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conuly
Some of you are my friends. Others, I just like to read.
Even if I consider you my friend, there's a very good chance I'll never tell you that, for a number of depressing reasons.
1. I have long since learned that people who say "I'm your friend" rarely are. They're saying it because they want to set you up for their own profit or amusement. Or they're saying it because they feel bad about not stopping other people from harming you. At best, they're saying it because they've noticed you don't trust them, don't like them, and don't want to be around them, probably for a good reason - and this has disturbed them greatly. They're not saying it because they're actually your friends. Your real friends don't need to tell you this, generally.
The phrase "I'm your friend" or "we're friends" always sets off my alarms, because it's about the most untrustworthy thing people have ever said to me. I really just wish I'd figured out that lie sooner. (Note, this doesn't apply to the person whose post prompted this, because that person (whom I do consider a friend) is very unlikely to fall into any of those three categories.)
2. Even if I didn't have that huge psychological block described above, what if I say I'm your friend, or just refer to myself as your friend (as in "my friend 'name' is 'blank'") and then you get upset because it's non-reciprocal? I keep thinking like I don't have very many friends, and people are only pretending to like me, it's a big setup for some huge joke. Oh, I know it's not true (and if you actually are in that category, you should feel horrible and go away NOW), but I can't shake the feeling.
3. It's even harder to shake the feeling that other people also aren't my friends, they're just tolerating me, but without the malicious intent of the people in group 2. What if I talk about you as though you're my friend, and then you feel bad because you don't really care about me in any personal sense?
*sighs*
And you know what's really bad is that writing this entry has pretty much destroyed my mood. I'm going to have to clean my glasses again now. Please don't reply to this saying things like "that's not true" or "I'm your friend", because then we're back at number 1 again, and nobody really wants that.
I'm locking this.
Even if I consider you my friend, there's a very good chance I'll never tell you that, for a number of depressing reasons.
1. I have long since learned that people who say "I'm your friend" rarely are. They're saying it because they want to set you up for their own profit or amusement. Or they're saying it because they feel bad about not stopping other people from harming you. At best, they're saying it because they've noticed you don't trust them, don't like them, and don't want to be around them, probably for a good reason - and this has disturbed them greatly. They're not saying it because they're actually your friends. Your real friends don't need to tell you this, generally.
The phrase "I'm your friend" or "we're friends" always sets off my alarms, because it's about the most untrustworthy thing people have ever said to me. I really just wish I'd figured out that lie sooner. (Note, this doesn't apply to the person whose post prompted this, because that person (whom I do consider a friend) is very unlikely to fall into any of those three categories.)
2. Even if I didn't have that huge psychological block described above, what if I say I'm your friend, or just refer to myself as your friend (as in "my friend 'name' is 'blank'") and then you get upset because it's non-reciprocal? I keep thinking like I don't have very many friends, and people are only pretending to like me, it's a big setup for some huge joke. Oh, I know it's not true (and if you actually are in that category, you should feel horrible and go away NOW), but I can't shake the feeling.
3. It's even harder to shake the feeling that other people also aren't my friends, they're just tolerating me, but without the malicious intent of the people in group 2. What if I talk about you as though you're my friend, and then you feel bad because you don't really care about me in any personal sense?
*sighs*
And you know what's really bad is that writing this entry has pretty much destroyed my mood. I'm going to have to clean my glasses again now. Please don't reply to this saying things like "that's not true" or "I'm your friend", because then we're back at number 1 again, and nobody really wants that.
I'm locking this.
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no subject
Date: 2005-06-07 07:24 pm (UTC)As far as saying "I'm your friend" I was brought up to think that being friends was one of those situations where you decide for the other person. Not to say that a person wouldn't say "You're my friend" to try to get you. It's more something I say in the back of my brain and keep to myself, I think. I'm not sure, I have very few friends (3, I'm sure of at the moment), each relationship is different, and I don't really have a uniform statement for all of them. I have told one friend I love her and she's it's not sexual, one is over the AIM and I've never seen her face, and one is male.
It's very hard for me to determine who my friends are, because I'm so damn distrustful. Even people I admire a lot, I say "This woman," or call them by their name. To be a friend, well, that's something totally different. I know who my friends are and how I feel about them, I'm not exactly sure how they became my friends as opposed to anyone else, escept for that we all seem to be sort of eccentric and yes, somewhat lonely people who wouldn't hurt eachother for our own personal gains.