I've got a question.

[conuly]

Everywhere you go, there are people talking about the problems with Youth Today. It is pointless to point out exactly how long people have been doing this, of course.

One thing that comes up about younger children is "Parents are so wishy washy and desperate to be loved, and they never tell their children what to do, and every time they make a statement they follow it with 'okay?' or 'all right?' which just demonstrates how wishy washy they are, and why are they surprised when their children are little brats?" (Sooner or later the problem of Youth Today is always the fault of Parents Today, which no doubt is the same story they were saying ever since the first grandparents, but, again, no use in saying it.)

And that argument always irks me, and it took me a while to figure out why, but I think I have it now. I want to run it by you all first.

When I say something, and follow it with "okay?", I'm not literally asking "is that okay with you?" Instead, the word "okay?" means something more like "Do you understand?", "Did you hear me?", "Please acknowledge my statement so we can proceed with whatever it is I've just said we're about to do", or "I wasn't aware that my statement implied a choice. Hop to it".

I've yet to hear Ana or her sister - or any child - interpret this as my asking for their permission, and if I did I'd first rephrase and explain, and later - if it persisted - either wonder if they had language difficulties or, alternatively, if they were being deliberately snotty with overly literal language interpretations. At any rate, I'd be more careful in speaking around them until and unless the problem cleared up... but in the meantime, whatever I'd said would still get done, because once I've explained that it doesn't mean what you think it means, there shouldn't be any more misunderstandings going around, right?

Now, it's possible that more children than the ones I know do interpret these tag questions this way, especially if they're hearing them for the first time from people who aren't their primary caregivers (although that would tend to blow the 'parents today' argument out of the water, wouldn't it?), but even if that's the case, I'm not sure that's actually the intent of the parents speaking. And if it's not, then the use of these questions at the ends of sentences can't be said to imply wishy washy parenting, no matter how the children interpret these statements, right?

I'm not arguing that there isn't a level of excessively lenient parenting out there. Heck, it may even be higher than it was in the recent past (recent being a relative term) for all I know! But I don't think that this is the proof. What say you?

Comments

[tsukikage85.livejournal.com]

I agree entirely on the tag question issue.