A general explanation...
Feb. 10th, 2004 07:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyWhen I say "I'm mad at someone" that doesn't necessarily mean I hate their guts. Yes, even when I say they can rot in hell, it's being mad at them and not taking the time to edit my post later. Of course, when I make the post public, that's a mistake. My apologies.
I'm going to explain my view RATIONALLY this time. Then I'll hush on it.
I actually have had good conversations with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
auryanne. That's actually why it pissed me off so much that on NC, she said things that sounded to me like "You never like anything on neopets, all you do is complain, if you hate the site so much you should leave", because it didn't, and doesn't make sense to me that somebody I can respect at times can also say what seem to me to be blatantly inaccurate things... The threads on neocolours are, some of them, very enthusiastic about certain colors. Even the striped lupe got a few cheers (okay, nobody went crazy over it, but that's because it's a striped pet. We'd just as easily go crazy over red) Most people on that forum obviously do NOT hate neopets, and will in fact was rhasphodic about aspects of the site they love. Is it any less of a critical board? No, of course not. Doesn't mean we don't like the site, though, it means we think too much about it.
I know the forums on NC are slow, but it did irritate me that she seemed to respond only to criticisms, not to compliments or to the posts where people, responding to her, mentioned that it isn't ALL criticism. Yes, criticisms are easier to remember. No, that doesn't mean it's all criticism.
I think the tipping point for me was the royal paintbrush. Several people had said that they liked the way it was drawn, but not the anthroness, and instead of accepting that as "I'd like it if this were a style I liked", draco's comments seemed to me that she'd read "I can't stand it at all, and I could do a million times better". I can understand being pissed at other people and ranting, I just did that myself, but I respond to corrections, or try to, and people had been telling her "we do like some colors!". Of course, to be fair, I know NC is slow. That doesn't matter in rants, only in counter-rants.
There's a difference, of course, between a rant and a well-reasoned complaint about a person's behaviour. I felt, when I wrote that rant, that I'd already commented on the behaviour to no response, good or bad. That's why I ranted. Honestly, it still confuses me how I can have two differing images of the same person, one as a reasonable person who can get into a healthy argument and forgive people who upset her, and the other as a person who gets upset over criticism and apparently can't see when she's not being criticized. Hopefully I can now honestly see the former and not the latter. If that weren't the case, I wouldn't be explaining, apologising, or in any way responding to my rantling.
I honestly did not mean to upset anyone. I had been venting to people who shared my opinion (preaching to the converted, really) and had only unlocked the post because I thought the person in question would never read it... why should she? We'd been back to arguing on NC for the past month! The idea that we might mend fences again never occured to me at all, and I'm sorry about that. We all feel like ranting at times, that doesn't mean we should let the rants get out of hand and wander to the person in question.
Now, to be even more fair, there's reasons people think NC is so critical. I suspect the big one is that it's easier to remember criticisms than compliments. However, if we're complaining about something that's not your fault, and you think we think it is, we won't quit because people get mad. Better to just say "look, this is what actually happened". Or if you just disagree, point out why. It definitely doesn't help to comment on the complaints so much that people only see you doing that just like you only see them complaining. This leads to me ranting in my journal, and that's just not a pretty picture.
I'm going to explain my view RATIONALLY this time. Then I'll hush on it.
I actually have had good conversations with
auryanne. That's actually why it pissed me off so much that on NC, she said things that sounded to me like "You never like anything on neopets, all you do is complain, if you hate the site so much you should leave", because it didn't, and doesn't make sense to me that somebody I can respect at times can also say what seem to me to be blatantly inaccurate things... The threads on neocolours are, some of them, very enthusiastic about certain colors. Even the striped lupe got a few cheers (okay, nobody went crazy over it, but that's because it's a striped pet. We'd just as easily go crazy over red) Most people on that forum obviously do NOT hate neopets, and will in fact was rhasphodic about aspects of the site they love. Is it any less of a critical board? No, of course not. Doesn't mean we don't like the site, though, it means we think too much about it.I know the forums on NC are slow, but it did irritate me that she seemed to respond only to criticisms, not to compliments or to the posts where people, responding to her, mentioned that it isn't ALL criticism. Yes, criticisms are easier to remember. No, that doesn't mean it's all criticism.
I think the tipping point for me was the royal paintbrush. Several people had said that they liked the way it was drawn, but not the anthroness, and instead of accepting that as "I'd like it if this were a style I liked", draco's comments seemed to me that she'd read "I can't stand it at all, and I could do a million times better". I can understand being pissed at other people and ranting, I just did that myself, but I respond to corrections, or try to, and people had been telling her "we do like some colors!". Of course, to be fair, I know NC is slow. That doesn't matter in rants, only in counter-rants.
There's a difference, of course, between a rant and a well-reasoned complaint about a person's behaviour. I felt, when I wrote that rant, that I'd already commented on the behaviour to no response, good or bad. That's why I ranted. Honestly, it still confuses me how I can have two differing images of the same person, one as a reasonable person who can get into a healthy argument and forgive people who upset her, and the other as a person who gets upset over criticism and apparently can't see when she's not being criticized. Hopefully I can now honestly see the former and not the latter. If that weren't the case, I wouldn't be explaining, apologising, or in any way responding to my rantling.
I honestly did not mean to upset anyone. I had been venting to people who shared my opinion (preaching to the converted, really) and had only unlocked the post because I thought the person in question would never read it... why should she? We'd been back to arguing on NC for the past month! The idea that we might mend fences again never occured to me at all, and I'm sorry about that. We all feel like ranting at times, that doesn't mean we should let the rants get out of hand and wander to the person in question.
Now, to be even more fair, there's reasons people think NC is so critical. I suspect the big one is that it's easier to remember criticisms than compliments. However, if we're complaining about something that's not your fault, and you think we think it is, we won't quit because people get mad. Better to just say "look, this is what actually happened". Or if you just disagree, point out why. It definitely doesn't help to comment on the complaints so much that people only see you doing that just like you only see them complaining. This leads to me ranting in my journal, and that's just not a pretty picture.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-10 06:52 pm (UTC)Yeah. Especially as that's WHY people are so critical of pet colors, because the pbs are so friggin' expensive. Is that your fault? Of course not. But people want every pet to be stunning BECAUSE the pbs cost so much. Just remember: For most of the colors, half the reason somebody doesn't like it is "it's a good color, but not at that price". Yeah, you don't feel better, but at least you know that nobody is blaming you.
As for valid criticism and such... well, you can either not go there (simple solution), ignore it (less simple solution) or start asking "Is there anything you did like? I know you don't like the clothes, but it's more than that!" and also trying to note the non-negative comments. Those are easier to remember, but it puts us all in a bad mood when we can't remember the good things.
I'd say more, but I'm starving, must buy dinner.
Djusk' a!