The other day I was playing with Eva

And she decided I was a mean monster who might eat her moose, Chocolate.

Eva: Chocolate! Save yourself! Live!! *lobs moose over edge of the bed* I'll hold her back! BAM BAM BAM!

Me: I'm a monster. Pretend guns make me grow more of me.

Eva: It's not a pretend gun. It's an imaginary gun. BAM BAM BAM!

Me: Same difference!

Eva: Stab stab stab!

Me: Nope, the only thing that works is, uh, lots of ice cream.

Eva: All right, cut! Work with me, people, work with me!

So we reset, and started again. And this is how I learned that Eva's moose met her long time boyfriend, Sharkie, while scuba diving off the coast of the bed.

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I am going to kill my mother.

Con-ed sucks. Seriously, they suck. If you want to pay your bill by phone you have to call during business hours using their phone or take a super long time in the phone tree. I could pay online, but somebody forgot the password and userid for our con-ed account, and the email is for Jenn's work email. Her *old* work email, the one she got fired from.

Well, it's a joint electric bill. My mother uses a good portion of that herself. So back in June I asked her to pay the bill. "Why do I need to do it?" Because I can't easily pay it myself, but really, Mommy, while you're on the phone have them reset the account so I can pay online. You can even hook it up to my phone number. Easy-peasy.

In July, she claimed she had fixed it so I could pay online. She had not. I asked her to pay. "Why doesn't Jenn do it?" Because it would be an interminable nuisance. You live here too. You use the electricity too. Fix it so I can pay online, and I will never ask you again.

Mid-July I checked - "Hey, did you pay the bill?" "Oh, sure!"

Now it's August. I get the bill in the mail and I decide rather than just fob this off on my mom I'll check and see how much we owe, get a feel for what our average bill is.

What's this? We haven't paid in three months? THIS IS A SHUT-OFF NOTICE???

So I call my mom. "Mommy? You paid the bill last month, right?" "Well, I think I did..."

She thinks she did? How often do I hear that little line from the girls? Hell, how often did I use that exact line back when I was in school? That woman went to every single one of my parent teacher conferences, she thinks I don't know that line? "Oh, I think I did!" Bullshit she thinks she did! She knows damn well she did not pay the bill!

For the record, we're spending slightly less than $100 a month on electricity, which is not too shabby... if the bill gets paid. Trust me, that wasn't gonna break the bank there.

And she lied right to me! For fuck's sake, she's a grown woman, not a recalcitrant child!

She thinks she did. Now, if she really thought she did, you and I know for sure she would've said something more like "Why?" or "Of course" or "Isn't your sister supposed to handle that?" That's what really gets me. My mother is in her 60s now, she can't lie better than that? It's outright insulting.

I will corner her with her lunch tomorrow, have her sign a check (or have Jenn sign a check if she won't be cornered, I'm not that picky), check the damn "direct deposit" box on the bill, shove it in the god damn mail, and be freaking done with it.

Oh, and on the list of people who have disappointed me today? Jenn? Act like an adult. If you have yet to mail out that homeschooling letter of intent, just fess up. I already ate your watermelon AND your sri lankan chicken curry, you have nothing left to lose.