We have a new, two-flush toilet.

I'd brag - and I definitely could've done it myself, with time! - but midway through my ranting about the stupid bolts that wouldn't unbolt (that is, the very first step) Ana's friend who was sleeping over came out, revealed that he spent his entire childhood taking apart the family toilet whenever he was in a pissy mood or sometimes just for fun, and offered to help out.

We don't normally ask houseguests to handle our domestic plumbing issues, but, I mean, when they offer...

So the toilet is installed, and it's all him hardly any of it me. We definitely owe him, and he's all politely "Oh, no, don't worry about it", but man, he earned a little hangout cash for him and Ana to, well, hang out.

Newbery Award-Winning Title and Plot Generator

http://magatsu.net/generators/newbery/index.php

The conclusions are the best part. In blurb after blurb, young people learn:

a valuable lesson about mansplaining and that people who believe in magic aren't refreshingly different, they're delusional.

that creating fantasy worlds kills your friends

if you find a place where you're happy, prepare to leave.

a valuable lesson about the tax code and that there is no such thing as dragons.

you should never throw a bucket of flaming kerosene out the front door without first checking to make sure your mother hasn't unexpectedly returned.

you cannot change the things you'd most like to change.

that sometimes everybody dies in the Holocaust

that the other children are laughing at you behind your back and you should never befriend an animal

that humanity is doomed, and richly deserves it

a valuable lesson on how incest is wrong and creepy, especially if it involves a father and only one of his identical twin daughters

Well, it goes on like that for some time. Somewhere, an English teacher is just waiting to inflict these on her 6th grade class.