Ana has a real gift with communication.
Feb. 11th, 2009 07:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
She does. Evangeline is a very fluent speaker, moreso for her age than her sister, I think, but Ana communicates better, when she has a mind to. And she's better with conflicts than I think I've ever been, certainly when I was five!
A few weeks ago, for example, she was frustrated with her sister poking over her shoulder as she worked with her paper dolls - a toy that's largely off-limits to Evangeline because she's only three and might reasonably rip them (and anyway, they're Ana's). Instead of doing what I expected from her (and from any five year old, really), which is some combination of whining, screaming, tattling, and pushing, she did something innovative and very effective:
Evangeline: *shoveshovegrab*
Ana: *moving away slightly and turning her body*
Evangeline: ANA! YOU'RE BEING MEAN TO ME!
Ana: I'm sorry, but you can't just do that, I don't want to play with you when you do.
Evangeline: YOU'RE BEING MEAN TO ME!!!
Ana: *workworkwork*
Evangeline: You're being mean to me!
Ana: *workworkityworkwork*
Evangeline: You're being mean.
Ana: *workworkwork*
Evangeline: Can I see that? It's pretty.
Ana: Sure! Here, why don't you help me? You can't do *this*, but you can do *that*.
Evangeline: Okay.
Me: Uh....
I listened to it, and I've thought it over, and for the life of me I can't figure out why it worked. Some of it is Evangeline's more-or-less easygoing personality, but... I don't get it. And yet, it did work, and very well.
Yesterday, she was being chased at the playground by another girl, and she came up to me to tattle and get... I don't know, a hug? Advice? Me yelling at this child? Apparently the girl was chasing her and saying "mean things", but what mean things, I don't know. So we cycled through the options of "Don't chase me" and "I'll tell your mom" and "I don't like that", and finally I grit my teeth and suggested that if all else failed, she could pull a line like "I don't want to chase. That's silly" combined with turning her back on the girl and standing absolutely still. (They can't chase you if you're not running.)
As she was talking to me, the little girl came up, and, in fact - before I gave her that last bit of advice - Ana was already using it. The girl opened her mouth, and Ana turned around and didn't look at her. I *know* I didn't grasp that sort of body language subtlety at her age. There's no way. How does she know these things?
At any rate, some time later the girl came up to her again, and Ana turned to walk away without so much as deigning to reply to her, but the girl said "Wait" and started a civil conversation, something about if Ana could go down the bar slide or not. I was trying desperately to eavesdrop, but I just couldn't get a good spot, and when I did, Evangeline called for me. Grrr.
(Incidentally, I'm very firm with Ana that she mustn't tell lies unless she can tell good lies, which is apparently the same line my father gave me. "You always say that!" she says, and she's right, I *do* always say that. Why? Because it's damn good advice, that's why. If I say I bought something, and Ana says no, Daddy did and he plans to use it for dinner, I know one of us has to be lying and for sure it isn't me. The problem is that she *is* good at lying, she's very convincing. Fortunately, her lies are so a. predictable and b. over-the-top that she's still easily caught in them. She's bound to smarten up sooner or later, though.)
A few weeks ago, for example, she was frustrated with her sister poking over her shoulder as she worked with her paper dolls - a toy that's largely off-limits to Evangeline because she's only three and might reasonably rip them (and anyway, they're Ana's). Instead of doing what I expected from her (and from any five year old, really), which is some combination of whining, screaming, tattling, and pushing, she did something innovative and very effective:
Evangeline: *shoveshovegrab*
Ana: *moving away slightly and turning her body*
Evangeline: ANA! YOU'RE BEING MEAN TO ME!
Ana: I'm sorry, but you can't just do that, I don't want to play with you when you do.
Evangeline: YOU'RE BEING MEAN TO ME!!!
Ana: *workworkwork*
Evangeline: You're being mean to me!
Ana: *workworkityworkwork*
Evangeline: You're being mean.
Ana: *workworkwork*
Evangeline: Can I see that? It's pretty.
Ana: Sure! Here, why don't you help me? You can't do *this*, but you can do *that*.
Evangeline: Okay.
Me: Uh....
I listened to it, and I've thought it over, and for the life of me I can't figure out why it worked. Some of it is Evangeline's more-or-less easygoing personality, but... I don't get it. And yet, it did work, and very well.
Yesterday, she was being chased at the playground by another girl, and she came up to me to tattle and get... I don't know, a hug? Advice? Me yelling at this child? Apparently the girl was chasing her and saying "mean things", but what mean things, I don't know. So we cycled through the options of "Don't chase me" and "I'll tell your mom" and "I don't like that", and finally I grit my teeth and suggested that if all else failed, she could pull a line like "I don't want to chase. That's silly" combined with turning her back on the girl and standing absolutely still. (They can't chase you if you're not running.)
As she was talking to me, the little girl came up, and, in fact - before I gave her that last bit of advice - Ana was already using it. The girl opened her mouth, and Ana turned around and didn't look at her. I *know* I didn't grasp that sort of body language subtlety at her age. There's no way. How does she know these things?
At any rate, some time later the girl came up to her again, and Ana turned to walk away without so much as deigning to reply to her, but the girl said "Wait" and started a civil conversation, something about if Ana could go down the bar slide or not. I was trying desperately to eavesdrop, but I just couldn't get a good spot, and when I did, Evangeline called for me. Grrr.
(Incidentally, I'm very firm with Ana that she mustn't tell lies unless she can tell good lies, which is apparently the same line my father gave me. "You always say that!" she says, and she's right, I *do* always say that. Why? Because it's damn good advice, that's why. If I say I bought something, and Ana says no, Daddy did and he plans to use it for dinner, I know one of us has to be lying and for sure it isn't me. The problem is that she *is* good at lying, she's very convincing. Fortunately, her lies are so a. predictable and b. over-the-top that she's still easily caught in them. She's bound to smarten up sooner or later, though.)
