What do you do...

When you want to tell somebody they've been mildly offensive without offending them? Because this person didn't mean to offend, and you like them, and anyway it's not your cause to champion... but they've been offensive and you want to tell them. People shouldn't be saying things that are accidentally offensive.

And what if it's not offensive to the people whom it refers to? What if I've got the wrong end of the stick here? (Pretty sure I don't, but I've been a bit quick to irritate lately, if you haven't noticed....)

Hm.

I think I'll start by asking: would you mind if I told you you'd said something offensive?

If the person in question replies "no", I can go on to asking advice from people who know more about the specific subject at hand.

(And yes I know this is maddeningly vague. It's supposed to be. I don't want the person in question guessing, unlike most of the times when people say "IF YOU DO SUCH AND FUCH I WON'T BE YOUR FRIEND!" and everyone thinks it's them *but* the person it really is. I don't know how to do that without 1. making a special filter to exclude this person or 2. being maddeningly vague. Suggestions on this would also be appreciated. Odds are it's not you, anyway, because it's only one person out of my huge friends list. And... it's nobody I know in person, so those of you can breathe easily.)

And please comment if you have an opinion on being corrected for offensiveness. This'd be really helpful to me. For seriously offensive things, I don't care what you think (and may even recruit others to help drive the point home), for minor things.... I don't want to drag up the energy for an argument every time somebody says something off.

And please recall that I'm not upset, just... The post/comment in question (that's an or so you don't think it's one or the other) illustrates some serious misconceptions... I hate it when people are wrong.

Well, the person who made the somewhat offensive comment hasn't commented.

It wasn't anybody who said "sure, tell me if it was me". So you can all breathe easy now.

Still not sure if I should call this person on zir (this is to confuse the subject, not because it's zir's prefered pronoun) comment/post.

I probably *will*. I'll make a filtered entry in a bit to Discuss What I Should Say, because, again, it's not a subject I'm an expert on, just enough to know "Um... this comment is wrong in ways I don't like".

Edit: She has. And I've replied to her. So you can stop worrying now.

I have a probably insulting question...

The other day, I was at the museum, and I commented (for no reason, actually, I don't know why I did that) that I can't abide strollers. Up the stairs, down the stairs, on the bus, off the bus....

The person I was talking to mentioned that she hadn't ever taken her Ana-sized kid on the bus yet. (Well, this *is* Staten Island....)

What she didn't know is that we'd actually detoured from our normal route, been incredibly late, and taken car service from the boat that day.

Seven dollars, pre-tip. Seven dollars for, what, a five minute car ride? Used to be four, only about a year ago.

If gas has gone up that much, I wonder that *anybody* can afford to drive! All you people living in places without public transportation ought to get on that.

So... how can people afford to drive? Are prices really that high? I'm out of the loop here, this being something I don't really care about in my day to day life.

(And, for your disinterested information, public transportation is much better for kids than cars. They can't snuggle with you in cars when they're upset, they can't stand up and hold the pole like a grownup in cars, they can't ring the bell in cars, they can't improve their social skills in cars (Ana's being taught right now not to stare. Better to teach her at three than to wait and teach her at seven. She's already learned how to say "excuse me" and "thank you bye thank you bye" and similar necessities) and all the money you save can go straight into college (if you live in a place without a decent educational system....) or other necessities. But I'm biased.)

On the subject of being taught not to stare...

The bus we take often has a disabled passenger on it. A guy in a wheelchair who takes the same route at the same time as we do.

Ana is fascinated, understandably, with the process of making the lift work and getting people off the bus thataway. I mean, the DRIVER leaves his SEAT, OMG!

But I don't want her staring at people who are different than she is. It's understandable, tolerable, and even almost cute in a three year old. It's not going to be forever, though. I did manage to get her to stop saying "STROLLER!" every time she sees somebody in a wheelchair, but this is harder. Just a bit.

I also worry, of course, that my efforts to convince her not to stare at anybody are equally offensive.

I worry too much, I think.

Well, worst comes to worst, if she morphs into a spoiled brat, she's not my kid.