And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why bullying is wrong.

[conuly]

Because it kills.

Yes, this boy committed suicide - but he was killed by the people who wouldn't let it drop, who had to bother him day after day. I shouldn't have to say this, it should be obvious, but there's always somebody who thinks I'm wrong, that if the bullied had just fit in, had conformed more, it would be different. Well, that's not true. If the victim fits in, the bullies just switch to somebody new. The only way to stop it is to make sure everybody knows that this is unacceptable.

Comments

[spitefairy.livejournal.com]

I do place a very high amount of blame on the bullies, but some of it has to go to the kid for how he dealt with it. I was bullied a lot as a kid and beat up a few times, so I can sympathize quite a bit. It's not the kids fault he was bullied by any means, but it was his fault on how he dealt with it.

That aside, I really think the problem is schools need to take these kinds of things more seriously. Bullies need harsher punishments and the people that were bullied need extra support and possibly school counseling to help them out.

[conuly]

How is he at fault for how he dealt with it? Okay, yes, suicide is always an extreme "solution", but what could he have done to stop the bullying?

[spitefairy.livejournal.com]

I doubt there is anything he could have done to stop the bullying besides try to work through the school. But it is his fault that he committed suicide. The bullies did not tie the rope around his neck, that was him.

[conuly]

No, I don't think it's his fault that he committed suicide. Suicide is the result of serious depression. By the time you get that far, you're not being rational - and can't be considered responsible for your actions in that respect. The reason he was so depressed was the bullying.

[cumaeansibyl.livejournal.com]

can't be considered responsible for your actions in that respect

With all due respect, I'm going to have to disagree. If I went out tomorrow and shot someone in the face, I couldn't blame it on the depression -- it'd still be my fault. Some mental illnesses erase your ability to discriminate between right and wrong, but depression isn't one of them. I am fully responsible for myself and my actions at all times no matter how depressed I happen to be.

I was bullied, too. I got called every name in the book -- homophobic, gynophobic, whatever. I was sexually harassed and assaulted (in a minor fashion) throughout much of middle school. When I was in third grade, some girls ganged up on me and stoned me, for Christ's sake. And I have absolutely no sympathy for this kid. None. He forfeited his right to sympathy when he ensured that his father would have to cut his own son down from the tree. Nothing he could have been through excuses such blatant, selfish cruelty toward the people who loved him.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but as someone who has stared long and hard at suicide many times and come away alive, I have very little patience for people who claim that a) I'm helpless to stop it or b) it's someone else's fault. Obviously the first is false, since I'm still here; as for the second, I know damn well whose fault it'd be if I killed myself, which is why I haven't.

[conuly]

I never said "helpless". However, the fact that people contemplate suicide at all shows some seriously impaired judgment, and I'm not going to blame them for their bad judgment.

[spitefairy.livejournal.com]

Thought about it more and wanted to expand on what I was talking about earlier.

From grade 6-12 I was harassed about being gay, and was beaten up several times because of it. I did consider suicide, and I do think that it's every persons right to decide if they want to live or die.

However, I also think that if this kid had decided to live past high school he could have in turn helped other kids by being an advocate. I take back what I said earlier, I think ultimately it's the school's fault for being so shitty in how they handle these things (or don't, as the case may be). While his death may very well help the school change, it also sends the message to other people that have been bullied that this is a very doable option for them. It kind of says that there is no hope for kids like this, rather than giving them other options. Like working with the school, getting counseling, taking self defense. Those things may never fix the problem, but they'll help people live through it.

Also, the bullies may have very real problems of their own with anti-social problems and personality behaviors. That's not to say it's excuseable, but the whole picture needs to be addressed with these things.

[conuly]

I will definitely agree that it's the school's fault as well.

This boy had taken self-defense classes but refused to use martial arts against people. And working through the school... have you *tried* that recently?

[spitefairy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I did try that about two years ago. Got a whole lot of frustration. What I also got was anger and the feeling that something needs to be done and people need to keep fighting for school reform on these issues.

Yeah, I saw that, a lot of times people won't use it, but it can help people let their anger out in class.

As for suicide and major depression, I'm well aware of how someone feels. I'm BiPolar over here with numerous suicide attempts. However I also chose to get help, it took me about 18 years, and buckets full of tears but I did it. That's the message that bullied kids need, that they can fight through it, that they can survive. Suicide is always an option, but I still say it's not a good one and that it's one you decide. He may not be rational, he may not have picked that when he wasn't feeling depressed, but ultimately he did it. He isn't stupid or bad for doing it, but it's most likely against his best interests (in the long run).

[push-the-limits.livejournal.com]

Yeah, not all kids are equipped with the coping skills to deal with that sort of thing.