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conuly
It was also Good Friday, but she works at a Jewish not-for-profit, and isn't, last I heard, a believer... so it's Passover she got off for.
Abdul had the day off too, and if I'd known that, I likely wouldn't've gone to the Children's Museum with her, but would have taken the day off. Oh well, I needed to get paid.
So we went to the museum, and then to Manhattan to see my mom. Once we got into Manhattan, 'dul decided he wanted to do something else, so it was just me, Jenn, and the niecelings going on the train.
Once on the train, Ana turns to me and comments, quietly...
Ana: Daddy is mean. He mean outside.
Me: He was? When?
Ana: Outside. He make me sad.
Me: Oh, sweetie...
Ana: Yeah. He make me cry (starts sniffling), and I miss Daddy!
Me: Oh, honey. *hugs and pulls on lap* You know everyone else is here, and we're going to go see Nanen....
Ana: But I want Daddy. I crying, and I sad, Connie.
Me: (the following is a flat-out lie) Well, you know, he didn't *want* to leave, he *had* to (this is what we say when so-and-so had to go to work). He wanted to be here with you.
Ana: But I miss him.
Me: I know. But you'll see him again. He didn't want to make you sad.
Ana: Okay. *sniffles* I feel better now.
And then when she did see her dad again, the first thing she said is (not happily) "Daddy, you don't go bye-bye without me, 'k?"
On the one hand, it's one of our very few Real Conversations Ever. On the other hand... that was really sad. And it's made worse by the fact that "Don't go bye-bye without me, okay?" is what she said to me after I'd spent the boat ride sitting on a different deck than them (this was an accident, but I was loathe to move after settling down). I feel guilty now. Just a little.
Abdul had the day off too, and if I'd known that, I likely wouldn't've gone to the Children's Museum with her, but would have taken the day off. Oh well, I needed to get paid.
So we went to the museum, and then to Manhattan to see my mom. Once we got into Manhattan, 'dul decided he wanted to do something else, so it was just me, Jenn, and the niecelings going on the train.
Once on the train, Ana turns to me and comments, quietly...
Ana: Daddy is mean. He mean outside.
Me: He was? When?
Ana: Outside. He make me sad.
Me: Oh, sweetie...
Ana: Yeah. He make me cry (starts sniffling), and I miss Daddy!
Me: Oh, honey. *hugs and pulls on lap* You know everyone else is here, and we're going to go see Nanen....
Ana: But I want Daddy. I crying, and I sad, Connie.
Me: (the following is a flat-out lie) Well, you know, he didn't *want* to leave, he *had* to (this is what we say when so-and-so had to go to work). He wanted to be here with you.
Ana: But I miss him.
Me: I know. But you'll see him again. He didn't want to make you sad.
Ana: Okay. *sniffles* I feel better now.
And then when she did see her dad again, the first thing she said is (not happily) "Daddy, you don't go bye-bye without me, 'k?"
On the one hand, it's one of our very few Real Conversations Ever. On the other hand... that was really sad. And it's made worse by the fact that "Don't go bye-bye without me, okay?" is what she said to me after I'd spent the boat ride sitting on a different deck than them (this was an accident, but I was loathe to move after settling down). I feel guilty now. Just a little.
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 12:29 am (UTC)I get, "I don't want to go to school. I want to go to your work!"
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 12:46 am (UTC)Maybe nine months ago now, I'd been playing with Ana before her mom left, and I teased her "Now, you're going to go to work, and Mommy and I will go play with the other children" (our stock phrase).
Oh boy. Ana was *not* happy. She didn't get that it was a joke yet, so she spent a long time protesting "NO! Mommy, you go work. I go play with other children".
And, indeed, well after her mom had left, she'd keep coming up to me and going "Connie? I pay with other children, right?" She was just *convinced* that somehow, I'd mess this one up.
(Of course, after that day she did get it as a joke.)
Every conversation is a real conversation
Date: 2006-04-17 12:39 am (UTC)Somebody had to do it.
And you exposed several real lies in the process like autistic people aren't considerate of people's feelings about emotional things like dads leaving.
And I have never privileged autistic lies in the slightest, judging them morally and legally the same. A lie is a lie regardless of the teller, and so are white lies and grey lies. Cognitive psychologists like Uta Frith do it, as do some parents. It's like as if there was a cognitive milestone.
You and Ana are wonderful together. I don't mean that as condescending praise. Ever.
Adelaide
who promises never ever to bring your autism into the discussion unless it is strictly necessary to the issue and we have agreed previously. It feels underhanded now I've done it.
Re: Every conversation is a real conversation
Date: 2006-04-17 12:43 am (UTC)And I'm sure her dad didn't want her to be upset, so it's all good. Not quite a lie except that, y'know, it is.
The intent is truthful, though the words are not.
But I do know what you mean, thank you. (At least, I think you do... that phrase is so obfusicating. What if I only think I know what you mean, but I don't?)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 12:29 am (UTC)I get, "I don't want to go to school. I want to go to your work!"
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 12:46 am (UTC)Maybe nine months ago now, I'd been playing with Ana before her mom left, and I teased her "Now, you're going to go to work, and Mommy and I will go play with the other children" (our stock phrase).
Oh boy. Ana was *not* happy. She didn't get that it was a joke yet, so she spent a long time protesting "NO! Mommy, you go work. I go play with other children".
And, indeed, well after her mom had left, she'd keep coming up to me and going "Connie? I pay with other children, right?" She was just *convinced* that somehow, I'd mess this one up.
(Of course, after that day she did get it as a joke.)
Every conversation is a real conversation
Date: 2006-04-17 12:39 am (UTC)Somebody had to do it.
And you exposed several real lies in the process like autistic people aren't considerate of people's feelings about emotional things like dads leaving.
And I have never privileged autistic lies in the slightest, judging them morally and legally the same. A lie is a lie regardless of the teller, and so are white lies and grey lies. Cognitive psychologists like Uta Frith do it, as do some parents. It's like as if there was a cognitive milestone.
You and Ana are wonderful together. I don't mean that as condescending praise. Ever.
Adelaide
who promises never ever to bring your autism into the discussion unless it is strictly necessary to the issue and we have agreed previously. It feels underhanded now I've done it.
Re: Every conversation is a real conversation
Date: 2006-04-17 12:43 am (UTC)And I'm sure her dad didn't want her to be upset, so it's all good. Not quite a lie except that, y'know, it is.
The intent is truthful, though the words are not.
But I do know what you mean, thank you. (At least, I think you do... that phrase is so obfusicating. What if I only think I know what you mean, but I don't?)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:07 am (UTC)