conuly

I've been looking at patriotic songs. Lots of them. And the more I look, the more I have to wonder...

What idiot messed up to give us the Star Spangled Drinking Song as our anthem? I mean, is that even singable? Of course not!

Consider the possible alternatives:

Free America

Cons: Following what I'm sure is the convention of his time, he consistently rhymes America with words like sway, prey, betray, caberet.

Pros: Easy to sing, and check out some of these verses!

"Then guard your rights, Americans,
Nor stoop to lawless sway,
Oppose, oppose, oppose
For North America."

"And blast the venal sycophants
Who dare our rights betray;
Assert yourselves, yourselves
For brave America"

I don't know about you, but these are words I can really stand behind.

Plus, there's none of that flag worship thing. And it isn't entirely fixated on a war. And where it is, people at least know what war it's talking about. Our anthem was written during the War of 1812, not the Revolution.

(I took out the last repetition in each verse because, frankly, I can't hear how it fits the melody, and it's a bit unnecessary anyway.)

America the Beautiful

Cons: Manifest destiny really kinda sucked.

Pros: Well, even though it is, at least to me, very much associated with a dark and genocidal period in our history, you can't really tell that from the words, which are nice and peaceful. And you can sing it. It's really a very pretty song.

God Bless America

Cons: Talks about God a lot.

Pros: Talks about God a lot. Easy to learn. Easy to sing.

The Battle Hymn of the Republic

Cons: Very religious. And violent.

Pros: Nice stirring melody. Easy to sing. Very easy to parody, which is the mark of a truly good song.

America

Cons: Same melody as the English (British?) national anthem, which can get confusing.

Pros: Short, easy to learn, singable.

This Land is Your Land

Cons: EWW! COMMUNISTS!

Pros: My daddy was a Marxist. You think I mind a little socialism in my anthems? Plus it's singable. And peaceful.

The list, I'm sure, goes on. And still, with all the available options, we end up with... That Song I Will Not Mention Again.

Sometimes, I weep for this country. No wonder we're all going to hell, we've got a sucky anthem that nobody can sing.