Because I'm bored....

[conuly]

Morgan Spurlock's Speech. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read this first. Taken from no_pity.

A Letter of Explanation

To the Students, Teachers, Parents, Administrators of Hatboro Horsham High School, the Hatboro Horsham Education Foundation, and anyone else who has now heard of the events of last Friday in Pennsylvania,

Throughout the year, I travel to various colleges and high schools to talk about my experiences in making Super SIze Me, the impact it has had on me and the community, and what kids can do to make a difference in their own lives. That was my goal when I went to speak to the students of Hatboro Horsham High School.

Notice how he cleverly starts off talking about how wonderful he happens to be. Because, of course, it's all about him.

As I told both the principal and superintendent of schools after my lecture, it is never my intent to insult or demean anyone – and I understand how some of my remarks may have offended some in attendance and if you feel they did, then I am deeply sorry.

This is not an apology. I'd call this weaseling out of accepting responsibility for his actions, but I've always found weasels to be much maligned animals.

He told the principal, he told the superintendent, he should be able to go about his life without ever considering the consequences of his actions, right? Because he didn't mean to insult anybody, and he's sorry if anybody feels as though they were offended.

He's not sorry. People who are sorry don't take this long to dance around the subject of how sorry they are.

When I speak at schools, I try to express my views on difficult topics with humor and a joking mannerism.

Ah. So using slurs is "humor" and a "joking mannerism". It's all a misunderstanding, of course. We're wrong, he's right.

I try to connect with students by conveying my thoughts in an accessible form, using the same speech and tone that they or I would use in any other lively conversation. One student even said to me, “you didn’t say anything that we aren’t going to hear later on TV,” and that was my sole intent.

Now he managed to insult *all* the students, by implying that if he'd spoken differently, it wouldn't've been an "accessible form", and that they would not have understood him.

I do, however, believe it is very important for me to address many of the points made in the media.

This part gets funny.

First and most importantly, it should be made clear that the only person I called “retarded” was myself when I was unable to hear a question from the audience.

Yes, and that makes it all right, doesn't it? You weren't insulting somebody else, you were just using a term that refers to them to insult yourself! (Fun fact - not being able to hear makes one deaf or hard of hearing, not retarded. And deaf isn't even considered a slur!)

Having done work with special needs children in the past, something this hurtful would never come from my lips.

But it did, Morgan, it did. Unless you'll now claim it was a ventriloquist.

I did make an aside about kids sleeping in the back wearing helmets, which was done with no malicious intent (I was playing it as a slacker reference to the Jon Heder character in the upcoming film “Benchwarmers,” a reference which was lost and, as I was later told, there were no actual students wearing helmets in the back).

Let's take this one point by point. It's really a very interesting section.

1. It doesn't matter what your intent was. That's the reality of the world we live in. When you offend somebody, you apologise. A proper apology, thank you. If you're constantly offending people, you either reconsider how you speak and act, or you stop being around the people you offend. In this case, I'd go with the former.

2. Well, sweetie, most people *wouldn't* get a reference to a movie they haven't yet been able to see. Because it's not out in theaters yet. Indeed, I strongly suspect that this is what I like to call a lie. Could be wrong, of course.

3. Oh, and because nobody was wearing a helmet, that makes it all right? When I refer to the towelheaded ay-rabs, that should be ignored because none of the Arabs I know actually wear towels (except possibly right after stepping out of a shower)?

Honestly, the whole paragraph is an exercise in rationalization. He's quite good at it.

I have also been portrayed as someone who spewed profanity for a full hour. To set the record straight, I said only five “dirty” words during the entire speech.

Yes, and that makes all the difference, I'm sure. I don't really care about the profanity, of course, I just have to keep my hand in.

The Superintendent said to me backstage that the only words he had problems with were the “F-Bombs,” (of which there were only two) so perhaps I should have toned down even those two uses, but as another student told me, it’s nothing they hadn’t heard before.

Not the point, really. People *will* insist on such things as moderately polite language inside schools. Yes, even high schools.

It has also been said that I insulted faculty, when in actuality, all I was doing was making a joke at their expense for the enjoyment of the students.

Oh my god. The man can *not* be serious.

While the main floor of the auditorium was full, 7 or 8 teachers sat up in the balcony. During the Q&A after my talk, I asked them if they had any questions for me. They shook their heads no and I said to the kids, “You see, while you guys sit down here and watch, the teachers sit up in the balcony and smoke pot.”

And that's not insulting the faculty. (Okay, it's not much to get seriously offended over, but that's not the point. A minor insult is still an insult)

The students roared with laughter, and once again, that was all I wanted to do: entertain the kids.

Not, say, educate anybody? In this educational establishment?

Lastly, in the article it quoted me as saying that the greatest lesson those kids learned was the importance of freedom of speech. When saying that, I did not mean that you have the right to insult anyone at will (as many people have interpreted it.)

Of course, we do have that right in the US. Doesn't mean it's always wise to exercise that right, or polite, but we can do that if we want.

I was referring to the fact that the group that hired me to speak asked that I not mention McDonald’s in any of my talk because one of their board members owns a franchise. That would be like asking Neil Armstrong to speak but tell him he can’t bring up walking on the moon, so needless to say, I didn’t agree to their censorship.

Fair enough.

Please know that any comment I made in my speech was done in a comical tone without an ounce of vindictive purpose.

By which we should take it that casual joking at the expense of others is acceptable, yes?

While it may be too late for apologies for many in the community, I hope this in some small way can start to make amends with the rest of you.

Well, you can start by making an actual apology anyway, and then maybe promise to start thinking before you through out slurs against people? I haven't seen any of this anywhere. How does this letter make any sort of amends? If you want to do it the quick way, you could even just donate a bunch of money to some appropriate cause, and never worry about it again. Do *something*.

As an individual who fights daily for us all to find some common ground in this world, I am hopeful that the work I do can continue to generate a positive dialogue, inspire action and make this world a better place.

Well, he's damn close to inspiring some action from me. And I'll bet a *lot* of people have used this story to generate positive dialogue....

Sincerely,

Morgan Spurlock

Sincere. Hah.