.

[conuly]

The idea that being human oneself gives one any clue at all about how to care for a human child is patently erroneous. Almost all primate parenting behaviors are learned, not instinctive. The quality of the parenting depends on the quality of the learning. Fortunately for the species (and unfortunately for the rest of the planet,) humans are hardy, adaptable, and breed so rapidly that even an 80% infant mortality rate barely slows us down.

I expect the average human to at least know better than to stick their child in a bowl (uh, playpen?) with inadequate ventilation 24/7 and then blame the kid's death on the cat. I don't think I'm asking a lot here!