Aaaargh!

[conuly]

Today, Ana had a tantrum (which is completely understandable, she was tired, and she's still recovering. But she's never allowed to claw my eyes out. Never ever!), after which we talked for a long time about how we should try not to hit people when we're angry, that sort of thing.

This conversation must've stuck in Ana's mind, because when she threw another tantrum on the boat, and I was hoisting her onto a seat to sit and calm down, she suddenly yelled, loud and clear "Don't hit me, Connie!"

For all the world like I just spend my time beating her up, right?

This is an object lesson on the whole "We find better ways to be angry" concept, because I really wanted to smack her after she said that, I was that angry.

(Not as angry as I was later when, while Ana's still complaining about her tantrum, the previously sane person next to me offers her some candy. What, as a reward for yelling and kicking the chair for the past 10 minutes? Last thing Ana needed was a hefty dose of sugar and artifical coloring....)

Comments

On the candy thing

[duponthumanite.livejournal.com]

You should have had the candy for coping with her!

Adelaide

Re: On the candy thing

[conuly]

Chocolate. I could've used some chocolate.

I have sympathy for her, she's still sick. And young. I just don't always want to have sympathy for her.

Re: On the candy thing

[duponthumanite.livejournal.com]

You mean, when she's 23 and still pulling things like this?

Chocolate would have been good in that situation.

Adelaide

[wodhaund.livejournal.com]

Kids have this amazing talent for yelling exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time.

[conuly]

Oh, god, yes. So I just kinda shouted-without-shouting "Ana, I'm not hitting you" and put her more firmly in her seat to (as I announced to the world) Have a Time-Out.

you know kids.

[keladrian.livejournal.com]

I know you don't hit kids. I also agree to you getting chocolate. Maybe if I go to Germany I will get you some chocolate from there. How does that sound? You were really good at handling that situation.

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

I never hit Meredith. Never. Oh, she was discplined quite well -- time-outs galore, temporary loss of possessions, suspension of privileges. But never hit.

That didn't stop her from occasionally calling out with fear in her voice, "Mommy, don't hit me!" when she did something wrong. In public, of course. They do it in the hope of embarrassing you into immobility, so you'll be so busy cooing "Sweetheart! I never hit you! Why did you say that?" that you'll forget about the transgression.

When Meredith got older I'd embarrass her (usually, though not always, unintentionally). She'd say "Mo-om!", and I'd just laugh and tell her, "Paybacks are hell." =evil grin=

[conuly]

Well, I can believe that some children are actually scared when you do that. I used to have meltdowns as a kid (and still do, but with much less frequency), and I was honestly scared I was going to die, that somehow the people would kill me, the people generally being my parents. There was no reason for this, logically - my parents had never harmed me, and certainly weren't harboring murderous thoughts towards me - but I still felt it.

I believe Ana was having an illness-induced tantrum, not a meltdown. I could be wrong, but it seemed like a tantrum. The two appear similar, but they're not the same. She's had things in the past which appear to me to have been meltdowns, a complete loss of control. Scary stuff, inside and out.

But even if she was just having a tantrum, I can believe she was honestly scared I might hit her. I was upset with her, hitting is something people do when they're upset, it's certainly something she does when she's upset, maybe I'd hit her. I wouldn't (and certainly not in public, and *especially* not once she said that... guess it served its purpose!), but I can see it being an actual, non-manipulative thought.

On the candy thing

[duponthumanite.livejournal.com]

You should have had the candy for coping with her!

Adelaide

Re: On the candy thing

[conuly]

Chocolate. I could've used some chocolate.

I have sympathy for her, she's still sick. And young. I just don't always want to have sympathy for her.

Re: On the candy thing

[duponthumanite.livejournal.com]

You mean, when she's 23 and still pulling things like this?

Chocolate would have been good in that situation.

Adelaide

[wodhaund.livejournal.com]

Kids have this amazing talent for yelling exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time.

[conuly]

Oh, god, yes. So I just kinda shouted-without-shouting "Ana, I'm not hitting you" and put her more firmly in her seat to (as I announced to the world) Have a Time-Out.

you know kids.

[keladrian.livejournal.com]

I know you don't hit kids. I also agree to you getting chocolate. Maybe if I go to Germany I will get you some chocolate from there. How does that sound? You were really good at handling that situation.

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

I never hit Meredith. Never. Oh, she was discplined quite well -- time-outs galore, temporary loss of possessions, suspension of privileges. But never hit.

That didn't stop her from occasionally calling out with fear in her voice, "Mommy, don't hit me!" when she did something wrong. In public, of course. They do it in the hope of embarrassing you into immobility, so you'll be so busy cooing "Sweetheart! I never hit you! Why did you say that?" that you'll forget about the transgression.

When Meredith got older I'd embarrass her (usually, though not always, unintentionally). She'd say "Mo-om!", and I'd just laugh and tell her, "Paybacks are hell." =evil grin=

[conuly]

Well, I can believe that some children are actually scared when you do that. I used to have meltdowns as a kid (and still do, but with much less frequency), and I was honestly scared I was going to die, that somehow the people would kill me, the people generally being my parents. There was no reason for this, logically - my parents had never harmed me, and certainly weren't harboring murderous thoughts towards me - but I still felt it.

I believe Ana was having an illness-induced tantrum, not a meltdown. I could be wrong, but it seemed like a tantrum. The two appear similar, but they're not the same. She's had things in the past which appear to me to have been meltdowns, a complete loss of control. Scary stuff, inside and out.

But even if she was just having a tantrum, I can believe she was honestly scared I might hit her. I was upset with her, hitting is something people do when they're upset, it's certainly something she does when she's upset, maybe I'd hit her. I wouldn't (and certainly not in public, and *especially* not once she said that... guess it served its purpose!), but I can see it being an actual, non-manipulative thought.