It’s a Girl! It’s a Boy! And for the Gender-Reveal Cake, It May Be the End

[conuly]

Oddly, this article doesn't much touch on the fact that the gender essentialism of many of these cakes is damaging for everybody. Pink or blue is one thing, but determining your unborn child's hobbies and interests based on their private parts is just weird.

When people who post their videos and photos of gender-reveal parties on Instagram accidentally tag the Gender Reveal podcast, Mx. Woodstock sometimes uses it as an opportunity to provide a little education. “I might say, ‘This is a convenient time to remind you that the genitals of your baby don’t determine the baby’s gender.’”

The poster usually removes the tag and blocks the podcast’s account.

LOL, yeah, I bet they do.

From the comments: I guess today some would have us bring up our children with no gender and just "let the child decide" at some point? I guess genital difference would be treated like blue or brown eyes, blond or dark hair.

I mean, yeah, that sounds good to me? What exactly are you imagining as the alternative here? Intoning "YOU ARE A BOY. YOU HAVE A PENIS. YOU MUST LIKE FOOTBALL. BALLET IS GROSS. DON'T BE A SISSY" every night?

Also, for everybody reading along at home: Yes, reveal is a noun. It has been used as an English-language noun with the present meaning since at least the 1600s. Nouns and verbs in English are pretty flexible anyway, but this has long precedent. Look it up.

Edit: Bonus comic repost!

Comments

[elayna]

Birthday cards bother me more than the cakes. My niece and nephew are 10. He went through a Disney Princess stage; she likes bugs. It’s almost impossible to find them birthday cards each year, cards for kids are so gender-driven. She’s a special princess! He’s awesome! At least the cakes are enjoyed by adults before the kids arrive, but then everything in our culture for kids screams specific gender roles directly at them.

[conuly]

Handmade cards?

[moon_custafer]

There are people who get upset at “reveal” being used as a noun? They must hate reading plot summaries and discussions about narrative structure.

[conuly]

Evidently there are.

[negothick]

Besides, gender reveal parties are dangerous: "a gender reveal party in Arizona went horribly wrong, sparking a wildfire that burned nearly 47,000 acres and caused more than $8 million in damage."
https://www.cnn.com/2018/11/27/us/arizona-gender-reveal-party-sawmill-wildfire-trnd/index.html

[conuly]

Oh, if it hadn't been a gender reveal party it would've been something else. At a certain point we have to accept that some people just like to watch the world burn.

[zesty_pinto]

That's yet another great reason why they should regulate some of these chemicals. Thermite being readily available still concerns me when you have all these anti-government types feeling empowered.

If they try to make some at home instead, then at least I get to feel better knowing some of these vanilla Daeshbags gave themselves their own viking funeral since they probably didn't care much about education in their early years, either.

[nostalgia]

I feel like it means something to the parents that they can go "Oh, probably a boy/girl, good to know" but people make it so gendered and don't allow a bit of their brains to go "unless the child actually has a different gender and tells us this at some point." Now I'm imagining banners with stuff like "PROBABLY A GIRL!" and "IT HAS A WILLY!"

[bibliofile]

Look, if the kid wasn't born with a willy, we can always fab one in crochet or buy one from a store.

Still waiting for banners that say, "Hey, it's puppies!"

[senmut]

I have at least one friend on my circle raising a very happy and strong child with gender neutrality. It can happen.

[conuly]

If our culture didn't suck so much I'd think it's easier to happen this way than the other way - less chance of boxing your kid into an unhappy corner.

[larryhammer]

People who invest a lot of their to-be-child's identity in their gender reveal are going to be HORRIBLE parents to an intersex kid.

[conuly]

Maybe, maybe not - but I'll admit I'm not too sanguine about their odds with a (non-intersex) LGBT one.

[ioplokon]

Someone once mentioned that the wanted to have a gender reveal party in the form of two wrestlers, one in pink and one in blue, having a wrestle. The winter of the match would indicate the gender of the child.

I replied: 'Genders not fake, it's predetermined!'

[conuly]

LOL.

Not to rag on pro wrestling that much - it isn't fake. It's highly physical acting where the actors do all their own stunts.

[bibliofile]

...determining your unborn child's hobbies and interests based on their private parts is just weird.

Not just private parts, but the visible private bits. Beyond weird, when you think about it.

[conuly]

Bit dystopian, really.

[kshandra]

I did love the post making the rounds somewhere recently that pointed out most gender-reveal cakes wind up looking remarkably like the trans pride flag on the outside due to the color scheme...

[conuly]

Hah, I hadn't thought of that!

[kengr]

Semi-on topic

I'm reminded of an old joke. A stereotypical "crusty old country doctor" has had enough of one of the local busybodies pumping him for info to spread as gossip.

So when she asks him about the baby he delivered earlier that day he replies, "That child was born without a penis."

Cue shocked reaction from busybody.

"But she'll have a damn nice place to put one in 20 years..."

[conuly]

*snrk*

[greghousesgf]

I forget whether I mentioned this here before or not but the first time I ever heard about a gender reveal party I thought it was some sort of coming out party for trans people. I still think that needs to be a thing if it isn't already.

[conuly]

https://www.npr.org/2018/08/16/639147599/colorado-baker-sues-state-again-after-refusing-to-make-cake-for-transgender-woma

[rhoda_rants]

From the comments: I guess today some would have us bring up our children with no gender and just "let the child decide" at some point? I guess genital difference would be treated like blue or brown eyes, blond or dark hair.

I mean, yeah, that sounds good to me?

Yeah, that sounds pretty groovy to me too. I really wonder what they expect the response to be when people list that as a BAD thing. "Oh heavens no, I'd NEVER allow my child to make up their OWN mind about their identity!" *eyeroll*

[conuly]

What does she think the downside is?

[halfshellvenus]

I would love to see that trend go away, if for no other reason than (*fuddy-duddy alert*) it is so very much a "me-me-me!" kind of thing to do. Your friends are not invested in your baby's gender-- it's not a big deal to them. Get over yourselves.

And for those who ARE invested in the gender... what century are you people living in?

[conuly]

Oh, I don't mind people throwing multiple parties to celebrate their incoming new arrival. They won't have time for parties afterwards.

[wpadmirer]

The whole gender-reveal thing is so weird. But of course, I was born when you didn't find out until birth. (grin)

[conuly]

I just wish they'd say sex.q

[gwydion]

That sounds excellent to me.

[conuly]

I mean, I do like cake, but do we really need a silly excuse to eat it?

[hafnia]

Gender reveal parties have always struck me as incredibly weird. They weren't really a "thing" when I was growing up (went to a lot of baby showers for older cousins and stuff, where it was perhaps mentioned in passing but not really), but they've become A Thing as my friends have started having kids, and...I don't get it? I don't need to know what genitals your child has, thank you! (And shouldn't it be, "biological sex reveal party", anyway?)

[silverusagi]

Part of me wonders if gender reveal parties aren't some sort of subconscious cultural backlash to the idea that gender is more fluid. Such parties weren't a thing until somewhat recently, and the idea that gender is more fluid wasn't a (mainstream aware) thing until somewhat recently. Even 10-15 years ago, I don't remember people having kids doing reveal parties.

[silveradept]

I will be holding the door to send gender reveal parties back out into the wild, where they can graze freely and never be seen again. Then we can go to work on degendering lives, careers, and everything else that can be.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

"I guess today some would have us bring up our children with no gender and just "let the child decide" at some point? I guess genital difference would be treated like blue or brown eyes, blond or dark hair."

Genital difference only makes a difference once pregnancy is a possibility, and even then, that's about sex (biology), not about the social performance of femininity or masculinity. For my money, we could skip having 'gender' at all, just let everyone be as femme or as butch as they feel like, while taking measures to ensure that pregnancy only happens to those who want it to happen. "Simplify, simplify."

[conuly]

Seriously, I kept waiting for that person to specify the downside and she just... didn't.