The trouble with being mature and responsible

[conuly]

and refraining from telling other people what you really think is that the person you're being polite to is never in a position to appreciate your restraint. At least, not if you did it right.

Comments

[redsixwing]

Not that you get to see, anyway.

Sometimes, someone else lets them in on it.

[conuly]

Not gonna happen this time.

[thornsilver]

Sad, but true.

[conuly]

It's just not fair. Why can't they KNOW I'm being the bigger person?

[quirkytizzy]

I will often vent what I want to say to my best friend and end it with "Hail my restraint." So hear ya on that.

[conuly]

We are so much better at being grown-ups than those other people deserve.

[bladespark]

I had exactly that thought about a "I could *so* say some things in response to this but I probably shouldn't* post I saw today...

[conuly]

It's a burden.

[spikethemuffin]

Oh, come on. You can tell us! Dish, please!

[conuly]

LOTS of times, where I've backed down in order to prevent drama, but in this case it's a casual friend texting me asking for HS help because she doesn't want to vaccinate her kids.

I directed her to the resources and didn't say that I support that law against non-medical exemptions. She has four kids, the oldest two are Eva's age, she's not changing her mind now. (More gravely, I don't think she's nearly well-educated enough to do this at the high school level, which is all the more reason to push her towards local co-ops.)

[spikethemuffin]

You're a better person than I. I mean that literally and unironically; I quit Facebook in large part because the most vocal friend on my feed was an anti-vaccine activist and I got SO tired of spending a ridiculous amount of time and spoons in constructive dialogue with her... and I realized just this week (four years later) that I should probably unfriend her on other platforms and tell her why... but I just. can't.

[conuly]

There's a reason we're not close friends.

[zesty_pinto]

Not to mention the person usually will not learn anything from it unless they really get the subtext. I feel like that politeness is why being an edgy conservative is "so cool".

[elf]

I needed to hear this right now.

I am currently refraining from a 500-word takedown of a post on "debunking myths about witchcraft" which goes into great detail about how rules are stupid and nobody needs structure and everyone's unique so spiritual skills cannot be taught and so on.

[conuly]

This time wasn't that impressive - a minor friend asked for help homeschooling because she doesn't want to vaccinate her kids, and I bit my tongue and didn't say I support the law revoking non-medical exemptions. (I also didn't say I don't think she's nearly well-educated enough to do this well. All the more reason to direct her to good resources.)

[adafrog]

Amen!

[silveradept]

Indeed. By not doing the thing you could have, you drive home the point how much better you are, and yet it never seems to work that they understand how outclassed they were and just slink off.