Now what did I tell you?
Apr. 27th, 2005 12:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
I'm going to copy and paste this.
I would like to thank Katie Scarvey for her compassionate and informative articles that heighten autism awareness.
Here it comes....
My husband and I have two sons on the autism spectrum. We understand Mrs. Scarvey's comparison of children with autism and children with a cancer diagnosis.
Really? Because I sure don't.
Both are devastating diagnoses for a parent to hear.
To some people, so is the realization that their child is gay. That doesn't make such a comparison correct, or kind.
The Scarvey family has very publicly discussed their own daughter's diagnosis with cancer and are bravely battling the painful and arduous road to cancer recovery. Because of this, I do not feel that she was belittling any parent who has a child with cancer and their painful ordeal.
No, but possibly, just possibly, she was insulting an entire group of autistic people? Maybe, just maybe, she was being insensitive to those who really don't think that autism is akin to a fatal disease?
When my husband and I received the autism diagnosis of our more severely autistic son, we felt as if the child that we had prayed and dreamed of, and for, had died.
That child never existed. My parents never got a kid who wanted to play soccer. Life goes on. For most of us, anyway. Some people literally kill their children. I assume you're not one of those.
The plans that we had made for his future (college and family), now have to be redirected for his special education needs, various therapies and long term care after we have passed.
Which you do because you love him. And because he isn't dying. And because he's going to live for quite a long time.
I personally feel autism is akin to a terminal illness.
I personally feel the same way about stupidity. It is only cured by death, after all. But I don't go around telling people that. I think it's rude.
Doctors offer parents a plethora of options to help deal with some of the "many" symptoms and physical and mental manifestations of autism, but no one can offer a regimen of chemotherapy, radiation or surgery to cure our son.
Your son isn't sick. He's no more sick than the aforementioned gay kid, or all the lefties in the world.
His life will "forever" be a battle of his illness.
And all my life, I've had to accomodate to live in this world of righties. Oh, the horror. People no longer force kids to change handedness. This is supposed to be a good thing.
We and other autistic parents wonder, "Do our children know and understand how much we love and fight for them everyday?"
You're not autistic. Or, at least, you don't define yourself that way, which is what really matters.
Most parents of children with cancer do not have to ask that question.
No. They have to ask "does my child understand that he is dying" and "how do I explain to their brothers and sisters that they're gone?" Really, you got the better deal here.
Their children can "show" and "tell" them, "I love you."
So can your son, if you would take the time to listen and learn.
I hope that our son knows that we love him and will fight for him everyday for their rest of our lives. I have to believe that in some way he knows.
Because he's not just going to conveniently up and die so that you don't have to wonder anymore.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't point out how offensive people are anymore. Actually, I never did, but that's because I'm a born cynic.
Anyway,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
l33tminion, want to try again? Maybe this time you can make it clearer (how, I'm not sure) that you thought the comparison was insulting to autistics, not to people with cancer (though I'm confident that it's not a fair comparision to them either).
I would like to thank Katie Scarvey for her compassionate and informative articles that heighten autism awareness.
Here it comes....
My husband and I have two sons on the autism spectrum. We understand Mrs. Scarvey's comparison of children with autism and children with a cancer diagnosis.
Really? Because I sure don't.
Both are devastating diagnoses for a parent to hear.
To some people, so is the realization that their child is gay. That doesn't make such a comparison correct, or kind.
The Scarvey family has very publicly discussed their own daughter's diagnosis with cancer and are bravely battling the painful and arduous road to cancer recovery. Because of this, I do not feel that she was belittling any parent who has a child with cancer and their painful ordeal.
No, but possibly, just possibly, she was insulting an entire group of autistic people? Maybe, just maybe, she was being insensitive to those who really don't think that autism is akin to a fatal disease?
When my husband and I received the autism diagnosis of our more severely autistic son, we felt as if the child that we had prayed and dreamed of, and for, had died.
That child never existed. My parents never got a kid who wanted to play soccer. Life goes on. For most of us, anyway. Some people literally kill their children. I assume you're not one of those.
The plans that we had made for his future (college and family), now have to be redirected for his special education needs, various therapies and long term care after we have passed.
Which you do because you love him. And because he isn't dying. And because he's going to live for quite a long time.
I personally feel autism is akin to a terminal illness.
I personally feel the same way about stupidity. It is only cured by death, after all. But I don't go around telling people that. I think it's rude.
Doctors offer parents a plethora of options to help deal with some of the "many" symptoms and physical and mental manifestations of autism, but no one can offer a regimen of chemotherapy, radiation or surgery to cure our son.
Your son isn't sick. He's no more sick than the aforementioned gay kid, or all the lefties in the world.
His life will "forever" be a battle of his illness.
And all my life, I've had to accomodate to live in this world of righties. Oh, the horror. People no longer force kids to change handedness. This is supposed to be a good thing.
We and other autistic parents wonder, "Do our children know and understand how much we love and fight for them everyday?"
You're not autistic. Or, at least, you don't define yourself that way, which is what really matters.
Most parents of children with cancer do not have to ask that question.
No. They have to ask "does my child understand that he is dying" and "how do I explain to their brothers and sisters that they're gone?" Really, you got the better deal here.
Their children can "show" and "tell" them, "I love you."
So can your son, if you would take the time to listen and learn.
I hope that our son knows that we love him and will fight for him everyday for their rest of our lives. I have to believe that in some way he knows.
Because he's not just going to conveniently up and die so that you don't have to wonder anymore.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't point out how offensive people are anymore. Actually, I never did, but that's because I'm a born cynic.
Anyway,
l33tminion, want to try again? Maybe this time you can make it clearer (how, I'm not sure) that you thought the comparison was insulting to autistics, not to people with cancer (though I'm confident that it's not a fair comparision to them either).
no subject
Date: 2005-04-26 11:35 pm (UTC)Maybe, but it seems fair to me. She would rather not have an autistic child. She would do anything in her power to make her child not autistic - including trading the autism for cancer. Her child would be somebody else if not for the autism. When she found out about the autism, it was like her child died, and left her with the inferior replacement.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 12:00 am (UTC)Granted. This person is a curebie. However, she genuinely thinks that a "cure" would be in her child's best interests. Which it probably would be, but for the crucial fact that "curing" the autism would turn the child into "somebody else". However, as a curebie, this person probably takes the theory that autism is a "disease" and therefore is not part of her child's "true self" or something like that. That's almost certainly wishful thinking, but she's probably not aware of that. I will point out that in the case of mental differences and mind-affecting drugs it's very hard to say what is "really" the self and what is not.
"- including trading the autism for cancer."
Saying that Autism is "akin to a terminal illness" (italics mine) is not the same as saying that she would be willing to trade autism for cancer. The words this person actually said are bad enough, but there's no need for you to put more damning ones in her mouth.
"Her child would be somebody else if not for the autism."
I agree, but she genuinely doesn't believe this.
"When she found out about the autism, it was like her child died, and left her with the inferior replacement."
She doesn't say "inferior", although it can be she thinks that her son will have a lower quality of life than someone without Autism. That doesn't mean she loves her son less.
Show some compassion, Conuly. This isn't a case of murderous, monster parents who no longer love their "diseased" child. This is a case of loving people who do cruel, selfish, and irrational things in a painful and difficult situation.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 12:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 12:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 12:20 am (UTC)I'd talk more, but I don't want to piss you off.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 12:28 am (UTC)I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. I can be a bit blunt with my criticism (to put it mildly)...
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 12:30 am (UTC)