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conuly
This Great, Upstanding Guy has a kid. And he's somewhat involved in the kid's life - the occasional birthday party, presents at Christmas, whatever. How involved depends on the family (and I like to believe that really good fathers never fall into this stupid game), but it's not just a check every month when Mom can make him.
At some point, years after the kid's been around - generally after a divorce - he gets it into his head that it's "not really his kid" and so why should he have to pay? And maybe they do paternity tests and, lo and behold, he's right - Mom was cheating on him at the right time. Whoops. So he won't pay up! Not his kid!
Yeah? Well, fuck you, asshole.
If you're gonna decide that a kid's not yours, you have to make that choice in a reasonable time after the kid's birth - or, for more convoluted cases, after you find out about the child. Once you decide to be a father to this kid, you don't get to take backsies on that. You don't get to be a dad to a kid for seven, eight, nine years, and then up and decide that because things didn't go just your way before the kid was even born that hey, you don't have any obligations anymore, no more trips to the zoo. It doesn't work that way, you already took the responsibility of being a parent, and now? Now you're stuck with it, like it or not.
Because it's not about you and the fact that you couldn't keep your wife/girlfriend/whoever from sleeping around. And it's not about her and the fact that she couldn't be honest with you from the start, either. It's about the kid. And if your kid is stuck with your worthless ass as the only dad s/he's ever known, and you've played that role already? Be an adult, suck it up, and deal. When you signed on to be a parent, part and parcel of that was the fact that from now on, you had to be an Adult. No matter what, gotta be more grown-up than the kids. Even if they're "not really yours", your responsibility is to keep them from thinking it should ever matter.
Man, stories like that piss me the fuck off. (And the fact that this guy's kid is grown up now doesn't make much difference to me.)
Note: I'm not claiming that sleeping around on your husband and lying about the results is a good gameplan. Monogamy means just that. Can't handle it? Don't want to? Marry somebody who doesn't mind, or don't get married at all - or, alternatively, get some self-control for a change. I'm just saying that what's done is done, and it's no good punishing kids because (both!) parents have issues.
Note the second: Yeah, Don't Read The Comments.
At some point, years after the kid's been around - generally after a divorce - he gets it into his head that it's "not really his kid" and so why should he have to pay? And maybe they do paternity tests and, lo and behold, he's right - Mom was cheating on him at the right time. Whoops. So he won't pay up! Not his kid!
Yeah? Well, fuck you, asshole.
If you're gonna decide that a kid's not yours, you have to make that choice in a reasonable time after the kid's birth - or, for more convoluted cases, after you find out about the child. Once you decide to be a father to this kid, you don't get to take backsies on that. You don't get to be a dad to a kid for seven, eight, nine years, and then up and decide that because things didn't go just your way before the kid was even born that hey, you don't have any obligations anymore, no more trips to the zoo. It doesn't work that way, you already took the responsibility of being a parent, and now? Now you're stuck with it, like it or not.
Because it's not about you and the fact that you couldn't keep your wife/girlfriend/whoever from sleeping around. And it's not about her and the fact that she couldn't be honest with you from the start, either. It's about the kid. And if your kid is stuck with your worthless ass as the only dad s/he's ever known, and you've played that role already? Be an adult, suck it up, and deal. When you signed on to be a parent, part and parcel of that was the fact that from now on, you had to be an Adult. No matter what, gotta be more grown-up than the kids. Even if they're "not really yours", your responsibility is to keep them from thinking it should ever matter.
Man, stories like that piss me the fuck off. (And the fact that this guy's kid is grown up now doesn't make much difference to me.)
Note: I'm not claiming that sleeping around on your husband and lying about the results is a good gameplan. Monogamy means just that. Can't handle it? Don't want to? Marry somebody who doesn't mind, or don't get married at all - or, alternatively, get some self-control for a change. I'm just saying that what's done is done, and it's no good punishing kids because (both!) parents have issues.
Note the second: Yeah, Don't Read The Comments.
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no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 01:20 am (UTC)And yet...a man that was lied to for x-amount of years by his ex-whore? IDK if legally he should be required to pay up because the bitch couldn't stay faithful (*raises hand* past unfaithful bitch here. :D) and keep her legs shut. Morally, sure, its shitty to be like "LULZ UR NOT MIEN!" and run out on the kid. But I kinda think the bitch should either find the bio father and make him pay, or STFU and pay the price (of raising the kid sans financial help from not-bio-dad that she slept around on) for being a whore.
I also think that men proven not to be the bio dad should be allowed to continue to visit with the kid if he chooses, but not pay the bitch who whelped said kid for being a whore. AND, I think if a woman knew the man paying her child support wasn't the father (or knew the possibility, didn't tell him, and later he was proved to not be the father), she should have to pay back every single penny he paid out to her.