Taken from metaquotes

[conuly]

One of my sister's friends tried that "I won't have sex until I'm married line" around my mom (or maybe Jenn reported it to her, I'm not sure) and my mom laughed in her face.

And, if you're curious, her everlasting advice goes as follows: Sex. Is. Not. Love. You can have love without sex, you can have sex without love. Too many stupid people get themselves into bad, or abusive, or just plain boring relationships because of "well, we had sex, but it's all right because we're in love, so now we have to stay togetha 4eva!!!!" and it's wrong.

(Everything after the first four words is an elaboration by me)

Comments

[leora.livejournal.com]

I am strongly against not having sex before marriage. Not just for those reasons, but also because I think one of the worst consensual ways you can have sex for the first time is when you're stressed, under a lot of pressure, and feel that it absolutely has to happen that night.

If you have sex before marriage, you can do it when you both feel ready. And if you start fooling around and decide to back out - no problem.

If you haven't had sex yet and it's your wedding night, backing out is suddenly a much bigger more emotional issue. So, you pretty much are forced to have sex that night. And that's a horrible situation to be in.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I'd hope you wouldnt marry someone who would pressure you on your wedding night, if you waited that long, if you were both that patient...

I do know some who waited until after they were married, hopefully married people are on the same wavelength.

[leora.livejournal.com]

Well, I certainly wouldn't. But I was thinking of internal pressure, not external. That each partner would feel far more performance pressure and on a day when they have more stress and less energy than usual. And that just seems a bad combination.

[lakidaa.livejournal.com]

I always viewed sex as a very strong way to show love.

and abstinence is a great way to have boring, flat sex the same way in a marriage. I mean, when you finally DO have sex, you don't know how or what you're doing or anything. Fex: The dude will probably not get that the woman has to have foreplay too, in order to enjoy sex to the fullest, or the woman might not know...something. Not to mention the hymen pain thing that is probable making the night unfun.

So. Um. yeah.

[sparkofcreation.livejournal.com]

My mother always told me she was against waiting until marriage before having sex.

The first man I had sex with thought that was a terrible attitude to take, because *his* mother had told him to save himself. (And she gave me the whole what-are-your-intentions-toward-my-son spiel. Really f'ed up. Especially considering we were 21.) ... I didn't pressure him, I swear.

I can't say I entirely agree with my mother, but I'm very glad that I didn't wait until marriage and I'm very glad that we had complete sexual education that taught us all about different ways to have safe sex—including (but definitely limited to) abstinence.

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

(but definitely limited to)

I think you meant to a a NOT there. :-p

[leora.livejournal.com]

I am strongly against not having sex before marriage. Not just for those reasons, but also because I think one of the worst consensual ways you can have sex for the first time is when you're stressed, under a lot of pressure, and feel that it absolutely has to happen that night.

If you have sex before marriage, you can do it when you both feel ready. And if you start fooling around and decide to back out - no problem.

If you haven't had sex yet and it's your wedding night, backing out is suddenly a much bigger more emotional issue. So, you pretty much are forced to have sex that night. And that's a horrible situation to be in.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I'd hope you wouldnt marry someone who would pressure you on your wedding night, if you waited that long, if you were both that patient...

I do know some who waited until after they were married, hopefully married people are on the same wavelength.

[leora.livejournal.com]

Well, I certainly wouldn't. But I was thinking of internal pressure, not external. That each partner would feel far more performance pressure and on a day when they have more stress and less energy than usual. And that just seems a bad combination.

[lakidaa.livejournal.com]

I always viewed sex as a very strong way to show love.

and abstinence is a great way to have boring, flat sex the same way in a marriage. I mean, when you finally DO have sex, you don't know how or what you're doing or anything. Fex: The dude will probably not get that the woman has to have foreplay too, in order to enjoy sex to the fullest, or the woman might not know...something. Not to mention the hymen pain thing that is probable making the night unfun.

So. Um. yeah.

[sparkofcreation.livejournal.com]

My mother always told me she was against waiting until marriage before having sex.

The first man I had sex with thought that was a terrible attitude to take, because *his* mother had told him to save himself. (And she gave me the whole what-are-your-intentions-toward-my-son spiel. Really f'ed up. Especially considering we were 21.) ... I didn't pressure him, I swear.

I can't say I entirely agree with my mother, but I'm very glad that I didn't wait until marriage and I'm very glad that we had complete sexual education that taught us all about different ways to have safe sex—including (but definitely limited to) abstinence.

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

(but definitely limited to)

I think you meant to a a NOT there. :-p