On manners...
Jul. 6th, 2005 09:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
I was reading a post in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
linguaphiles, and somebody commented in a tangent that a person they'd held the door for had neglected to say thank you. When the commentor said sarcasticly (sardonicly?) you're welcome!, they got a nasty look.
Well, what did they expect from this? The first person, the one who didn't say thank you (or didn't say it audibly, I've often been accused of skipping niceties because I said them softly) was rude by omission. They neglected to say something that was expected. But the second person was even ruder. This is the rule I had drummed into my little head when I was a child. Except in a limited set of circumstances, you do not correct other people's manners. You do not correct their manners in public. You do not correct them by being snotty, snide, or otherwise offensive. You definitely do not correct them by being snotty in public. That's about the rudest thing you can possibly do.
As for holding doors open for people, offering seats on the bus, and similar things, you don't do these things because you expect to be thanked. You do them because you're civilized and that's what civilized people do. If you get thanked, it's a bonus, and if you don't, you smile and act as though the other person thanked you, because expecting to be thanked is almost as bad as not thanking.
Period, end of story. So when you compound your original error (doing something nice for a fleeting sense of personal gratification instead of the fact that it's the right thing to do) by rudely correcting the person who neglected to thank you - well, of course you get a bad reaction! That person has already demonstrated that they aren't too great with the little words of thanks that apparently grease our society, do you really think they want a rude twit like you acting holier than thou about it?
linguaphiles, and somebody commented in a tangent that a person they'd held the door for had neglected to say thank you. When the commentor said sarcasticly (sardonicly?) you're welcome!, they got a nasty look.Well, what did they expect from this? The first person, the one who didn't say thank you (or didn't say it audibly, I've often been accused of skipping niceties because I said them softly) was rude by omission. They neglected to say something that was expected. But the second person was even ruder. This is the rule I had drummed into my little head when I was a child. Except in a limited set of circumstances, you do not correct other people's manners. You do not correct their manners in public. You do not correct them by being snotty, snide, or otherwise offensive. You definitely do not correct them by being snotty in public. That's about the rudest thing you can possibly do.
As for holding doors open for people, offering seats on the bus, and similar things, you don't do these things because you expect to be thanked. You do them because you're civilized and that's what civilized people do. If you get thanked, it's a bonus, and if you don't, you smile and act as though the other person thanked you, because expecting to be thanked is almost as bad as not thanking.
Period, end of story. So when you compound your original error (doing something nice for a fleeting sense of personal gratification instead of the fact that it's the right thing to do) by rudely correcting the person who neglected to thank you - well, of course you get a bad reaction! That person has already demonstrated that they aren't too great with the little words of thanks that apparently grease our society, do you really think they want a rude twit like you acting holier than thou about it?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-07-06 11:18 pm (UTC)Yep...though by just doing it I DO feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Just DOING it is my gratification. A "thanks" and/or a smile and/or nod gives it the little "inner squee!" factor.
I have the same philosophy about playing games...what fun is it, really, if you're NOT having fun but just playing to win? It makes it no fun for the other person either if you're playing like that (unless of course they really don't care what their opponent is like or just get a kick out of people like that). My husband and I were talking about that tonight, pondering why this one guy gets SO ANGRY if he gets beaten in a Magic: the Gathering game. He's in the Top 25 IN THE WORLD...so that's pretty impressive. But heck even Michael Jordan got beaten in basketball relatively regularly, even though he's one of the best basketball players to ever live. So this guy got super grouchy tonight from having lost one game in a tournament, and it was making his presence not-fun. He'll even cheat to "win" if things aren't looking like they're going his way.