conuly

And last week they borrowed my salt because I guess theirs is locked up with everything else, which would be fine except nobody told me or brought it back. And I told all the kids "yo, don't do that again", except a few days later they did and I screamed for a while until I got my salt back.

And Eva had the gall to tell me I was overreacting, so I told her a story:

Once upon a time there was a king who had three daughters, let's call them Regan, Goneril, and Cordelia. Anyway, one day he decided to divvy up his kingdom between them, and before he did he decided to test their love, because he's a terrible father. But his children had no basis of comparison, so they never figured out he was emotionally abusive, and so they loved him, more or less. And first he asked Regan "How much do you love me?" and she said she loved him more than gold and silver, and Cordelia was like "Wow, my sister is totally full of it", but he was completely taken in and he gave Regan a nice bit of land. And then he asked Goneril "How much do you love me?" and Goneril said she loved him more than gold and silver AND PRECIOUS GEMS SO THERE, and Cordelia was like "Wow, my sister is SO FULL OF IT", but her dad was a bit of a dim bulb really and didn't really care about the sincerity of the praise he received and he also gave Goneril a nice bit of land. But he was holding the nicest bit of land back because he really liked Cordelia. And then he asked Cordelia, and she said "Um, I love you as much as I love salt" and he says "Seriously, that's what you're going with?" and she says "Yup, I love you like I love salt" and so he kicked her out without giving her a chance to pack her bags. Luckily, back then kingdoms were really small, like they're all the size of Monaco or Luxembourg or something, so she was able to get to a new castle just a short walk away and fall in love with and marry the prince. I mean, first she had to work in the kitchen and bump into him a few times, standard fairy tale stuff, but whatever. Anyway, they got married, as I said, and they invited all the local royals to the wedding. Including her dad, who didn't know it was her. I don't know, maybe the invitations said "You're invited to the marriage of Prince Charming and his MYSTERY BRIDE". And since she had worked in the kitchen or whatever she was still on great terms with the cook, so it was easy for her to arrange that his meal didn't have any salt in it. And when he tasted it he cried, because it was completely inedible and now he know how much his daughter had loved him. And lo and behold she showed up and instead of going "Are those tears salty enough for you NOW, Dad?" she just said she still loved him, so they reconciled and she got her plot of land and all. Plus she was married before her sisters and I bet she never let them forget it. And the moral of this story is if I lose my salt again I will absolutely lose my shit. I need salt in my kitchen. THE END.

But when I went to the store I just bought them their own salt because this is ridiculous and it doesn't even cost that much.

*******

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