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conuly
Today, we were in the bookstore, and Ana was being *very* well-behaved, especially considering that she hadn't yet had her lunch or her nap, and was late for both. And in order to get by somebody, she stops, says "Scuse me. Scuse me peez!" and, after he moved, went "Thank you!" (I'm not sure what she does at the start of words like thank you, but it may very well be an eth, I've been working hard on that sound with her since forever.)
And the other kid's mom boggled, like she'd never seen this sort of thing before. "She said excuse me, that's so cute! Wow!"
Well, the only thing I could've said (but didn't) was that of course she did, and I'd've said the same thing, except I'd've tacked a "sweetie" on the end probably. What I said instead was the vague "well, people love a mannerly child", which is certainly true. Even people who hate kids love mannerly children - probably because they start out with lower expectations, or because the other kind is even more irritating to them than to people who simply tolerate or even like kids. (People also seem to love cute children, mannerly or not, and it gets annoying when your niece is throwing a tantrum and people come running up to cheer her out of it. It's just, dudes, leave her alone, she's fine with me watching her, she doesn't need to think that lying on the floor screaming is going to get people to play games with her.)
But I digress. The point is, I often see posts on LiveJournal regarding the use of endearments such as "sweetie", "honey", "sugar", "dear", etc. by people who don't know you. The people making these posts are generally of the view that this isn't acceptable except from people who know you well, and who have "earned the right" to call you by something other than your name - if they don't know your name, they can't call you anything.
Some of those posts are complaining about creepy guys who are also making obvious passes at you. But the rest... Even if we cut out the creepy guy factor, there's clearly a lot of people in this world who consider it normal to use those sorts of words with people they don't know.
It's rather like when somebody says "geshundeit" instead of "bless you". Why get offended because their habit is different? They're not doing it to be rude, and it's all rather silly anyway since none of us believe that evil demons are gonna get us if we're not careful.
So, I thought I'd clarify my position: I use the word sweetie with children as filler for their names. I use the same word with adults as a filler for "you idiot". I use the word ducky when speaking to people because I think whatever they're upset about is either their fault, or not worth being upset about. I occasionally use words like "little one" or "honey" when talking to young animals and very young children - by the time they're in school, sweetie is about it.
I'd also like to ask what other people do, because I'm curious.
Oh, side-note, something I've noticed. It's clear, reading my posts lately, that race has been on my mind a bit. Sorry about that *blushes*
But I have an observation. When white people want to say that they think Ana is cute, they'll turn to her, say "HI!", talk a bit, then turn to whomever she's with and say "She's so cute" (beautiful, pretty, whatever). They might compliment her specifically on her hair or her clothes, to her face, but not on her looks - "I like your hair, did your mommy do it?" but not "You're very cute, you know." I mean, they might do the latter, but not so often. Black people sometimes take that method I just described, but very often (and this doesn't seem to happen with white people) will give the compliment by calling out "Hey pretty!" (beautiful, cutie, whatever) to her, then talking to her adult. Older Chinese people who speak English point at her a lot and fumble for English words, and I *think* they mean they think she's cute, but it's hard to tell. I'm also not sure they're Chinese, I'm just guessing.
Just an observation - and, of course, there's overlap from the standard white method into other races. Not so much in the method a lot of black people seem to prefer. Tell the truth, I like that form better - it seems friendlier, though eventually I'm sure it'll give her a swelled head. If it keeps up. Right now, she doesn't notice much. When she does, though, she's *finally* caught on to the idea that if people smile at you and say something nice, you're supposed to say "thank you". That's a tough concept for a little kid, since as far as she knows she hasn't gotten anything and nobody's done anything for her.
Edit: White people are also *far* more likely to deliver the compliment sideways, by turning to a friend and saying very loudly that "she's so cute!" Other races do this as well, but not, as near as I can tell, to that extent. But the first form I mentioned is definitely the more common one.
And the other kid's mom boggled, like she'd never seen this sort of thing before. "She said excuse me, that's so cute! Wow!"
Well, the only thing I could've said (but didn't) was that of course she did, and I'd've said the same thing, except I'd've tacked a "sweetie" on the end probably. What I said instead was the vague "well, people love a mannerly child", which is certainly true. Even people who hate kids love mannerly children - probably because they start out with lower expectations, or because the other kind is even more irritating to them than to people who simply tolerate or even like kids. (People also seem to love cute children, mannerly or not, and it gets annoying when your niece is throwing a tantrum and people come running up to cheer her out of it. It's just, dudes, leave her alone, she's fine with me watching her, she doesn't need to think that lying on the floor screaming is going to get people to play games with her.)
But I digress. The point is, I often see posts on LiveJournal regarding the use of endearments such as "sweetie", "honey", "sugar", "dear", etc. by people who don't know you. The people making these posts are generally of the view that this isn't acceptable except from people who know you well, and who have "earned the right" to call you by something other than your name - if they don't know your name, they can't call you anything.
Some of those posts are complaining about creepy guys who are also making obvious passes at you. But the rest... Even if we cut out the creepy guy factor, there's clearly a lot of people in this world who consider it normal to use those sorts of words with people they don't know.
It's rather like when somebody says "geshundeit" instead of "bless you". Why get offended because their habit is different? They're not doing it to be rude, and it's all rather silly anyway since none of us believe that evil demons are gonna get us if we're not careful.
So, I thought I'd clarify my position: I use the word sweetie with children as filler for their names. I use the same word with adults as a filler for "you idiot". I use the word ducky when speaking to people because I think whatever they're upset about is either their fault, or not worth being upset about. I occasionally use words like "little one" or "honey" when talking to young animals and very young children - by the time they're in school, sweetie is about it.
I'd also like to ask what other people do, because I'm curious.
Oh, side-note, something I've noticed. It's clear, reading my posts lately, that race has been on my mind a bit. Sorry about that *blushes*
But I have an observation. When white people want to say that they think Ana is cute, they'll turn to her, say "HI!", talk a bit, then turn to whomever she's with and say "She's so cute" (beautiful, pretty, whatever). They might compliment her specifically on her hair or her clothes, to her face, but not on her looks - "I like your hair, did your mommy do it?" but not "You're very cute, you know." I mean, they might do the latter, but not so often. Black people sometimes take that method I just described, but very often (and this doesn't seem to happen with white people) will give the compliment by calling out "Hey pretty!" (beautiful, cutie, whatever) to her, then talking to her adult. Older Chinese people who speak English point at her a lot and fumble for English words, and I *think* they mean they think she's cute, but it's hard to tell. I'm also not sure they're Chinese, I'm just guessing.
Just an observation - and, of course, there's overlap from the standard white method into other races. Not so much in the method a lot of black people seem to prefer. Tell the truth, I like that form better - it seems friendlier, though eventually I'm sure it'll give her a swelled head. If it keeps up. Right now, she doesn't notice much. When she does, though, she's *finally* caught on to the idea that if people smile at you and say something nice, you're supposed to say "thank you". That's a tough concept for a little kid, since as far as she knows she hasn't gotten anything and nobody's done anything for her.
Edit: White people are also *far* more likely to deliver the compliment sideways, by turning to a friend and saying very loudly that "she's so cute!" Other races do this as well, but not, as near as I can tell, to that extent. But the first form I mentioned is definitely the more common one.
