Sooooo....
Dec. 14th, 2003 04:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
My mom is mad at Jenn, I don't know why. And I hate it. Every time she's mad at Jenn, she tries to rant about it to me. I used to end up sobbing when they fought because she'd try to drag me into it. I really don't want to hear about Jenn's crimes, Mommy, real or imagined.
When I was younger and she was mad at Jenn she'd buy a lot of books for me, which was good... and then tell me that she did it to get back at my sister. Some present. She's trying to do that again by making a big deal about spending christmas, just the two of us; interspersed with comments about how it's been over a week since she's seen Ana. This does not bode well for my holiday celebrations.
Honestly, I'm just sick of it. Quite aside from the fact that I don't want to be dragged into the middle of her arguments with Jenn, and I'm sick of being guilt-tripped if I spend time with Jenn because, omigod, she's so hurt and offended... I almost feel like she doesn't notice me except when she's studiously not noticing (!) my sister. She doesn't ever make a big deal about spending time with me until she's mad at Jenn. (And yet, she has the nerve to say I don't want to spend time with her... I can't talk to people when the TV is on, but she refuses to turn it off, just like she refuses to show some courtesy towards my lungs, and, indeed, lights up a cigarette as soon as she gets home so I can't get near to her...) When we see Jenn, it's all about talking to Jenn. Not talking to me. What she does with me is run her fingers up my back so I jump. But if I mention this, I'm the one who's wrong, she always wants to spend time with me, she never ever ever gets mad at Jenn, even though she's mad RIGHT NOW
*sighs*
This is NOT going to be a pleasant Christmas... and my hopes are rapidly fading for New Years as well.
In other news, when it comes to gifts, definitely doing Little Christmas, the lines at toys r us were horrific.
When I was younger and she was mad at Jenn she'd buy a lot of books for me, which was good... and then tell me that she did it to get back at my sister. Some present. She's trying to do that again by making a big deal about spending christmas, just the two of us; interspersed with comments about how it's been over a week since she's seen Ana. This does not bode well for my holiday celebrations.
Honestly, I'm just sick of it. Quite aside from the fact that I don't want to be dragged into the middle of her arguments with Jenn, and I'm sick of being guilt-tripped if I spend time with Jenn because, omigod, she's so hurt and offended... I almost feel like she doesn't notice me except when she's studiously not noticing (!) my sister. She doesn't ever make a big deal about spending time with me until she's mad at Jenn. (And yet, she has the nerve to say I don't want to spend time with her... I can't talk to people when the TV is on, but she refuses to turn it off, just like she refuses to show some courtesy towards my lungs, and, indeed, lights up a cigarette as soon as she gets home so I can't get near to her...) When we see Jenn, it's all about talking to Jenn. Not talking to me. What she does with me is run her fingers up my back so I jump. But if I mention this, I'm the one who's wrong, she always wants to spend time with me, she never ever ever gets mad at Jenn, even though she's mad RIGHT NOW
*sighs*
This is NOT going to be a pleasant Christmas... and my hopes are rapidly fading for New Years as well.
In other news, when it comes to gifts, definitely doing Little Christmas, the lines at toys r us were horrific.
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no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 07:49 am (UTC)*sigh*
Call me later, or go on AIM, 'k?
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 01:20 pm (UTC)Each time she's pissed off at my sister, she has to drag it on me, on how I'm a bad exemple.
Like it was all my fault.
But, now, even though my mom is screaming her lungs at my sis...I seem to be okay.
Watch me be grounded for the next 3 months in the next 10 minuts now.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 01:23 pm (UTC)At least that's not my problem. She just has to rant to me about how evil Jenn is. That's the only good thing I got out of counseling, I started telling her to stop.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 09:33 pm (UTC)I'm sorry. My parents don't usually drag me into their arguments like that, but there's so much fighting in my house that I think I understand how it feels. Or at least I know how it makes me feel, and I hate it so much that if it's anything similar for you I sympathise hugely... but can't really give any advice on how to help with it, because I'm really, really bad at dealing with conflict and I don't know the full situation anyway. So. I'll just give imaginary hugs.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 07:49 am (UTC)*sigh*
Call me later, or go on AIM, 'k?
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 01:20 pm (UTC)Each time she's pissed off at my sister, she has to drag it on me, on how I'm a bad exemple.
Like it was all my fault.
But, now, even though my mom is screaming her lungs at my sis...I seem to be okay.
Watch me be grounded for the next 3 months in the next 10 minuts now.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 01:23 pm (UTC)At least that's not my problem. She just has to rant to me about how evil Jenn is. That's the only good thing I got out of counseling, I started telling her to stop.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 09:33 pm (UTC)I'm sorry. My parents don't usually drag me into their arguments like that, but there's so much fighting in my house that I think I understand how it feels. Or at least I know how it makes me feel, and I hate it so much that if it's anything similar for you I sympathise hugely... but can't really give any advice on how to help with it, because I'm really, really bad at dealing with conflict and I don't know the full situation anyway. So. I'll just give imaginary hugs.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 09:46 pm (UTC)