Newbery Award-Winning Title and Plot Generator

[conuly]

http://magatsu.net/generators/newbery/index.php

The conclusions are the best part. In blurb after blurb, young people learn:

a valuable lesson about mansplaining and that people who believe in magic aren't refreshingly different, they're delusional.

that creating fantasy worlds kills your friends

if you find a place where you're happy, prepare to leave.

a valuable lesson about the tax code and that there is no such thing as dragons.

you should never throw a bucket of flaming kerosene out the front door without first checking to make sure your mother hasn't unexpectedly returned.

you cannot change the things you'd most like to change.

that sometimes everybody dies in the Holocaust

that the other children are laughing at you behind your back and you should never befriend an animal

that humanity is doomed, and richly deserves it

a valuable lesson on how incest is wrong and creepy, especially if it involves a father and only one of his identical twin daughters

Well, it goes on like that for some time. Somewhere, an English teacher is just waiting to inflict these on her 6th grade class.

Comments

[sabotabby]

That is a delight.

[landofnowhere]

How many of these come from actual books? I recognize the kerosene from Out of the Dust.

[conuly]

I think it's supposed to be most/all of them? Eventually the original link popped up on my reading list here.

[rachelmanija]

Most of them.

[landofnowhere]

Um...do I want to know about the incest one?

[rachelmanija]

Identical, by Ellen Hopkins. Here, have an actual excerpt:

crawling up into daddy's lap
when dad was still

DADDY

nodding my head against his chest soaking in the comfort of his heart

LISTENING

to the thump...thump
somewhere beneath muscle
and breastbone I remember his arms
their sublime

ENCIRCLING

and the shawdow of his voice
"I love you, little girl.
Put away your bad dreams.
Daddy's here"

I put them away, Until Daddy became my nightmare that one that came

HOME

from work everyday and instead
of picking me up, chased me far
far
away

[landofnowhere]

*cringes*

[landofnowhere]

So I looked up what Goodreads has to say about this book (which somehow got 4.3 stars?) And I see there's actually a twist ending where it turns out there's only one twin with multiple personalities, the other one died in a car accident caused by the dad. Which on the one hand makes the "only one of the identical twin daughters" bit less WTF, but on the other hand just makes everything even more awesomely depressing.

Also why are all the most depressing books written in free verse?

[rachelmanija]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL. I missed putting in "has the delusion that she's twins when actually her twin died in a car crash caused by her dad."

[greghousesgf]

ugh, I just had dinner.

[moon_custafer]

Someone alert the Wild Dada Ducks!

[halfshellvenus]

OMG, that thing is genius! And hilarious. :D

[elf]

That is a terrific generator and I'm going to throw it at people during Yuletide. "Can't think of a plot? HERE TRY THIS. Only, probably adjust it so that fewer people die." Because wow that generator results in a whole lot of "after the friend dies anyway, the protagonist learns a valuable lesson about..."

[shadowkat]

you should never throw a bucket of flaming kerosene out the front door without first checking to make sure your mother hasn't unexpectedly returned.

LOL! Well, I guess it depends on how one feels about one's mother?

[greghousesgf]

insert Joan Crawford joke here

[nodrog]

All of those generators are entertaining!

[sallymn]

I could spend a loweringly long time on that...