On Ana's hair, and other things...
Sep. 19th, 2005 09:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
I wanted to get some barrettes, the sort that go at the end of your braids to keep them in place, because scrunchies don't stay on that well at the bottom of her braids, and she pulls them off, anyway, but my mom accidentally got the other kind of barrette instead, the sort that goes in your hair proper to keep it in place. We'll make do.
I feel better about her hair, though. It still does look sloppy and barely done compared to the hair found on most black girls (their parents always just say she's very pretty, and sweet, and I'm not sure if that's because they figure I can't do much with her hair, or if it's (more likely) because one doesn't say to a kid's watcher that the kid looks messy), but most of the toddler programs we go to don't have that many black kids there. Lot of biracial kids, but mostly white kids. And their hair, inexplicably, is a mess.
I don't get it. When I was young, my mother would fight me down and brush my hair, and then braid it up. She'd make me sit while she did a part, and I got my pigtails. Or I'd wear it in one braid, or sometimes ponytails, but those had to be redone every day, and braids can last a few days. Jenn had her hair done in braids, or buns, or braids wrapped around her hair. It frizzed, sure, and wisps came out, but it looked neat and off our faces, mostly because it *was* neat and off our faces. And we had bangs, so that even if our hair was loose, the part nearest our faces was short, and couldn't hang in our eyes.
And I've seen pictures of me at four, and three, and two (looking, in all of them, older than my age). In all those pictures, my hair was generally done to some extent.
But now I'm looking at these kids, and their hair is *messy*. Oh, it's not painfully tangled, but it hangs in their faces so they have to push it back, and the most anybody ever does is a half-assed job at a ponytail, the sort that just makes a sort of fountain in the middle of their heads and looks really sloppy.
Compared to them, Ana looks positively kempt. Especially now that I've figured out that by moving her braids forward, significantly, I can deeply minimize the frizz from what will eventually be her bangs. I prefer braids that hang down the back, but to avoid the frizz, I move them so they go over her ears. Whatever. I can't even do my own hair, and I can do her hair well enough that she looks wonderful in comparison to these kids?
And it's not just the nannied kids, who might have a cultural difference from me or something, where the nanny does hair differently. It's all of them. I don't get it. Braids (or short hair) are less trouble all around. Off the face, you can move better, you can see better, and your hair doesn't tangle during the day.
*shrugs*
So, anyway, Ana really is growing up very fast. Today, she was late for her nap. This was entirely my fault. But you know, kids who are late for their naps are cranky and snappish. So as we got off the boat, she's flipping out, she doesn't want to walk and she doesn't want to be carried. Eventually, as I'm carrying her, she raises her hand and says "I HIT YOU!". She doesn't, at this point, hit me. So I start in asking if she wants me to hit her, if she likes it when people hit her, if it's all right for people to hit her. She musters out a tiny "no" at the end of this, and I tell her that if that's true, she can't hit me, because that's not nice, and doesn't she want to be nice? Of course she does (I'm not giving her a chance to say no. I recognize that this is unfair, but my goal was for distraction, not in-depth discussions of her self-perception). And then she put her hand down.
This doesn't sound like that much, but given her mental state at the time, it's a major accomplishment. She was beyond tired, she was frustrated, she wasn't that happy - but she managed enough self-control *not* to hit me after she'd had the impulse to do so. I was really happy (not least because she hadn't hit me), and I told her so. That's really a big step, nice and mature.
We most emphatically did not speak like pirates today. We did recite Jim. Twice. I don't know why she won't chime in when Jenn or 'dul or Mommy are around, but she *really does* know several parts in it.
There was a Boy whose name was Jim;
His Friends were very good to him.
They gave him Tea, and Cakes, and Jam,
And slices of delicious Ham,
And Chocolate with pink inside
And little Tricycles to ride,
And read him Stories through and through,
And even took him to the Zoo--
But there it was the dreadful Fate
Befell him, which I now relate.
You know--or at least you ought to know,
For I have often told you so--
That Children never are allowed
To leave their Nurses in a Crowd;
Now this was Jim's especial Foible,
He ran away when he was able,
And on this inauspicious day
He slipped his hand and ran away!
He hadn't gone a yard when--Bang!
With open Jaws, a lion sprang,
And hungrily began to eat
The Boy: beginning at his feet.
Now, just imagine how it feels
When first your toes and then your heels,
And then by gradual degrees,
Your shins and ankles, calves and knees,
Are slowly eaten, bit by bit.
No wonder Jim detested it!
No wonder that he shouted ``Hi!''
The Honest Keeper heard his cry,
Though very fat he almost ran
To help the little gentleman.
``Ponto!'' he ordered as he came
(For Ponto was the Lion's name),
``Ponto!'' he cried, with angry Frown,
``Let go, Sir! Down, Sir! Put it down!''
The Lion made a sudden stop,
He let the Dainty Morsel drop,
And slunk reluctant to his Cage,
Snarling with Disappointed Rage.
But when he bent him over Jim,
The Honest Keeper's Eyes were dim.
The Lion having reached his Head,
The Miserable Boy was dead!
When Nurse informed his Parents, they
Were more Concerned than I can say:--
His Mother, as She dried her eyes,
Said, ``Well--it gives me no surprise,
He would not do as he was told!''
His Father, who was self-controlled,
Bade all the children round attend
To James's miserable end,
And always keep a-hold of Nurse
For fear of finding something worse.
Y'know, I do believe that I would like some icons from the Cautionary Tales made up for me. *nods self-righteously* Jim was such a part of our childhood....
Here's the book. You should all get it. And read it. You'll love it. And please, send a copy to me. For... um... the kids. Yeah. The babies.
I feel better about her hair, though. It still does look sloppy and barely done compared to the hair found on most black girls (their parents always just say she's very pretty, and sweet, and I'm not sure if that's because they figure I can't do much with her hair, or if it's (more likely) because one doesn't say to a kid's watcher that the kid looks messy), but most of the toddler programs we go to don't have that many black kids there. Lot of biracial kids, but mostly white kids. And their hair, inexplicably, is a mess.
I don't get it. When I was young, my mother would fight me down and brush my hair, and then braid it up. She'd make me sit while she did a part, and I got my pigtails. Or I'd wear it in one braid, or sometimes ponytails, but those had to be redone every day, and braids can last a few days. Jenn had her hair done in braids, or buns, or braids wrapped around her hair. It frizzed, sure, and wisps came out, but it looked neat and off our faces, mostly because it *was* neat and off our faces. And we had bangs, so that even if our hair was loose, the part nearest our faces was short, and couldn't hang in our eyes.
And I've seen pictures of me at four, and three, and two (looking, in all of them, older than my age). In all those pictures, my hair was generally done to some extent.
But now I'm looking at these kids, and their hair is *messy*. Oh, it's not painfully tangled, but it hangs in their faces so they have to push it back, and the most anybody ever does is a half-assed job at a ponytail, the sort that just makes a sort of fountain in the middle of their heads and looks really sloppy.
Compared to them, Ana looks positively kempt. Especially now that I've figured out that by moving her braids forward, significantly, I can deeply minimize the frizz from what will eventually be her bangs. I prefer braids that hang down the back, but to avoid the frizz, I move them so they go over her ears. Whatever. I can't even do my own hair, and I can do her hair well enough that she looks wonderful in comparison to these kids?
And it's not just the nannied kids, who might have a cultural difference from me or something, where the nanny does hair differently. It's all of them. I don't get it. Braids (or short hair) are less trouble all around. Off the face, you can move better, you can see better, and your hair doesn't tangle during the day.
*shrugs*
So, anyway, Ana really is growing up very fast. Today, she was late for her nap. This was entirely my fault. But you know, kids who are late for their naps are cranky and snappish. So as we got off the boat, she's flipping out, she doesn't want to walk and she doesn't want to be carried. Eventually, as I'm carrying her, she raises her hand and says "I HIT YOU!". She doesn't, at this point, hit me. So I start in asking if she wants me to hit her, if she likes it when people hit her, if it's all right for people to hit her. She musters out a tiny "no" at the end of this, and I tell her that if that's true, she can't hit me, because that's not nice, and doesn't she want to be nice? Of course she does (I'm not giving her a chance to say no. I recognize that this is unfair, but my goal was for distraction, not in-depth discussions of her self-perception). And then she put her hand down.
This doesn't sound like that much, but given her mental state at the time, it's a major accomplishment. She was beyond tired, she was frustrated, she wasn't that happy - but she managed enough self-control *not* to hit me after she'd had the impulse to do so. I was really happy (not least because she hadn't hit me), and I told her so. That's really a big step, nice and mature.
We most emphatically did not speak like pirates today. We did recite Jim. Twice. I don't know why she won't chime in when Jenn or 'dul or Mommy are around, but she *really does* know several parts in it.
There was a Boy whose name was Jim;
His Friends were very good to him.
They gave him Tea, and Cakes, and Jam,
And slices of delicious Ham,
And Chocolate with pink inside
And little Tricycles to ride,
And read him Stories through and through,
And even took him to the Zoo--
But there it was the dreadful Fate
Befell him, which I now relate.
You know--or at least you ought to know,
For I have often told you so--
That Children never are allowed
To leave their Nurses in a Crowd;
Now this was Jim's especial Foible,
He ran away when he was able,
And on this inauspicious day
He slipped his hand and ran away!
He hadn't gone a yard when--Bang!
With open Jaws, a lion sprang,
And hungrily began to eat
The Boy: beginning at his feet.
Now, just imagine how it feels
When first your toes and then your heels,
And then by gradual degrees,
Your shins and ankles, calves and knees,
Are slowly eaten, bit by bit.
No wonder Jim detested it!
No wonder that he shouted ``Hi!''
The Honest Keeper heard his cry,
Though very fat he almost ran
To help the little gentleman.
``Ponto!'' he ordered as he came
(For Ponto was the Lion's name),
``Ponto!'' he cried, with angry Frown,
``Let go, Sir! Down, Sir! Put it down!''
The Lion made a sudden stop,
He let the Dainty Morsel drop,
And slunk reluctant to his Cage,
Snarling with Disappointed Rage.
But when he bent him over Jim,
The Honest Keeper's Eyes were dim.
The Lion having reached his Head,
The Miserable Boy was dead!
When Nurse informed his Parents, they
Were more Concerned than I can say:--
His Mother, as She dried her eyes,
Said, ``Well--it gives me no surprise,
He would not do as he was told!''
His Father, who was self-controlled,
Bade all the children round attend
To James's miserable end,
And always keep a-hold of Nurse
For fear of finding something worse.
Y'know, I do believe that I would like some icons from the Cautionary Tales made up for me. *nods self-righteously* Jim was such a part of our childhood....
Here's the book. You should all get it. And read it. You'll love it. And please, send a copy to me. For... um... the kids. Yeah. The babies.
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 02:32 am (UTC)So she wears it loose, like I do.
And the boys? I buzz all their heads. Even Dan's! :D
no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 02:41 am (UTC)And buzzed hair on boys works like a charm.
I also lack the dexterity to do braids on Ana, sadly, but not doing them just isn't an option. It's not even about looking neat, it's about her having hair that's not a complete felted mat. My hair is just like that, that's why it's short now, so it's easy to brush. If her hair isn't done up neatly, it tangles so bad it's painful for everyone to brush out.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 03:06 am (UTC)Kayleigh's hair gets matted, too -- drives me nuts! It's very thin and very fine. The ends come out if it is braided.
And ooo the arguing, it doesn't get any more pleasant when they are no longer toddlers~
no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 03:12 am (UTC)I mean, there's other things you can do to hair to make it stop acting like... well, hair. Braids of various sorts are just the simplest. Keeps them out of your face, and out of your way, and makes sure it doesn't tangle.
But if you can't do braids, I suppose the answer is to make sure the hair is brushed out often. You can see why I prefer braiding Ana's hair. Can you imagine having to sit down a two-year-old two, three, four times a day to do her hair? As it is, it often has to be re-done after her nap!
no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 01:30 pm (UTC)That IS a big thing. You both did really well, and I'm proud of you both, and I hope that doesn't sound condescending to either of you.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 05:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-23 10:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 02:32 am (UTC)So she wears it loose, like I do.
And the boys? I buzz all their heads. Even Dan's! :D
no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 02:41 am (UTC)And buzzed hair on boys works like a charm.
I also lack the dexterity to do braids on Ana, sadly, but not doing them just isn't an option. It's not even about looking neat, it's about her having hair that's not a complete felted mat. My hair is just like that, that's why it's short now, so it's easy to brush. If her hair isn't done up neatly, it tangles so bad it's painful for everyone to brush out.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 03:06 am (UTC)Kayleigh's hair gets matted, too -- drives me nuts! It's very thin and very fine. The ends come out if it is braided.
And ooo the arguing, it doesn't get any more pleasant when they are no longer toddlers~
no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 03:12 am (UTC)I mean, there's other things you can do to hair to make it stop acting like... well, hair. Braids of various sorts are just the simplest. Keeps them out of your face, and out of your way, and makes sure it doesn't tangle.
But if you can't do braids, I suppose the answer is to make sure the hair is brushed out often. You can see why I prefer braiding Ana's hair. Can you imagine having to sit down a two-year-old two, three, four times a day to do her hair? As it is, it often has to be re-done after her nap!
no subject
Date: 2005-09-20 01:30 pm (UTC)That IS a big thing. You both did really well, and I'm proud of you both, and I hope that doesn't sound condescending to either of you.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 05:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-23 10:04 pm (UTC)