A more in-depth question...

[conuly]

Why do I see nothing wrong with saying "that's not true" about black/gay/foreign/other stereotypes, but feel bad when it comes to various disabilities, even the one I theoretically have? I'm not just shooting off the top of my head, everything I say is based on my near obsessive perusal of various writings, and unlike black/gay/foreign/other people I actually am mildly disabled*, but when it comes up I feel like I should apologise. Why is this?


*_{So mildly disabled that my parents couldn't get a diagnosis when I was younger. Nobody knew about AS back then, nor (I think) HFA, and as far as anybody was willing to admit I was just a smart girl who didn't talk much. And couldn't speak clearly, but of course I had those very crooked teeth. And couldn't tie my shoes, but of course I was a lefty. That's obviously also why my handwriting was the worst in the class. And I couldn't do my homework, but of course that wasn't a big deal, because I was just so smart! And, oh yeah, there's that thing where my hearing is really good but I still can't always understand what people are saying, yeah, that thing? Oh, that's not a real problem, thanks! Bad sense of direction? Yeah, lefty again? That's why? Gee, who knew? Trouble recognizing people? Everyone does that? Really? Because they all know my name... well, if you say so... And so on.}

Comments

[moggymania.livejournal.com]

I think it's because we're raised with the exact constant stream of disclaimers you just described. It teaches us to totally ignore what we know is right about ourselves, in essence, and apologize for not seeing things the same way everybody else does.

How affected you are by being on the spectrum doesn't seem to have much to do with whether one has a diagnosis, though. At least not for anybody that's over the age of ten -- there are *still* too many idiot doctors that think "if the person can speak, he/she can't be autistic!"

[conuly]

The thing is, I do NOT think I'm as strongly affected as some people I know online and in real life. However, it's irritating when I take "they have this problem (say toilet training) and I don't" to mean "I don't really have this other problem (say social anxiety)" instead, and I'm the one doing it.

And what's annoying is I recognize myself doing it, but the thoughts still go into my head. Let's see. My family agrees with this diagnosis. My mother thought I was autistic when I was a baby due to my reactions (which were apparently much more dramatic than they are today). My AS family friend Gale (stupid name for her, she's anything but a blast of wind) burst out laughing when I said some people think I'm not on the spectrum. I have a friggin' diagnosis (must get in writing) and I still let stupid doubt come into my head. Brilliant, really.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant at you.

[velvetchamber.livejournal.com]

I have been wondering the same, It seems like most people have more difficulties than I, in fact I am really unsure if anyone has ever thought of me as anything but a little strong headed and a tad different, but I can identify with what you all are saying, although it may not be as severe, and I feel that it would explain a lot of my life.

Please tell me if you don't want me to talk about something, or comment like this, is it too personal?

[conuly]

Were it too personal, I wouldn't post it.

[velvetchamber.livejournal.com]

Yes : )

If I, on the other hand, am getting too personal, give me a little kick or something.

[conuly]

Incidentally, the bad teeth really did interfere with my speech. They were so bad we couldn't find an orthodontist to treat me until one told us that "NYU is always looking for difficult cases". That was partially because of my behaviour, but mostly because of how crooked they were. I really have no idea how much of my speech problems stem from that and how much from AS.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

I think it's the same reason I feel like I have to explain ADHD to people, and even I disbelieve when other folks say they have it (I've only met one person who exhibits the same symptoms I do, on an even grander scale-- the other cases are "mommy didn't want to deal with me or the fact that I don't like school.")

Our society is very much a blame society. "It's not me, it's the disease!" And everyone, everyone needs a disease or disability to blame their behavior on. This makes it even more difficult for those who are truly disabled.

I may be totally off, but is that it?

[conuly]

In part, definitely... I hate the feeling of being a whiner. But it goes deeper, in that I talk to people who are definitely more "on the spectrum" than I am, and I compare myself to them instead of focusing on me.

Also, I suspect that if I listed all my problems in one post, I'd come out sounding far more disabled than I am. The same is possibly true for many of the people I'm starting to know, that I think of them as just so much more autistic because I can't meet them in real life and see how their descriptions of various problems matches up to reality.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

That's true.

I've also met people who describe themselves poorly, because things seem perfectly normal to them that aren't. One of my very close friends is a manic depressive, and he thought it was perfectly normal to go into a raging fury for absolutely no reason (he got that sorted out quickly, but still says it surprises him that it doesn't happen to other people). I hadn't met a "real" one before him, and now I'm always startled to see the poor diagnoses (a lot of women who have hormonal mood swings get diagnosed as bi-polar-- do you know what's up with that?) that get done.

I hate sounding like a whiner too, you're not alone in that. Things sound much more severe online, when you can get inside a person's head. In real life a lot of symptoms seem much tamer, for some reason.

[moggymania.livejournal.com]

I think it's because we're raised with the exact constant stream of disclaimers you just described. It teaches us to totally ignore what we know is right about ourselves, in essence, and apologize for not seeing things the same way everybody else does.

How affected you are by being on the spectrum doesn't seem to have much to do with whether one has a diagnosis, though. At least not for anybody that's over the age of ten -- there are *still* too many idiot doctors that think "if the person can speak, he/she can't be autistic!"

[conuly]

The thing is, I do NOT think I'm as strongly affected as some people I know online and in real life. However, it's irritating when I take "they have this problem (say toilet training) and I don't" to mean "I don't really have this other problem (say social anxiety)" instead, and I'm the one doing it.

And what's annoying is I recognize myself doing it, but the thoughts still go into my head. Let's see. My family agrees with this diagnosis. My mother thought I was autistic when I was a baby due to my reactions (which were apparently much more dramatic than they are today). My AS family friend Gale (stupid name for her, she's anything but a blast of wind) burst out laughing when I said some people think I'm not on the spectrum. I have a friggin' diagnosis (must get in writing) and I still let stupid doubt come into my head. Brilliant, really.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant at you.

[velvetchamber.livejournal.com]

I have been wondering the same, It seems like most people have more difficulties than I, in fact I am really unsure if anyone has ever thought of me as anything but a little strong headed and a tad different, but I can identify with what you all are saying, although it may not be as severe, and I feel that it would explain a lot of my life.

Please tell me if you don't want me to talk about something, or comment like this, is it too personal?

[conuly]

Were it too personal, I wouldn't post it.

[velvetchamber.livejournal.com]

Yes : )

If I, on the other hand, am getting too personal, give me a little kick or something.

[conuly]

Incidentally, the bad teeth really did interfere with my speech. They were so bad we couldn't find an orthodontist to treat me until one told us that "NYU is always looking for difficult cases". That was partially because of my behaviour, but mostly because of how crooked they were. I really have no idea how much of my speech problems stem from that and how much from AS.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

I think it's the same reason I feel like I have to explain ADHD to people, and even I disbelieve when other folks say they have it (I've only met one person who exhibits the same symptoms I do, on an even grander scale-- the other cases are "mommy didn't want to deal with me or the fact that I don't like school.")

Our society is very much a blame society. "It's not me, it's the disease!" And everyone, everyone needs a disease or disability to blame their behavior on. This makes it even more difficult for those who are truly disabled.

I may be totally off, but is that it?

[conuly]

In part, definitely... I hate the feeling of being a whiner. But it goes deeper, in that I talk to people who are definitely more "on the spectrum" than I am, and I compare myself to them instead of focusing on me.

Also, I suspect that if I listed all my problems in one post, I'd come out sounding far more disabled than I am. The same is possibly true for many of the people I'm starting to know, that I think of them as just so much more autistic because I can't meet them in real life and see how their descriptions of various problems matches up to reality.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

That's true.

I've also met people who describe themselves poorly, because things seem perfectly normal to them that aren't. One of my very close friends is a manic depressive, and he thought it was perfectly normal to go into a raging fury for absolutely no reason (he got that sorted out quickly, but still says it surprises him that it doesn't happen to other people). I hadn't met a "real" one before him, and now I'm always startled to see the poor diagnoses (a lot of women who have hormonal mood swings get diagnosed as bi-polar-- do you know what's up with that?) that get done.

I hate sounding like a whiner too, you're not alone in that. Things sound much more severe online, when you can get inside a person's head. In real life a lot of symptoms seem much tamer, for some reason.