On the subject of being taught not to stare...

[conuly]

The bus we take often has a disabled passenger on it. A guy in a wheelchair who takes the same route at the same time as we do.

Ana is fascinated, understandably, with the process of making the lift work and getting people off the bus thataway. I mean, the DRIVER leaves his SEAT, OMG!

But I don't want her staring at people who are different than she is. It's understandable, tolerable, and even almost cute in a three year old. It's not going to be forever, though. I did manage to get her to stop saying "STROLLER!" every time she sees somebody in a wheelchair, but this is harder. Just a bit.

I also worry, of course, that my efforts to convince her not to stare at anybody are equally offensive.

I worry too much, I think.

Well, worst comes to worst, if she morphs into a spoiled brat, she's not my kid.

Comments

[peebs1701.livejournal.com]

< pedant >If worse comes to worst.< /pedant >

I can understand Ana being fascinated with that. Hell, I'm fascinated with that and was also amazed that the driver left his seat. What can I say, I grew up in a city with worthless public transit and am only now using it on a semi-regular basis. Possibly you worry too much. I think the key is emphasizing that they are different, but that's ok.

I agree.

[keladrian.livejournal.com]

If you don't mind me saying this but I agree with Jenn. I was trying to get Seth from saying cab to every car he saw, and he now has a habit of getting into the drivers seat everytime we get into a car. It is normal for children to be curious about different things and the best way I would handle that is to explain to her that everyone is different and to not treat them differently.

Re: I agree.

[conuly]

By Jenn you don't mean Jenn, right?

Re: I agree.

[keladrian.livejournal.com]

I meant Jennifer, the one who commented and if that is your sister then see was correct in my eyes and tell her hi from me. By the way I am in Afghanistan. JFYI.

Re: I agree.

[peebs1701.livejournal.com]

You mean me? Nope, I'm not her sister. :)

Re: I agree.

[keladrian.livejournal.com]

Sorry about that. But you are still correct in your opinion in my eyes.

Re: I agree.

[peebs1701.livejournal.com]

No need to apologize. Jennifer is a very common name.

And thank you.

[leora.livejournal.com]

I would take the approach that it's impolite to stare at anyone, since it is. And not focus on why she might want to stare at some people.

[conuly]

I would take the approach that it's impolite to stare at anyone, since it is.

That's what I've been telling her! And no pointing, either. Except she usually only stares or points at people who are different (and therefore interesting). It's a completely inoffensive thing now, but.

[neurotica0.livejournal.com]

The problem with the "no staring" rule is that it gets overlearned, and children (and adults) become afraid to even look at someone who is different, because they don't know how to draw the line between staring and not staring. I've heard lots of people talk about how hurtful it is that when they walk into a room, suddenly dozens of people avert their eyes.

[conuly]

Yeah, that's just as bad. Oh dear.

[peebs1701.livejournal.com]

< pedant >If worse comes to worst.< /pedant >

I can understand Ana being fascinated with that. Hell, I'm fascinated with that and was also amazed that the driver left his seat. What can I say, I grew up in a city with worthless public transit and am only now using it on a semi-regular basis. Possibly you worry too much. I think the key is emphasizing that they are different, but that's ok.

I agree.

[keladrian.livejournal.com]

If you don't mind me saying this but I agree with Jenn. I was trying to get Seth from saying cab to every car he saw, and he now has a habit of getting into the drivers seat everytime we get into a car. It is normal for children to be curious about different things and the best way I would handle that is to explain to her that everyone is different and to not treat them differently.

Re: I agree.

[conuly]

By Jenn you don't mean Jenn, right?

Re: I agree.

[keladrian.livejournal.com]

I meant Jennifer, the one who commented and if that is your sister then see was correct in my eyes and tell her hi from me. By the way I am in Afghanistan. JFYI.

Re: I agree.

[peebs1701.livejournal.com]

You mean me? Nope, I'm not her sister. :)

Re: I agree.

[keladrian.livejournal.com]

Sorry about that. But you are still correct in your opinion in my eyes.

Re: I agree.

[peebs1701.livejournal.com]

No need to apologize. Jennifer is a very common name.

And thank you.

[leora.livejournal.com]

I would take the approach that it's impolite to stare at anyone, since it is. And not focus on why she might want to stare at some people.

[conuly]

I would take the approach that it's impolite to stare at anyone, since it is.

That's what I've been telling her! And no pointing, either. Except she usually only stares or points at people who are different (and therefore interesting). It's a completely inoffensive thing now, but.

[neurotica0.livejournal.com]

The problem with the "no staring" rule is that it gets overlearned, and children (and adults) become afraid to even look at someone who is different, because they don't know how to draw the line between staring and not staring. I've heard lots of people talk about how hurtful it is that when they walk into a room, suddenly dozens of people avert their eyes.

[conuly]

Yeah, that's just as bad. Oh dear.