*jawdrops*
May. 12th, 2005 10:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
Maybe it's just me...
Will It Be a Boy or a Girl? You Could Check the Receipt
By LINDA SASLOW
When Rochelle Ludwig became pregnant last year, she and her husband, David, debated whether to find out the sex of their baby early. Knowing that a routine sonogram at 20 weeks would most likely provide that information, they ultimately resisted the urge to look.
Laura and Lloyd Rosenbaum also thought it was important to be surprised. "When we thought about the excitement when the baby is born and you hear, 'It's a girl!' or 'It's a boy!' - we didn't want to give up that moment," she said.
But the Ludwigs and Rosenbaums wanted someone to know, behind the counter at the baby store.
Maybe it is another example of big city neuroticism. Or maybe it is the ultimate in practicality. But the Ludwigs and the Rosenbaums are among a growing number of Manhattan parents-to-be who do not learn the sex of their baby early, but still want the nursery decorated when baby arrives. So they choose two sets of furniture, clothing and bedding, then ask the store owners to call their obstetrician to find out whether to submit the order in pink or blue.
"It's a New York mentality," said Dr. Ricky Friedman, an obstetrician on the Upper East Side. "With the new technology at our disposal, just about anyone who wants to know the sex of their baby can. But for about half of our patients, who want to be surprised, they still want to be fully prepared, and everything still has to be planned perfectly."
Susan Johnson, co-owner of Blue Bench, in TriBeCa, has kept the secret for a dozen customers. But the service is starting to get more attention in places like New York magazine.
"The first time a customer asked me to call her doctor, I was so nervous and afraid that I'd blow the surprise," she said. "After we had spent hours together picking out two sets of furniture, bedding and curtains, once I knew what she was having, I told her not to call me again during her pregnancy."
Keeping the secret is especially hard for store owners when family members come snooping around.
"There have been several occasions," said Pat Meyerson, co-owner of La Layette, on the Upper East Side, "when a sister or mother-in-law has called and asked us to share the secret, but we never tell. Once we know the sex of the baby, we write it down on a sheet of paper and put it away - so we can try to forget that we know."
Ms. Johnson said one pregnant customer asked her to share the secret only with her mother.
"She wanted to have the nursery painted, carpeted and decorated in time for the baby, but didn't want to know herself," she said. "So every day when she went to work, her mom came to her apartment and worked on the room, then padlocked the door before leaving. For months, she lived with a padlocked nursery."
Not knowing can be excruciating, the expectant parents say.
After the Rosenbaums' sonogram, the technician wrote the sex of their baby on a slip of paper, folded it into a sealed envelope and handed it to them. "We made it for one block, then ripped up the envelope and threw the pieces into a garbage pail," Ms. Rosenbaum said.
But a month later, she returned for another sonogram, "and this time brought it to my doctor's office, so the stores could know." (It was a boy.)
Some parents look for clues, said Pamela Scurry, owner of Wicker Garden, on the Upper East Side. One customer, she said, had ordered two sets of layettes, but came back with her mother to choose alternatives when some items were unavailable.
"When the saleswoman spent a lot of time with them choosing a new pink blanket, they were smiling at each other, certain we knew it was a girl," Ms. Scurry said. When they chose an outfit for a bris, the circumcision ceremony, in case it was a boy, "and the saleswoman spent even longer helping them, they looked at each other again, now convinced that it was a boy. They were so busy trying to figure it out, without really wanting to know." (It was a girl.)
Temptation sat in Ms. Ludwig's home for weeks. After she had ordered two sets of bedding and two gliders, one with pink fabric, the other with blue, she told the store to ship the order to the home of her husband's family. But three weeks before her due date, the glider was mistakenly shipped to her apartment.
"For three long weeks, it sat in our nursery, in a huge box marked 'Do not open,' " Ms. Ludwig said. "It was torture." (The glider came in blue.)
Will It Be a Boy or a Girl? You Could Check the Receipt
By LINDA SASLOW
When Rochelle Ludwig became pregnant last year, she and her husband, David, debated whether to find out the sex of their baby early. Knowing that a routine sonogram at 20 weeks would most likely provide that information, they ultimately resisted the urge to look.
Laura and Lloyd Rosenbaum also thought it was important to be surprised. "When we thought about the excitement when the baby is born and you hear, 'It's a girl!' or 'It's a boy!' - we didn't want to give up that moment," she said.
But the Ludwigs and Rosenbaums wanted someone to know, behind the counter at the baby store.
Maybe it is another example of big city neuroticism. Or maybe it is the ultimate in practicality. But the Ludwigs and the Rosenbaums are among a growing number of Manhattan parents-to-be who do not learn the sex of their baby early, but still want the nursery decorated when baby arrives. So they choose two sets of furniture, clothing and bedding, then ask the store owners to call their obstetrician to find out whether to submit the order in pink or blue.
"It's a New York mentality," said Dr. Ricky Friedman, an obstetrician on the Upper East Side. "With the new technology at our disposal, just about anyone who wants to know the sex of their baby can. But for about half of our patients, who want to be surprised, they still want to be fully prepared, and everything still has to be planned perfectly."
Susan Johnson, co-owner of Blue Bench, in TriBeCa, has kept the secret for a dozen customers. But the service is starting to get more attention in places like New York magazine.
"The first time a customer asked me to call her doctor, I was so nervous and afraid that I'd blow the surprise," she said. "After we had spent hours together picking out two sets of furniture, bedding and curtains, once I knew what she was having, I told her not to call me again during her pregnancy."
Keeping the secret is especially hard for store owners when family members come snooping around.
"There have been several occasions," said Pat Meyerson, co-owner of La Layette, on the Upper East Side, "when a sister or mother-in-law has called and asked us to share the secret, but we never tell. Once we know the sex of the baby, we write it down on a sheet of paper and put it away - so we can try to forget that we know."
Ms. Johnson said one pregnant customer asked her to share the secret only with her mother.
"She wanted to have the nursery painted, carpeted and decorated in time for the baby, but didn't want to know herself," she said. "So every day when she went to work, her mom came to her apartment and worked on the room, then padlocked the door before leaving. For months, she lived with a padlocked nursery."
Not knowing can be excruciating, the expectant parents say.
After the Rosenbaums' sonogram, the technician wrote the sex of their baby on a slip of paper, folded it into a sealed envelope and handed it to them. "We made it for one block, then ripped up the envelope and threw the pieces into a garbage pail," Ms. Rosenbaum said.
But a month later, she returned for another sonogram, "and this time brought it to my doctor's office, so the stores could know." (It was a boy.)
Some parents look for clues, said Pamela Scurry, owner of Wicker Garden, on the Upper East Side. One customer, she said, had ordered two sets of layettes, but came back with her mother to choose alternatives when some items were unavailable.
"When the saleswoman spent a lot of time with them choosing a new pink blanket, they were smiling at each other, certain we knew it was a girl," Ms. Scurry said. When they chose an outfit for a bris, the circumcision ceremony, in case it was a boy, "and the saleswoman spent even longer helping them, they looked at each other again, now convinced that it was a boy. They were so busy trying to figure it out, without really wanting to know." (It was a girl.)
Temptation sat in Ms. Ludwig's home for weeks. After she had ordered two sets of bedding and two gliders, one with pink fabric, the other with blue, she told the store to ship the order to the home of her husband's family. But three weeks before her due date, the glider was mistakenly shipped to her apartment.
"For three long weeks, it sat in our nursery, in a huge box marked 'Do not open,' " Ms. Ludwig said. "It was torture." (The glider came in blue.)
no subject
Date: 2005-05-12 07:59 am (UTC)Why? Because I think gender roles are to a great extent artificial constructs, and they limit the potential of us as humans. And the minute you choose "pink for a girl" or "blue for a boy", you've decided that this child is going to sit in this little box society's made with your approval.
I had a long debate the other day with a father who said he was never going to have to deal with a cross dressing child because his children, who are 2 and 4 "were happy in their proper gender roles", the boy playing with truck and the girls with My Little Ponies and the very idea of a proper gender role disgusts me.
I hate pink. I like blue. It's a pretty, feminine colours. My baby girls will be dressed in blues and whites and lilacs. So are my boys, for that matter. I don't think I've worn pink in my life, and I turned out OK.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-12 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-12 10:06 am (UTC)Either way it's forcing the issue, I think, and now I just follow the lead of my children instead of what society wants or political correctness expects.
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Date: 2005-05-12 10:27 am (UTC)It's just when you have a newborn, you have no lead to follow :)
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Date: 2005-05-12 10:45 am (UTC)And what gets me is I wasnt a girlie girl and still am not, really. Weird stuff.
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Date: 2005-05-12 11:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-12 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-12 11:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-12 04:40 pm (UTC)I like skirts. (Full-cut skirts allow more freedom of movement than even the baggiest of trousers.) But should I ever have a child, anyone who tells that child not to want or play with a certain toy because "that's just for [girls/boys]" will have strips torn off them.
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Date: 2005-05-12 05:45 pm (UTC)Now, I know I can't raise a child gender neutral. I'm not immune to the cultural influences I've been exposed to. I don't intend to give my children gender neutral names. And as they get older, it'll become obvious anyway. But hey, at least I can fuck with strangers who want to immediately drop a baby into a box.
I spent most of my childhood bored because my mother felt certain toys were for girls and others were for boys. What do you do with barbies? There is no play value... they don't do anything. They just sit there as clutter. I will, at least, try to give kids a mix of toys, primarily based on their personality. And if that ends up being the standard gender roles, then okay. And if it isn't, okay. But they're getting lots of books whether they want them or not. :)
But mainly, I find the pink=girl and blue=boy funny. It used to be the exact reverse. Reds are usually seen as masculine colors, and pink used to be the traditional color for a boy. Blue was seen as a gentle feminine color. It just switched culturally at one point. It also is traditional in many cultures in many times to dress boys as girls, because boys are seen as more valuable and that way you fool evil spirits into not bothering to harm your precious baby boy by making them think it's a girl not worth bothering with. I don't ~like~ that, but it's kind of an interesting note. Lots of fun interactions with gender, culture, and babies.
My room was not specifically decorated for my birth. And alas, do to the unfortunate existence of the 70s, it was decorated in a weird zebraesque pattern. Eventually it got painted to a color of my choice. I went with a peach color that turned out to work better than I expected, as during part of the day the sunlight would enter the room just right to make the whole room seem to have a soft glow.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-12 06:03 pm (UTC)Au contraire! Barbie dolls make great superheroes. No, really! And they play nicely with the My Little Ponies (who are all the unfortunate victims of plots to take over the world).
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Date: 2005-05-12 06:09 pm (UTC)And with almost all of the toys/dolls I did have, I was expected to make sure that they stayed in good condition. Which meant that basically they were utterly useless and no fun at all. But that's a bit off topic for this thread.
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Date: 2005-05-12 06:14 pm (UTC)And as for your toys, that sucks. You don't give kids toys they can't play with.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-12 06:20 pm (UTC)But I was also expected to keep them in good condition. Which meant to be careful. Plus, the Barbies weren't actually mine. They were my sisters, but I was allowed to play with them on extended years long loan...
My mother did a lot of things like that. Along with thinking I had no need for tinker toys or capsella of my own, because she'd already bought them for my brothers. Of course, my brothers did not allow me to touch their toys except every now and then when they felt especially generous.
I could go on and on, but it really doesn't matter.