It’s a Girl! It’s a Boy! And for the Gender-Reveal Cake, It May Be the End

[conuly]

Oddly, this article doesn't much touch on the fact that the gender essentialism of many of these cakes is damaging for everybody. Pink or blue is one thing, but determining your unborn child's hobbies and interests based on their private parts is just weird.

When people who post their videos and photos of gender-reveal parties on Instagram accidentally tag the Gender Reveal podcast, Mx. Woodstock sometimes uses it as an opportunity to provide a little education. “I might say, ‘This is a convenient time to remind you that the genitals of your baby don’t determine the baby’s gender.’”

The poster usually removes the tag and blocks the podcast’s account.

LOL, yeah, I bet they do.

From the comments: I guess today some would have us bring up our children with no gender and just "let the child decide" at some point? I guess genital difference would be treated like blue or brown eyes, blond or dark hair.

I mean, yeah, that sounds good to me? What exactly are you imagining as the alternative here? Intoning "YOU ARE A BOY. YOU HAVE A PENIS. YOU MUST LIKE FOOTBALL. BALLET IS GROSS. DON'T BE A SISSY" every night?

Also, for everybody reading along at home: Yes, reveal is a noun. It has been used as an English-language noun with the present meaning since at least the 1600s. Nouns and verbs in English are pretty flexible anyway, but this has long precedent. Look it up.

Edit: Bonus comic repost!

Comments

[elayna]

Birthday cards bother me more than the cakes. My niece and nephew are 10. He went through a Disney Princess stage; she likes bugs. It’s almost impossible to find them birthday cards each year, cards for kids are so gender-driven. She’s a special princess! He’s awesome! At least the cakes are enjoyed by adults before the kids arrive, but then everything in our culture for kids screams specific gender roles directly at them.

[moon_custafer]

There are people who get upset at “reveal” being used as a noun? They must hate reading plot summaries and discussions about narrative structure.

[conuly]

Evidently there are.

[conuly]

Handmade cards?

[negothick]

Besides, gender reveal parties are dangerous: "a gender reveal party in Arizona went horribly wrong, sparking a wildfire that burned nearly 47,000 acres and caused more than $8 million in damage."
https://www.cnn.com/2018/11/27/us/arizona-gender-reveal-party-sawmill-wildfire-trnd/index.html

[conuly]

Oh, if it hadn't been a gender reveal party it would've been something else. At a certain point we have to accept that some people just like to watch the world burn.

[nostalgia]

I feel like it means something to the parents that they can go "Oh, probably a boy/girl, good to know" but people make it so gendered and don't allow a bit of their brains to go "unless the child actually has a different gender and tells us this at some point." Now I'm imagining banners with stuff like "PROBABLY A GIRL!" and "IT HAS A WILLY!"

[senmut]

I have at least one friend on my circle raising a very happy and strong child with gender neutrality. It can happen.

[larryhammer]

People who invest a lot of their to-be-child's identity in their gender reveal are going to be HORRIBLE parents to an intersex kid.

[conuly]

Maybe, maybe not - but I'll admit I'm not too sanguine about their odds with a (non-intersex) LGBT one.

[ioplokon]

Someone once mentioned that the wanted to have a gender reveal party in the form of two wrestlers, one in pink and one in blue, having a wrestle. The winter of the match would indicate the gender of the child.

I replied: 'Genders not fake, it's predetermined!'

[larryhammer]

Nope.

[bibliofile]

Look, if the kid wasn't born with a willy, we can always fab one in crochet or buy one from a store.

Still waiting for banners that say, "Hey, it's puppies!"

[bibliofile]

...determining your unborn child's hobbies and interests based on their private parts is just weird.

Not just private parts, but the visible private bits. Beyond weird, when you think about it.

[peoriapeoriawhereart]

X-acto knife modding of cards.

The problem is adults take those Gendered Cards so seriously. (And seriously enough they get mad if you put wee babies in green and yellow.) Kids are VERY GOOD at reading those messages even below the age of 'literacy' or speech.

[conuly]

Even if they swear they don't, they treat babies differently as newborns based on what color they're wearing - more active movement with boys, more talking (and more sophisticated speech!) with girls.

And then they say "Well, it's innate, my girl/boy turned two/three/four and they were all about princesses/guns!"

Inevitably, that was when the child entered preschool. If it even happened - I've had conversations with parents of older toddlers/preschoolers where they swore their little boy "wouldn't know what to do" with a toy kitchen set, meanwhile I looked over their shoulder and saw that selfsame boy happily pretending to cook food at the SI Children's Museum kitchen.

[peoriapeoriawhereart]

There was a gender reveal party that at least was for a horse.

To Be Determined would be a fantastic theme for a shower. Funcetti cake? Marbled? Checkerboard? All of the above?

[conuly]

Funfetti, all the way.

[conuly]

Bit dystopian, really.

[conuly]

LOL.

Not to rag on pro wrestling that much - it isn't fake. It's highly physical acting where the actors do all their own stunts.

[peoriapeoriawhereart]

Not too sure about them raising boys or girls either, even if their kids are cis.

"Don't raise your sons to be abusers."

and

"Daughters aren't chits for games."

aren't likely songs in their mental jukebox.

[peoriapeoriawhereart]

So, Pro-Wrestling is Physical Calvinism as opposed to Sport.

[peoriapeoriawhereart]

There's a finding paid for by LEGO, and it really begs the question. Because I've read studies using small children and some customed toys (there was a goth My Little Pony, and a fun fur helmet to name just two) and really, the suggestion is that children enjoy things that have a frisson of breaking the binary rules AND they are very aware of those rules even though they may dislike them.

Playing cooking and playing science lab are from one standpoint the same activity. But you get certain kinds of adults involved they're Not. And that's the difference between Home Ec and AP Chemistry and also the difference between a lunch lady and an engineer.

[hilarita]

Yup. A friend of mine would respond to "What are you having?" (in the context of being pregnant) with "A baby". Some people were mightily offended. I responded with "That's probably better than a horse".

[kshandra]

I did love the post making the rounds somewhere recently that pointed out most gender-reveal cakes wind up looking remarkably like the trans pride flag on the outside due to the color scheme...