I am going to kill my mother.

[conuly]

Con-ed sucks. Seriously, they suck. If you want to pay your bill by phone you have to call during business hours using their phone or take a super long time in the phone tree. I could pay online, but somebody forgot the password and userid for our con-ed account, and the email is for Jenn's work email. Her *old* work email, the one she got fired from.

Well, it's a joint electric bill. My mother uses a good portion of that herself. So back in June I asked her to pay the bill. "Why do I need to do it?" Because I can't easily pay it myself, but really, Mommy, while you're on the phone have them reset the account so I can pay online. You can even hook it up to my phone number. Easy-peasy.

In July, she claimed she had fixed it so I could pay online. She had not. I asked her to pay. "Why doesn't Jenn do it?" Because it would be an interminable nuisance. You live here too. You use the electricity too. Fix it so I can pay online, and I will never ask you again.

Mid-July I checked - "Hey, did you pay the bill?" "Oh, sure!"

Now it's August. I get the bill in the mail and I decide rather than just fob this off on my mom I'll check and see how much we owe, get a feel for what our average bill is.

What's this? We haven't paid in three months? THIS IS A SHUT-OFF NOTICE???

So I call my mom. "Mommy? You paid the bill last month, right?" "Well, I think I did..."

She thinks she did? How often do I hear that little line from the girls? Hell, how often did I use that exact line back when I was in school? That woman went to every single one of my parent teacher conferences, she thinks I don't know that line? "Oh, I think I did!" Bullshit she thinks she did! She knows damn well she did not pay the bill!

For the record, we're spending slightly less than $100 a month on electricity, which is not too shabby... if the bill gets paid. Trust me, that wasn't gonna break the bank there.

And she lied right to me! For fuck's sake, she's a grown woman, not a recalcitrant child!

She thinks she did. Now, if she really thought she did, you and I know for sure she would've said something more like "Why?" or "Of course" or "Isn't your sister supposed to handle that?" That's what really gets me. My mother is in her 60s now, she can't lie better than that? It's outright insulting.

I will corner her with her lunch tomorrow, have her sign a check (or have Jenn sign a check if she won't be cornered, I'm not that picky), check the damn "direct deposit" box on the bill, shove it in the god damn mail, and be freaking done with it.

Oh, and on the list of people who have disappointed me today? Jenn? Act like an adult. If you have yet to mail out that homeschooling letter of intent, just fess up. I already ate your watermelon AND your sri lankan chicken curry, you have nothing left to lose.

Comments

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Argh. Sounds exactly like what my friend here always went through with her mother - who no longer lives independently because she's 94, but who was not competent to live independently even when she was younger because, frankly, she is a ditz. She went from a comfortably well-off widow to an almost-bankrupt widow in a decade due to near-total inability to manage her own finances - never had a budget, and flatly refused to even make one because "I never thought I should have to have one."

She did the very same sort of lying and 'forgetting' that you describe. Her children were ready to tear their hair out, BUT they flatly refused to do the obvious thing - stop expecting her to be responsible! She is never going to be! - until a series of crises made actual bankruptcy not just probable, but imminent.

Yeah, your mother is in her 60's now, and if she has not learned to be responsible about bills at this point, she is never going to be. So just come to grips with that admittedly-exasperating fact, and do the rational thing, viz. personally hold her hand while she sets up whatever needs setting-up so you know that it IS done, and if you need to check on whether something has been paid, call the payee instead of asking your Mom.

It's a very difficult thing to say "My mother is not competent to handle her own affairs" - particularly when one's mother is mortally offended at the very suggestion - but the alternative is living in denial till the roof caves in. You all almost lost your house this year because she didn't take care of business in a timely manner - why are you still trusting her to take care of it?

Yes, your mother procrastinates about these tasks. Probably because the modern ways of doing them are so daunting: I feel the same; my heart sinks into my boots every time I even have to call my bank or try to use their web-site. Cut some slack here for us Boomer women, to whom all these high-tech systems are user-hostile: even trying to check-out in the grocery store is a huge hassle nowadays, let alone dealing with a utility company. How humiliating would it be to have to say "No, I didn't take care of my important business because just the very thought of it made me want to weep with dread"? But what if that's the truth?

"I will corner her with her lunch tomorrow, have her sign a check (or have Jenn sign a check if she won't be cornered, I'm not that picky), check the damn "direct deposit" box on the bill, shove it in the god damn mail, and be freaking done with it."

Ayup. And I suggest that from now on, you institute a policy of doing that with every bill, on the day that it comes in. IMHO, the only way to stay on top of mail is to deal with it daily, and that goes double for bills. Sometimes one needs to wait till a paycheck comes in, and that's fine, but as soon as it does, wham, the bills get paid that day. Otherwise, life moves too fast, time slips by, and before one's aware, one is getting a shut-off notice. Don't Be That Girl!

Alas, your mother is That Girl, so you're just going to have to monitor her from now on. Sucks, I know, but there it is.

*hugs* Hang in there! And buy another watermelon!

[conuly]

Overslept this morning (couldn't sleep due to itching) but she did at least pay the bill. I know, because when I asked her she went "You know, you really overreacted, we had until the 18th", and if that's not an honest response I don't know what is.

I'm setting my calendar, though, to remind me to corner her next month as soon as the bill comes in.

Other bills: The water bill. I took a glance at that last month, I don't even want to think about that. She doesn't either. We're just going to have to whittle that one down, because it won't go away by ignoring it.