Got the sticker!

[conuly]

The Nice Helpful Person was at the desk (the same one who let me go in without card or paying when I called ahead and explained the card was lost), and apparently the person who deals with these problems was in, so she got it fixed up while we were at the toddler program. That was simple.

And I am determined. Ana has a friend in the toddler program, a girl Barbara, I am determined to talk to her mom and exchange contact information because after the baby is born, I won't be coming to the toddler program with Ana, at least for a while, and the two really are good friends, as much as any two toddlers can be, so I'd like to keep in touch.

Now, I have a question. Say, in a completely and totally hypothetical situation (note the use of sarcastic italics to indicate that this situation is not at all hypothetical) the toddler programs are being run by a different person than they used to be run by. And before it was mostly unstructured play, with a bit of singing and stories and games (AND BUBBLES!) at the end, and now the person running it does less "structured" stuff at the end.

And you prefered the old system. Would you:

A. Keep quiet
B. Talk to your friends while in the program about how you "hate to complain" but the other person was better because she did *insert activity* and this person doesn't
C. Talk to the person running the program, say you hate to complain, and finish it from there?

Which option, to you, seems best?

Because I'm sure it isn't B, and yet that seems the prefered option. Not just in this situation, either, but this is the most recent time I've seen this.

Comments

[the-cynic.livejournal.com]

C. Talk to the person running the program, say you hate to complain, and finish it from there?

Talk to the person and express how much Ana enjoyed the previous structured method. Its important that you emphasize Ana, rather than yourself, because you assume the coordinator wants the program to be succesful fromn the toddlers' point of view. If that fails to elicit change, then you are justified in escalating to their boss, etc., as long as you are always keying on the toddlers' experience.

Option B is too much like gossiping, and Option A, from what I've seen of you (at least online) isn't really an option, is it?

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

My impression is more that she is hearing B from others in the program.

As for why B is such a popular choice, well, it's human nature to gossip about others, but it's harder for people to actually approach someone with a complaint (fear of confrontation, etc.) Plus, for whatever reason, people seem to avoid DOING something about problems more often than not. Perhaps we have a procrastination gene abundant in humans? Who knows. One of my favorite quotes seems appropriate here: "The difference between what we are doing and what we are capable of doing would solve most of the world's problems." --Mahatma Gandhi.

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the toddler emphasis is a GREAT idea!

[conuly]

What Jenn said - option B is what other people were doing. I wasn't there that much with the other person before she took her leave or whatever it is she did.

As for A - *laughs* In real life, I'm not quite as outspoken. At least, not to people I don't know well. Of course, the real me is more like the one you see here, not the one you see in Real Life, I think, but....

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

The "real you" is both - sometimes quite outspoken, but mostly only online, and actually rather shy in person. It is part of who you are. It kind of annoys me that you would think one aspect of you is more "real" than another.

[leora.livejournal.com]

None of the above, but closer to B. I'd ask other parents if they felt that their children were missing some of the old style activities and then if they were, approach the instructor in a ~positive~ not negative way such as:

I like what you're doing, but my child and it seems some of the others also really enjoyed FOO and I think they miss it now. It'd be nice if you could do FOO during these sessions.

The thing is, there is some merit to going to the instructor and just saying you want something. But not much, really. I mean, that's one parent/one kid... you don't shape the program to what one child wants. If you do that, you are likely to hurt the other kids by taking away what they enjoy to meet the vocal parents' desires which may or may not be based on anything sensible. But if most of the kids want something, then it makes sense to make changes.

So, I think people doing B are trying to determine whether there perceptions are sensible. It's the standard desire to check your beliefs against other people's to see if they seem valid. Many people will do this to build up the courage to bring it up. Some will just do this and that's it and it's pointless. They're not doing it very well, but what they're doing does have some sense to it.

[fjorab-teke.livejournal.com]

I'd take C but not in a complaininhg way...just offer up suggestions of how you thought parts of the old system worked so wonderfully and if they would please re-implement it at least somewhat.

[ladytalon.livejournal.com]

People like B because direct complaining takes effort, and it's easier to be passive-aggressive. If I were the leader, I'd be angry to hear B, and would prefer C. I hate A because then if there are performance reviews at the end, people write anonymous things about how they hated the change, but I CAN'T KNOW IF NO ONE TELLS ME! Rar.

[rho]

Somehwere between B and C. I'd talk with others to check that I wasn't the only one holding the opinion, and then presuming I wasn't then I'd approach the person running the program. And I also like what both leora and the_cynic suggested.

[the-cynic.livejournal.com]

C. Talk to the person running the program, say you hate to complain, and finish it from there?

Talk to the person and express how much Ana enjoyed the previous structured method. Its important that you emphasize Ana, rather than yourself, because you assume the coordinator wants the program to be succesful fromn the toddlers' point of view. If that fails to elicit change, then you are justified in escalating to their boss, etc., as long as you are always keying on the toddlers' experience.

Option B is too much like gossiping, and Option A, from what I've seen of you (at least online) isn't really an option, is it?

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

My impression is more that she is hearing B from others in the program.

As for why B is such a popular choice, well, it's human nature to gossip about others, but it's harder for people to actually approach someone with a complaint (fear of confrontation, etc.) Plus, for whatever reason, people seem to avoid DOING something about problems more often than not. Perhaps we have a procrastination gene abundant in humans? Who knows. One of my favorite quotes seems appropriate here: "The difference between what we are doing and what we are capable of doing would solve most of the world's problems." --Mahatma Gandhi.

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the toddler emphasis is a GREAT idea!

[conuly]

What Jenn said - option B is what other people were doing. I wasn't there that much with the other person before she took her leave or whatever it is she did.

As for A - *laughs* In real life, I'm not quite as outspoken. At least, not to people I don't know well. Of course, the real me is more like the one you see here, not the one you see in Real Life, I think, but....

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

The "real you" is both - sometimes quite outspoken, but mostly only online, and actually rather shy in person. It is part of who you are. It kind of annoys me that you would think one aspect of you is more "real" than another.

[leora.livejournal.com]

None of the above, but closer to B. I'd ask other parents if they felt that their children were missing some of the old style activities and then if they were, approach the instructor in a ~positive~ not negative way such as:

I like what you're doing, but my child and it seems some of the others also really enjoyed FOO and I think they miss it now. It'd be nice if you could do FOO during these sessions.

The thing is, there is some merit to going to the instructor and just saying you want something. But not much, really. I mean, that's one parent/one kid... you don't shape the program to what one child wants. If you do that, you are likely to hurt the other kids by taking away what they enjoy to meet the vocal parents' desires which may or may not be based on anything sensible. But if most of the kids want something, then it makes sense to make changes.

So, I think people doing B are trying to determine whether there perceptions are sensible. It's the standard desire to check your beliefs against other people's to see if they seem valid. Many people will do this to build up the courage to bring it up. Some will just do this and that's it and it's pointless. They're not doing it very well, but what they're doing does have some sense to it.

[fjorab-teke.livejournal.com]

I'd take C but not in a complaininhg way...just offer up suggestions of how you thought parts of the old system worked so wonderfully and if they would please re-implement it at least somewhat.

[ladytalon.livejournal.com]

People like B because direct complaining takes effort, and it's easier to be passive-aggressive. If I were the leader, I'd be angry to hear B, and would prefer C. I hate A because then if there are performance reviews at the end, people write anonymous things about how they hated the change, but I CAN'T KNOW IF NO ONE TELLS ME! Rar.

[rho]

Somehwere between B and C. I'd talk with others to check that I wasn't the only one holding the opinion, and then presuming I wasn't then I'd approach the person running the program. And I also like what both leora and the_cynic suggested.