Sometimes, people give the worst advice.

[conuly]

I call my sister, I need to know where Angelique's raincoat is. "Did you check the closet?" she asks.

What, exactly, does she expect me to say? I can only imagine it's along the lines of "HOLY SHIT! I TOTALLY FORGOT THE CLOSET! My god, I was checking the fridge and behind the toilet instead! Thank you so much for that terrific advice, Jenn!"

Where's the book you promised somebody I'd give them? "Well, it should be on the bookcase..."

No duh, it should be on the bookcase, but if it were on the bookcase, I wouldn't be wasting my time calling for help, now would I?

Here I am on LJ, and somebody asks for help - their son wakes up at an ungodly hour and, to make things worse, wakes the baby. They then fight until one of them gets shipped off for school. And this happens every day. And what advice does she get? "Well, at his age, he should understand no. Tell him no, he has to play in his room and not wake his brother, and let him know that he has to behave."

Here's the thing. If it honestly hasn't occurred to this woman to just tell her son no, believe me, suggesting it to her now isn't going to work. In all likelihood she tried that, and has been trying it for as long as this has been going on!

Jeez. Let's all try giving at least somewhat useful advice. Like stuff people might actually not have considered already.

(And I'm dead serious about the "Well, it should be in the most obvious location possible" nonsense. I'm so sick of hearing that line. Sooner or later, somebody is going to regret saying it to me.)

Comments

[concordantnexus.livejournal.com]

There's a semi-famous (for Polish people anyway) children's poem about a

Mister Hilary who tears apart the house looking for his glasses.

Turns out that he was wearing them the whole time. :p

8)

[conuly]

I once wore my glasses in the shower and, despite the presence of water droplets in my vision, couldn't figure out where the heck they were.

But it's been ages since I've misplaced my glasses.

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

Worst thing to do is lose your glasses. Because then you can't see to find them!!!

The day I got my contacts, the guy took my old glasses to try to get some crazy glue off the lenses. When he came back, of course, I automatically put them on, and CRAP I know what everyone else feels when they put on my glasses. OWIE HEADACHE!!!!

[rachelkachel]

I don't know, someone brought in their camera today saying it wasn't working, and I tried changing the batteries - you know, just in case - and that fixed it. It's annoying if you have thought of the obvious things but it saves a lot of time if you haven't.

[conuly]

It just seems to me like there's a polite way to do that, and a way that screams "I think you're a total incompetent".

[rachelkachel]

Well, sure. I guess I didn't really catch that part of your post.

[conuly]

It was a bit subtle.

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean -- it drives me crazy too! Ken used to do that all the time. "Have you seen my car keys?" "Did you look on the hook by the door?"

Grrrr. If they were on the hook by the door, would I be asking?!?!?!

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

I find that sort of thing irritating too. When I ask "Have you seen my keys?" or "Do you know where the stapler is?", these are simple yes-or-no questions, not requests for a tutorial in How To Search For Things.

It's an ego-thing, like the inability to ask for directions when lost. They can't admit the truth - that they don't know - because "I don't know" is punished in childhood. So what you get is a crossed transaction (www.cultsock.ndirect.co.uk/MUHome/cshtml/ta/ta_trans.html) - you asked an Adult question of another Adult, but it was interpreted by the other person as a Parent-to-Child transaction, so they defend themselves by replying with a Parent-to-Child transaction.

[ratkrycek.livejournal.com]

Thing of it is, in my experience - you'd be surprised at how often people have overlooked the obvious place/detail/answer. Just sayin'.

[deceptica]

I agree with that. I've also been told to look in the obvious place, looked again more thoroughly and then realised that I missed it the first time. For example.

[pne.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

Funny thing is, I would have thought that you (Conny), of all people, would appreciate such questions, because sometimes people do forget and I would have thought your reaction would not be "HOLY SHIT! I TOTALLY FORGOT THE CLOSET! My god, I was checking the fridge and behind the toilet instead! Thank you so much for that terrific advice, Jenn!" or even "How incompetent do you think I am?" (i.e. interpret the suggestion as an accusation) but "Yes, thank you, I did check there" (i.e. interpret the suggestion at face value, no emotional baggage attached).

Jeez. Let's all try giving at least somewhat useful advice. Like stuff people might actually not have considered already.

The thing is, we're not mind readers, and enough people overlook the obvious things enough of the time, that suggesting the obvious thing is "at least somewhat useful".

Just like there's a reason tech support ask you whether your electr(on)ic device is plugged into the wall outlet when you say it's not working.

[conuly]

I'd appreciate it more if it didn't happen every single time I call her to ask where such-and-fuch is, and if it never, as it happened, was in the obvious location, and if I hadn't always checked the obvious location first.

I'm not "people". I'm her own sister, she knows me, and several months of consistent evidence that she doesn't have to discount the obvious with me anymore really ought to count for something.

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'd go with the shocked sounding "Its not in/on/by the *insert place*?!?!" if I think maybe sorta it may have been overlooked, lol.

[concordantnexus.livejournal.com]

There's a semi-famous (for Polish people anyway) children's poem about a

Mister Hilary who tears apart the house looking for his glasses.

Turns out that he was wearing them the whole time. :p

8)

[conuly]

I once wore my glasses in the shower and, despite the presence of water droplets in my vision, couldn't figure out where the heck they were.

But it's been ages since I've misplaced my glasses.

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

Worst thing to do is lose your glasses. Because then you can't see to find them!!!

The day I got my contacts, the guy took my old glasses to try to get some crazy glue off the lenses. When he came back, of course, I automatically put them on, and CRAP I know what everyone else feels when they put on my glasses. OWIE HEADACHE!!!!

[rachelkachel]

I don't know, someone brought in their camera today saying it wasn't working, and I tried changing the batteries - you know, just in case - and that fixed it. It's annoying if you have thought of the obvious things but it saves a lot of time if you haven't.

[conuly]

It just seems to me like there's a polite way to do that, and a way that screams "I think you're a total incompetent".

[rachelkachel]

Well, sure. I guess I didn't really catch that part of your post.

[conuly]

It was a bit subtle.

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean -- it drives me crazy too! Ken used to do that all the time. "Have you seen my car keys?" "Did you look on the hook by the door?"

Grrrr. If they were on the hook by the door, would I be asking?!?!?!

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

I find that sort of thing irritating too. When I ask "Have you seen my keys?" or "Do you know where the stapler is?", these are simple yes-or-no questions, not requests for a tutorial in How To Search For Things.

It's an ego-thing, like the inability to ask for directions when lost. They can't admit the truth - that they don't know - because "I don't know" is punished in childhood. So what you get is a crossed transaction (www.cultsock.ndirect.co.uk/MUHome/cshtml/ta/ta_trans.html) - you asked an Adult question of another Adult, but it was interpreted by the other person as a Parent-to-Child transaction, so they defend themselves by replying with a Parent-to-Child transaction.

[ratkrycek.livejournal.com]

Thing of it is, in my experience - you'd be surprised at how often people have overlooked the obvious place/detail/answer. Just sayin'.

[deceptica]

I agree with that. I've also been told to look in the obvious place, looked again more thoroughly and then realised that I missed it the first time. For example.

[pne.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

Funny thing is, I would have thought that you (Conny), of all people, would appreciate such questions, because sometimes people do forget and I would have thought your reaction would not be "HOLY SHIT! I TOTALLY FORGOT THE CLOSET! My god, I was checking the fridge and behind the toilet instead! Thank you so much for that terrific advice, Jenn!" or even "How incompetent do you think I am?" (i.e. interpret the suggestion as an accusation) but "Yes, thank you, I did check there" (i.e. interpret the suggestion at face value, no emotional baggage attached).

Jeez. Let's all try giving at least somewhat useful advice. Like stuff people might actually not have considered already.

The thing is, we're not mind readers, and enough people overlook the obvious things enough of the time, that suggesting the obvious thing is "at least somewhat useful".

Just like there's a reason tech support ask you whether your electr(on)ic device is plugged into the wall outlet when you say it's not working.

[conuly]

I'd appreciate it more if it didn't happen every single time I call her to ask where such-and-fuch is, and if it never, as it happened, was in the obvious location, and if I hadn't always checked the obvious location first.

I'm not "people". I'm her own sister, she knows me, and several months of consistent evidence that she doesn't have to discount the obvious with me anymore really ought to count for something.

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'd go with the shocked sounding "Its not in/on/by the *insert place*?!?!" if I think maybe sorta it may have been overlooked, lol.