Evangeline was shocked to find out about all the 'cdotes I post

[conuly]

Very shocked, and I had to promise her I wouldn't post a single story about her again without asking her first. Because people (she doesn't know) might think she's "weird". Her words, not mine. *I* think she's adorable.

Well, that's fair. She's not a baby anymore. *sniff*

And she seems to already understand what so many don't, that the impression you make online can follow you around forever.

We haven't worked out what to do when it's a story that involves her and Ana together. (Ana has no problem with me posting anything un-embarrassing. I can explain this... later.)

So if there's a little less periodic cute from me, that's not because I don't love my own beloved younger niece*, it's because I do and want to respect her wishes in this area.

*Cute story about this phrasing possibly to come.

Comments

[steorra]

How did she find out?

[conuly]

Like many small children, she constantly wants to hear stories about when she was smaller, or when we were young. (I wish I had something like a running list of cute kid stories from my own youth, in fact, because you start to forget things!)

And I mentioned that I'll have to look it up because I'd run out of stories about them, and she went "Look it up where?"

[ysobel]

FWIW I think she's utterly adorable (and not at all weird). But that probably doesn't help any...

[conuly]

Yeah, well... she's a little social butterfly in a few ways.

[siderea]

Yeah. I think maybe "people will think I'm weird" is a way of expressing the much harder to articulate "it's a very uncomfortable feeling to discover one has been under surveillance for an unknown audience." Which is not unreasonable.

[conuly]

Actually, I think she means she doesn't want people thinking she's weird. There was a longer conversation here with specific examples of ways in which she doesn't want people thinking she's weird.

[trialia]

Awwww, damn. :(

[sayga.livejournal.com]

I can see Maelle being upset about this kind of thing. Kira knows I do it and she's always asking, "Are you writing that online?" or "Are you putting that on FaceBook?" Kids are awesome. I love your sweet nieces and I've never even met them.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

We don't think she's 'weird'; we think she and her sister are remarkable girls, intelligent, feisty and resourceful as well as adorable.

Okay, it's true they're getting a bit too big to be called 'adorable' these days - can we still call them 'cute'? They are good-looking kids, of course, but more than that, what comes through in your 'cdotes is their charm, quick wits, and refreshingly original turns of thought, and your delight in watching the unfolding of their minds.

Nobody who reads your blog has any doubt that you love both your own beloved nieces above all things. Something Evangeline probably doesn't realize is that there are anecdotes online about just about every OTHER kid as well - whether the kids know it or not - because of all the parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, teachers and nannies who write about the children in their lives.

It's good to respect a person's reasonable requests, but it is not good to disrespect oneself by agreeing to honor unreasonable ones. Evangeline has the right to expect you not to put her down or make fun of her behind her back, not to tell about her embarrassing TMI moments, and not to talk about anything she's asked you to keep private. All that is reasonable, and it's a good thing to remind yourself that they're not babies any more, but readers, and as such, do have opinions about what is written about them.

However, it's not reasonable to expect you not to tell *any* 'cdotes about her, since you're with her every day. Like it or not, no one gets to control another person's communication with others; children in particular do not get to tell adults what they may or may not write, or to whom. More than that; giving children the idea that they has the right to control others that way is setting them up for a lifetime of trouble with all the 'others' who won't agree.

Personal correspondence is personal by definition, and that includes friends-locked Livejournal posts. It's actually none of your nieces' business what their aunt writes in her Livejournal to her adult friends (whom they don't even know) about her own life, of which they are a part. One cannot just say to a family member, "Don't talk about me without my permission", nor can one demand the right to censor their speech in advance, and this is the same thing.

Evangeline can be 'shocked' now, but it won't be long before she is old enough to have online friends of her own, and stories she wants to tell about things she does and places she goes with her aunt. So I hope you make it clear that the price of your having made the promise is that she must promise the same, not to tell any stories involving you without your prior permission, and if your promise includes verbal speech as well as text, so must hers. I doubt that will last long, since she will soon learn how it feels to have someone else's leash on her speech.

[conuly]

Because she doesn't know any of you guys, I do think it's reasonable for me to agree to not tell cute stories without running it by her first. I know you don't think she's weird, but that was her concern. Odds are she'll get over it in a short while anyway when she sees that the only things I care to post are the same sort of stories I recount to her mother and grandmother.

She DID agree to let me post things so "only a few people" can see them (that is, FLocked, I didn't bother to explain that many many people are on my friends list), so that's my easy out.

[conuly]

Also, to be clear, I don't intend to use that to stop me from saying things like "Oh, she was wonderful today" or "Oh, wow, today sucked because of the kids". I think she really just wants to make sure I'm not telling the world (again) about her biting her toenails. (I already posted about that, cat's out of the bag on that front.)

[dandelion.livejournal.com]

You can tell her that I'm 22 and can still bite my toenails - it's actually useful flexibility!

[conuly]

Yeah, except we don't want her biting her nails, toe or otherwise. Doesn't matter where it falls on the weird - normal scale.

[janewilliams20.livejournal.com]

I read about your nieces and think "ooh, more people like me!" Maybe this means that I'm weird too (but I can't bite my toenails).

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

And she seems to already understand what so many don't, that the impression you make online can follow you around forever.



Which I learned when someone I went head-to-head with in badmakeup turned out to be my trainer on my original contract here at work. Some other newbies and I were chatting during a break, and she overheard us talking about our online stuff, and it *clicked* in her head (considering my namething on my desk SAID "Lizziey", and all!), and you hear a rather shocked voice from the back "Wait...Lizziey...what is your LJ name...?". To which I turned to her and was like "really, Lilly? I mean, its been staring you in the FACE for the last two weeks...:. I'd realized the 2nd day in that I recognized her, just couldn't place the lj-name. Ha.

[conuly]

That must have been several kinds of awkward.

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

It was for a couple days until she realized the "part" I play in some communities online (especially the ones she's seen me around in, like sf_d, for instance) wasn't the me she sees at work. Now she REALLY knows it, considering I have jumped quite far ahead in the new contract we're both on, passing the first certification in record time for the company. :D