Here it is again! What I *want* to say is so different from what I think I *should* say

[conuly]

Somebody posts that they're depressed (well, they don't say that, but that's the conclusion other people came to, so let's run with that), and, on top of it, they feel really guilty for questioning God and they think they're losing their faith and maybe all this bad stuff and depression is a punishment, so they feel even worse....

Now, I do believe that the guilt is the first thing, and the fact that it's tied to religion is the second. But the advice I really *want* to give is that if your religious beliefs are making you feel bad instead of good, you ought to ditch them instead of trying to hang on to them! (Especially if talking about your crisis of faith with your religious leaders nets you a lecture on Satan. Ye Gods, that's totally helpful. Uh-huh.)

Except I'm thinking that won't go over well.

It's good advice, but what's the point when I already have a good idea that it won't be heard and may only make her more upset than she is right now?

Is this how other people live their lives? Thinking before they speak instead of after? It's preventing me from saying a lot of stuff I want to say, but it might be better...? I don't know. I just don't know.

I need to wait a few weeks, try this out, see how it goes.

Comments

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

This is all assuming this person's faith is based on finding a personal meaning that works best for them, not on believing that there is a truth out there that we are subjected to whether we like it or not.

[pne.livejournal.com]

Well said.

[conuly]

Yes, I know. That's one reason I didn't say it. (Although I do think, even in that perspective, that a religious leader who tells you your depression is because you're being punished isn't exactly doing his job.)

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

I do agree with you here. In this case I'd mostly recommend going to a new church.

[conuly]

Well, what I said is that my advice might not be very helpful to her, since I'm not religious, but if she wanted it anyway, I'd give it to her. She doesn't seem to, and that's her business.

But if she had, I would have suggested looking into different churches in her religious tradition (with competent preachers who are able to actually give counsel), and also reading books from various faiths and non-faiths - either it'll help her rekindle her own faith, or it'll help her make a clean break (and find a new faith she thinks is the right way, or lose her religion altogether), but I don't think it makes much sense to spend your religious crisis only reading up on what you already believe (or want to).

People do that sort of thing in stressful times - they find religion, they change religion, they lose religion, they renew their previously-existing beliefs. And once they're done with it, I'm thinking that whichever path they ended up on, they're probably happier for it, but dawdling in the stage of "I feel so guilty for not believing as much as I think I should" probably doesn't help anything. (Though I can't imagine how she'd rush through that, I'm perfectly willing to say it's a bad stage to be in.)

Like I said, I think it's good advice. But she doesn't seem to want it, so I'll leave it be. (Even if not that deep down I really don't want to, I think it's better that way, right? Less overbearing.)

[conuly]

Which is why I didn't give her my advice. If she does lose her faith, I hope it happens quickly so she doesn't feel so guilty guilty about it, and if she doesn't lose her faith, I hope *that* happens quickly so she can stop having that extra guilt.

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

This is all assuming this person's faith is based on finding a personal meaning that works best for them, not on believing that there is a truth out there that we are subjected to whether we like it or not.

[pne.livejournal.com]

Well said.

[conuly]

Yes, I know. That's one reason I didn't say it. (Although I do think, even in that perspective, that a religious leader who tells you your depression is because you're being punished isn't exactly doing his job.)

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

I do agree with you here. In this case I'd mostly recommend going to a new church.

[conuly]

Well, what I said is that my advice might not be very helpful to her, since I'm not religious, but if she wanted it anyway, I'd give it to her. She doesn't seem to, and that's her business.

But if she had, I would have suggested looking into different churches in her religious tradition (with competent preachers who are able to actually give counsel), and also reading books from various faiths and non-faiths - either it'll help her rekindle her own faith, or it'll help her make a clean break (and find a new faith she thinks is the right way, or lose her religion altogether), but I don't think it makes much sense to spend your religious crisis only reading up on what you already believe (or want to).

People do that sort of thing in stressful times - they find religion, they change religion, they lose religion, they renew their previously-existing beliefs. And once they're done with it, I'm thinking that whichever path they ended up on, they're probably happier for it, but dawdling in the stage of "I feel so guilty for not believing as much as I think I should" probably doesn't help anything. (Though I can't imagine how she'd rush through that, I'm perfectly willing to say it's a bad stage to be in.)

Like I said, I think it's good advice. But she doesn't seem to want it, so I'll leave it be. (Even if not that deep down I really don't want to, I think it's better that way, right? Less overbearing.)

[conuly]

Which is why I didn't give her my advice. If she does lose her faith, I hope it happens quickly so she doesn't feel so guilty guilty about it, and if she doesn't lose her faith, I hope *that* happens quickly so she can stop having that extra guilt.