Random question

[conuly]

Well, not that random.

But is it possible to have the ancillary parts of depression without, well, the being depressed part?

Right now I have all the stuff that (generally after the fact) I associate with being depressed - my executive functioning is gone completely to hell, my sleep schedule hasn't been this screwed since high school, I'm having random bouts of "nope, still can't remember how to move my legs", and occasionally feelings of "gosh, are those actually my hands" - the last of which previously has only happened when I was in a really bad state. (College, actually, right before I went on very long term hiatus due to being completely unable to face it. And it's very disconcerting to be wiping your butt or using your mouse or snuggling your cat and feeling like the arm doing that isn't quite yours. I mean, there's nothing to do but cope with it, but still.)

But emotionally I feel... fine? Better than fine, considering the state of the world and the fact that it's still dark and winter outside (but warm, which would normally get me gloomy about climate change at the very least, but I was really just happy about having the windows open).

Instead I feel cheerful and happy, and I'm interested in stuff (yet not obsessed with stuff) and not facing my usual seasonal awfulness... while still being less functional than I've pretty much ever been. For all the same things that generally would wipe me out if I were depressed. With an inordinate effort we're getting through school every day, but that's about it.

I should talk to somebody about this. Like, a real world somebody, but given how many tries it took to make this post I'm not sure how long it'll take to do that. In between now and however long it takes, I'm not sure what to do to mitigate this situation, or even understand it.

Comments

[wpadmirer]

I'm going through a strange period that is similar. I think it's subconscious stress about things. I've actually been pretty cheerful, but I'm having stress dreams and nightmares.

It may be related to worrying about the state of the world, over which I have no control. So it's coming out in weird ways.

Because personally, my life is not terrible at all.

[redbird]

There's clearly something going on there; I am not a doctor (she understated), but it definitely sounds like something in a neuropsychiatric direction. Talking to someone who knows more than we do sounds reasonable; in the meantime, are there any coping techniques you used from the last time you were that depressed that might be useful here?

I have a feeling that most of how people—likely including psychologists and psychiatrists—think about and address depression assumes that the patient is neurotypical except for having this specific and hopefully temporary mental illness. That is, the assumption is that with the right treatment, or time and good luck, they'll be restored to a happy neurotypical baseline. I don't know, though, how much difference this makes for a depressed person who is on the spectrum.

[8hyenas]

Maybe it's being caused by the level of distance between the stressors. College was directly happening to you, maybe what's upsetting you isn't (it might be, if so just ignore me).

Like right now I feel pretty good on the surface, my life is fine. Highly organized, secure, peaceful. But the rest of the world...isn't.

[cookiegirl]

I don't think I have any useful advice, but I hope you're feeling better soon!

[conuly]

Well, from my last bout of seasonal depression I'm using my lightbox religiously. But other than that. Coping techniques? LOL.

[malkingrey]

Have you gotten yourself checked out for organic problems, like maybe a vitamin deficiency?

[conuly]

No, but it seems like a thing to do. (Actually, I'm pretty convinced it is psychological, because even now mostly it pops up when there's something I don't want to do, like wash dishes, but....)

[stormsong]

I think you should talk to someone, and update us when you have made an appointment.

[conuly]

Yeah, I know, but this is the thing I hate doing. (And putting that aside, this is also the thing I'm not sure I can do right now. I didn't eat today until 5:30. I just... forgot. I have a whole pile of other phone calls to make which I haven't done yet either.)

[siderea]

But is it possible to have the ancillary parts of depression without, well, the being depressed part?

Sure. The DSM is not the boss of your brain. Your brain is welcome to do whatever it feels like.

I like to call this sort of thing "hypomelancholia" (by parallelism to hypomania) but that's my coinage and not an official term.

It could be something physically is stressing you out, too. Any evidence of infections? Like, does your executive function get better when you have some NSAIDs, assuming you cna do NSAIDs?

[siderea]

Yeah, I know, but this is the thing I hate doing.

Is this something someone else could do for you?

P.S. if you didn't eat because you weren't hungry, well, apetite disturbance is also an official depression sx.

[conuly]

Well, I have been stuffed up. For three weeks, come to think - I was stuffy when my mother went to the hospital already.

That's certainly a non-dismal medical possibility. (Dismal medical possibilities start bad and end awful.)

[conuly]

Is this something someone else could do for you?

What, talk to somebody? That'd be great!

Or just make an appointment? Theoretically possible, but despite their pretensions nobody in my family likes doing that any more than I do. They just don't have autism as an excuse. (Somehow this ends up with me making more of the household related phone calls than anybody else. I don't get it.)

But I wonder if I could make an appointment online, like how I order pizza now. Thank goodness there's a plethora of low-cost options in NYC.

[siderea]

Some mental health providers do indeed allow oline booking either through a website or via email.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Um. What you're describing doesn't really sound like the ancillary parts of depression. I mean, sure, depression does affect a person's sleep cycles and executive processing, especially if the person is on the spectrum already. However:

"I'm having random bouts of "nope, still can't remember how to move my legs", and occasionally feelings of "gosh, are those actually my hands"

... that is not a symptom of depression. It is a symptom of diabetes, which also disturbs sleep and executive processing. Back when you had these problems before, did you ever have a fasting glucose tolerance test? I would strongly suggest you go to your Real Doctor and get one now, as soon as possible - don't delay; uncontrolled diabetes (if that's what you have) can mess a person up really badly.

*hugs* Seriously, don't delay. If it's not that, it's something else that probably will not just Go Away If Ignored.

[conuly]

...I'm not sure depersonalization is a symptom of diabetes actually. Though I'll certainly take your advice just in case.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Depersonalization can be a symptom of a lot of different things, especially if one is autistic to begin with, but blood-sugar glitches can certainly affect one's nervous system balance (https://robbwolf.com/2015/01/28/are-you-on-team-sympathetic-or-team-parasympathetic/), and blood sugar is easy to test, so that's a place to start. Your doctor will probably test a lot of other things too, such as your hormone and vitamin levels, cholesterol, and blood oxygen levels. I'd wonder about exposure to heavy metals, molds and allergens as well.

Obviously, depersonalization and derealization can have psychological causes as well as physical ones, and if you think that might be what's going on, by all means go talk to somebody about it. But get all the potential physical causes checked first, because if you start out with the (unverifiable) assumption that it's 'psychosomatic', you'll have a hard time changing that assumption later. Like Sherlock Holmes always said, rule out everything that can be ruled out before looking farther afield for explanations.

[conuly]

No, you're right. I mean, I always want to argue the point because I love doing that (seriously) but there's no point trying to argue about my body until I visit a doctor.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

*grins* Oh, I know; we're two of a kind that way. There's certainly no point in me trying to argue about your body, sight unseen from 3000 miles away, and with neither 'M.D.' behind my name nor lab tests results before my eyes.