Random question
Feb. 13th, 2018 02:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyWell, not that random.
But is it possible to have the ancillary parts of depression without, well, the being depressed part?
Right now I have all the stuff that (generally after the fact) I associate with being depressed - my executive functioning is gone completely to hell, my sleep schedule hasn't been this screwed since high school, I'm having random bouts of "nope, still can't remember how to move my legs", and occasionally feelings of "gosh, are those actually my hands" - the last of which previously has only happened when I was in a really bad state. (College, actually, right before I went on very long term hiatus due to being completely unable to face it. And it's very disconcerting to be wiping your butt or using your mouse or snuggling your cat and feeling like the arm doing that isn't quite yours. I mean, there's nothing to do but cope with it, but still.)
But emotionally I feel... fine? Better than fine, considering the state of the world and the fact that it's still dark and winter outside (but warm, which would normally get me gloomy about climate change at the very least, but I was really just happy about having the windows open).
Instead I feel cheerful and happy, and I'm interested in stuff (yet not obsessed with stuff) and not facing my usual seasonal awfulness... while still being less functional than I've pretty much ever been. For all the same things that generally would wipe me out if I were depressed. With an inordinate effort we're getting through school every day, but that's about it.
I should talk to somebody about this. Like, a real world somebody, but given how many tries it took to make this post I'm not sure how long it'll take to do that. In between now and however long it takes, I'm not sure what to do to mitigate this situation, or even understand it.
But is it possible to have the ancillary parts of depression without, well, the being depressed part?
Right now I have all the stuff that (generally after the fact) I associate with being depressed - my executive functioning is gone completely to hell, my sleep schedule hasn't been this screwed since high school, I'm having random bouts of "nope, still can't remember how to move my legs", and occasionally feelings of "gosh, are those actually my hands" - the last of which previously has only happened when I was in a really bad state. (College, actually, right before I went on very long term hiatus due to being completely unable to face it. And it's very disconcerting to be wiping your butt or using your mouse or snuggling your cat and feeling like the arm doing that isn't quite yours. I mean, there's nothing to do but cope with it, but still.)
But emotionally I feel... fine? Better than fine, considering the state of the world and the fact that it's still dark and winter outside (but warm, which would normally get me gloomy about climate change at the very least, but I was really just happy about having the windows open).
Instead I feel cheerful and happy, and I'm interested in stuff (yet not obsessed with stuff) and not facing my usual seasonal awfulness... while still being less functional than I've pretty much ever been. For all the same things that generally would wipe me out if I were depressed. With an inordinate effort we're getting through school every day, but that's about it.
I should talk to somebody about this. Like, a real world somebody, but given how many tries it took to make this post I'm not sure how long it'll take to do that. In between now and however long it takes, I'm not sure what to do to mitigate this situation, or even understand it.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-13 05:47 pm (UTC)