conuly

Hey, Alan,
I’m a 23-year old dude who enjoys reading your column to see what my fellow dudes are thinking about dating—and now I have a question of my own.

Considering what I've read in these columns, *I* have a question. ARE YOU INSANE??

I graduated high school insanely early (three years early to be exact), and the girls I’ve dated seem to get uncomfortable as soon as they find this out.

Sucks to be you, then.

I’m not one of those brainy, pretentious guys who’ll only do “intellectually stimulating” stuff on a date like seeing films with subtitles or visiting hoity-toity art galleries.

Yes, yes, you're wonderful. Shut up.

In fact, I spend my free time playing PC games, and my favorite movies are along the Jackie Chan variety.

That's nice. We believe you. I'm not finding enough to snark about, so get to the point.

And even though my dates know these things about me, when they learn that, say, I have a photographic memory, they suddenly look at me as a whole different person—usually not the kind they’d want to hang out with.

Maybe like the kind that brags a lot about his ability to be smart AND theoretically normal?

Is there anyway I can tell a girl, “Yeah, technically I’m brilliant,” and not scare them away?

Well, I've identified his problem....

–Hopelessly Gifted In Galena

You mean, hopelessly incapable of keeping from bragging.

Yo, Gifty,
I totally get where you’re coming from—dating is rough on us smarty pantses. I mean, when you’re as clever, brilliant and sharp as we are, well, it’s hard to convince the great unwashed that we’re as down to earth as they are.

Okay, reread that last paragraph, Gifty. Now reread your letter. Did they sound kind of conceited? Kind of egotistical? Kind of ME, ME, ME? Well, they are. And therein lies the rub.

Amazingly, this is good advice. You'd have to be stupid not to get it.

First off, mad props for blowing through high school in two minutes. It’s an astounding feat, but not a feat you need to loudly advertise. Don’t get me wrong—it’s a huge part of your life, and something an eventual mate should know about, so you shouldn’t not mention it. (Yeah, I know “shouldn’t not” is a double negative, but I have to keep you on your toes, Brain Boy.)

Well, no, it's not a double negative. I mean, it is, but not the kind the prescriptivists decry. There's no other way to say what you wanted to say there!

I'm pissed. He should've been stupider. Sorry, guys.