Somebody tried telling me today that it's getting "harder and harder to trust people these days"

[conuly]

You know what? I don't believe that.

Oh, I believe that she's having more and more trouble trusting people, but I don't believe that people are less trustworthy now than they've ever been.

That statement sounds suspiciously akin to "children today are far worse behaved than in my youth" and "the end is near" and "there's nothing new under the sun", statements which have been made since the discovery of fire. I'd say that they seem to be said more often these days, but then I'd have to smack myself. It's just that I notice them more because I'm not a child.

When I was a child, I was more trusting than I am today. I was naive, and even when people didn't act in a trustworthy manner, I often didn't notice, or chalked it up to one-time events. Now I'm, of course, a born cynic - but I don't believe the world has changed. I think I've changed, is all.

It seems to me that if people really *were* less trustworthy now than previously, the few trustworthy people left would have a harder and harder time finding each other to complain about the state of the world. But instead, people gather in large groups to do just that! Think about it. You probably consider yourself a reasonably trustworthy person. Not perfect, but not a villian, either. So clearly, you're not one of those people who Just Can't Be Trusted.

And you probably consider most of your family to be reasonably trustworthy (barring evidence to the contrary, which would have started far before the current times, I'm guessing), and your friends. After all, you know them. Oh, so that's it, right? You can trust only people you know?

Well, maybe. But let's say some stranger needed a small, tiny, harmless favor from you - he wanted you to watch his dog, say, while he ran inside a store to get medicine. Dog's a nice critter, you're not allergic, you say yes. Of course, this takes some time from your day. You don't know this guy. Would you betray his trust and wander off, or loose the dog? Probably not. So other people *can* trust you, even if they don't know you. At the very least, I bet you like to think so, right?

And you probably think the same of your family (barring evidence to the contrary) and friends, too, right? If only the people they knew trusted them, they wouldn't really be trustworthy, would they?

But your family and friends have more family and friends than you do. And they probably trust these people you don't know, just as you trust your own group. And on and on it goes.

In reality, everybody is convinced that they can only trust people they know, while at the same time being convinced that other people can trust them.

Which makes me think that most people probably can be trusted after all. At least for little acts of decency, and for things like not going out and randomly murdering people. The problem is just knowing those few people who can't be trusted, and those who *really* can't be trusted.

Of course, I have no way to sort out those few bad apples (and I don't think there's proportionately that much more of them now than at any other time in human history) from the good. The safe thing to do probably would be to not trust any of them.

But I just refuse to do that. I absolutely refuse to go around acting as though everybody I meet is probably scum (or, at least, people from certain restricted classes who, for reasons outside their control, Just Can't Be Trusted. Catch the hidden message in this rant, why don't you). It's not right, and it's not fair, and it really pisses me off when people act like that anyway. Caution is okay, in a fair measure. Paranoia generally isn't.

Furthermore, I refuse to justify other people's stupid beliefs. Whether or not anybody trusts me, or cares, I am going to resolve, from now, to conscientiously act in a reasonably trustworthy and upstanding manner. This will not, of course, change anybody's opinion, even if I managed to get a lot of people to do that.

But I absolutely cannot stand people making dire statements like this and expecting the world to conform. I hate it.

(Plus, it really really *really* irritates me when those same "can't trust anybody" people then go ahead and act in stupidly foolhardy ways. Do they think they can't trust anybody, or that the world is populated full of saints? I just can't tell sometimes!)

Comments

[lithiana.livejournal.com]

but the question is, do you assume everyone can be trusted - and therefore accept that, sometimes, they might let you down; or do you start by not really trusting anyone until you've seen whether they can be trusted?

i don't start by thinking of everyone i don't know as some kind of evil Devil-person, but at the same time there are some things i couldn't trust them with without at least some guarantee.

(it depends on the exact situation, i imagine.)

[leora.livejournal.com]

Well, first, Devil's Advocate - population density seems to cause physiological differences in the brains of rats, so people may truly be different when raised in different circumstances from birth. Second, cities definitely cause psychological differences where increased anonymity and ability to find like minds creates a separating of social codes... fewer people follow the dominant one and more ones spring up. This has some great effects, like homosexuality being able to thrive in New York city long before it could almost anywhere else in the US. But it also means people can follow codes you don't like, and thus are less likely to be predictable, and thus trustworthy.

But personally, I trust people a lot more now than I did growing up. Obviously my childhood was severely messed up. But I've been learning how to trust people, and I find that most people are trustworthy if you stick to very basic human decency. People will vary a lot on whether they will read a diary they can get their hands on, but know should be private (which to me is a friendship-ending breach of trust). People will vary on when they will lie. But most people will be helpful if it doesn't cost them much effort, and can be trusted to not randomly attack or kill people.

[interactiveleaf.livejournal.com]

But most people will be helpful if it doesn't cost them much effort, and can be trusted to not randomly attack or kill people.

I think you've hit on an important point here; the question isn't really (or shouldn't be) "can people be trusted"? The answer to that is invariably a resounding Yes. The relevant question is "what can people be trusted to do"?

[conuly]

Actually, in the hidden context, it's "what can people be trusted *not* to do".

[satyrblade.livejournal.com]

People like that simply create their own realities. They feel that people are untrustworthy, therefore, they bring untrustworthy people into their orbit, if only because that's what she expects to find there.

[leora.livejournal.com]

On a side note, I find that most people who complain that many people are FOO, are FOO themselves. It's a matter of projection... or maybe assuming that other people are like you. If I see someone complain that most people can't be trusted, then I generally don't trust them.

[darkpoole.livejournal.com]

I think there's a lot of truth to this. Of course, it's just personal observation, but I've noticed the basically honest people in my acquaintance tend to be trusting of strangers, while the less honest ones think everyone (at least, everyone they don't know) is out to scam them.

Although I suspect pretty much everyone, honest or otherwise, tends to be amazed when a complete stranger returns their lost wallet with all the cash still there.

[conuly]

Although I suspect pretty much everyone, honest or otherwise, tends to be amazed when a complete stranger returns their lost wallet with all the cash still there.

I wouldn't be. Not only is that what I'd do, but that's what most people I know would do. And I've seen often enough in real life people chasing frantically after other people who've dropped large-enough sums of money to believe that most people probably would be too pricked by conscience not to return all the money.

But I wouldn't be surprised if it *didn't* happen, either.

[adina77.livejournal.com]

I use to be a trusting person up until my ex cheated on me. Boy was it a mistake to say after he asked me if I still trust him to say that I still do. Nowadays I trust very few people because of what he put me through and those who are associated with every event during that time frame. So I'm still trying to get over the trust thing.

I think you just have to be careful in who you trust and the trust has to be built. It really can't be given right away.

Seconded.

[marveen.livejournal.com]

In my childhood (oh, from seven to about thirteen), I sometimes had people that I did not know personally walk up to me and tell me they hated me and hoped I died.

Investigation generally proved these people to be friends of people I knew [who hated me and hoped I died].

But no, I don't trust strangers. I don't automatically DIStrust them, either. I have three categories, mentally, and most people are in the "Unproven" category. Once you do something to prove yourself either trustworthy or treacherous, you are moved into the appropriate category.

I'll turn my back on "Unproven" strangers, but not leave my purse there while I'm out of sight. Treacherous individuals (ones who have stolen from me, etc.) I don't even like turning my back on.

[lithiana.livejournal.com]

but the question is, do you assume everyone can be trusted - and therefore accept that, sometimes, they might let you down; or do you start by not really trusting anyone until you've seen whether they can be trusted?

i don't start by thinking of everyone i don't know as some kind of evil Devil-person, but at the same time there are some things i couldn't trust them with without at least some guarantee.

(it depends on the exact situation, i imagine.)

[leora.livejournal.com]

Well, first, Devil's Advocate - population density seems to cause physiological differences in the brains of rats, so people may truly be different when raised in different circumstances from birth. Second, cities definitely cause psychological differences where increased anonymity and ability to find like minds creates a separating of social codes... fewer people follow the dominant one and more ones spring up. This has some great effects, like homosexuality being able to thrive in New York city long before it could almost anywhere else in the US. But it also means people can follow codes you don't like, and thus are less likely to be predictable, and thus trustworthy.

But personally, I trust people a lot more now than I did growing up. Obviously my childhood was severely messed up. But I've been learning how to trust people, and I find that most people are trustworthy if you stick to very basic human decency. People will vary a lot on whether they will read a diary they can get their hands on, but know should be private (which to me is a friendship-ending breach of trust). People will vary on when they will lie. But most people will be helpful if it doesn't cost them much effort, and can be trusted to not randomly attack or kill people.

[interactiveleaf.livejournal.com]

But most people will be helpful if it doesn't cost them much effort, and can be trusted to not randomly attack or kill people.

I think you've hit on an important point here; the question isn't really (or shouldn't be) "can people be trusted"? The answer to that is invariably a resounding Yes. The relevant question is "what can people be trusted to do"?

[conuly]

Actually, in the hidden context, it's "what can people be trusted *not* to do".

[satyrblade.livejournal.com]

People like that simply create their own realities. They feel that people are untrustworthy, therefore, they bring untrustworthy people into their orbit, if only because that's what she expects to find there.

[leora.livejournal.com]

On a side note, I find that most people who complain that many people are FOO, are FOO themselves. It's a matter of projection... or maybe assuming that other people are like you. If I see someone complain that most people can't be trusted, then I generally don't trust them.

[darkpoole.livejournal.com]

I think there's a lot of truth to this. Of course, it's just personal observation, but I've noticed the basically honest people in my acquaintance tend to be trusting of strangers, while the less honest ones think everyone (at least, everyone they don't know) is out to scam them.

Although I suspect pretty much everyone, honest or otherwise, tends to be amazed when a complete stranger returns their lost wallet with all the cash still there.

[conuly]

Although I suspect pretty much everyone, honest or otherwise, tends to be amazed when a complete stranger returns their lost wallet with all the cash still there.

I wouldn't be. Not only is that what I'd do, but that's what most people I know would do. And I've seen often enough in real life people chasing frantically after other people who've dropped large-enough sums of money to believe that most people probably would be too pricked by conscience not to return all the money.

But I wouldn't be surprised if it *didn't* happen, either.

[adina77.livejournal.com]

I use to be a trusting person up until my ex cheated on me. Boy was it a mistake to say after he asked me if I still trust him to say that I still do. Nowadays I trust very few people because of what he put me through and those who are associated with every event during that time frame. So I'm still trying to get over the trust thing.

I think you just have to be careful in who you trust and the trust has to be built. It really can't be given right away.

Seconded.

[marveen.livejournal.com]

In my childhood (oh, from seven to about thirteen), I sometimes had people that I did not know personally walk up to me and tell me they hated me and hoped I died.

Investigation generally proved these people to be friends of people I knew [who hated me and hoped I died].

But no, I don't trust strangers. I don't automatically DIStrust them, either. I have three categories, mentally, and most people are in the "Unproven" category. Once you do something to prove yourself either trustworthy or treacherous, you are moved into the appropriate category.

I'll turn my back on "Unproven" strangers, but not leave my purse there while I'm out of sight. Treacherous individuals (ones who have stolen from me, etc.) I don't even like turning my back on.