My rants are cyclical, have you noticed?
Apr. 21st, 2006 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
Now it's time for my rant about "Parents know what's best" again.
I hate that phrase, I really do.
Why?
Because it's wrong.
Parents *don't* always know what's best for their kids. This should be self-evident. If they did, we'd never get cases where one parent molested their child while the other denied it. We'd never get any sort of child abuse, in fact. Childrearing manuals wouldn't sell. Heck, we'd never even get times where two perfectly loving, involved parents disagreed on how to raise the same child!
But of course this stuff happens, and why? Because parents of human children are, generally, humans. Giving birth (or however you became a parent) doesn't endow you with mystical powers to know the best thing in every situation. And that means parents make mistakes, like everybody else. I can think back in my childhood to things my parents did, with the best of intentions, that I think were mistakes. And they were good parents, too. But like everyone else in the world, they made mistakes.
No, as I've said before, the best you can hope for is that you want to do what's best for your kids. And, unfortunately, some people don't even manage that. I don't think this applies to anybody I know - by this time, I'm talking more hypothetically.
We all know parents who *believe* they want what's best for their kids, but they've got one or two things which clearly, they're doing for themselves. Maybe they keep pushing their kid who hates sports into playing 15 different sports, because they always wished their dad would push them into sports. Maybe they work much longer hours than they have to because they prefer their kid have the most expensive clothes, when the kid might honestly prefer to see their parents a bit more. Who knows? Really, who cares? There's no use judging people making honest mistakes - or, if you're going to judge them, it's no use telling them. That just makes them less likely to change. Anyway, it's not like I'm talking to a bunch of perfect people.
That's not even counting people who more blatantly don't care for their kids - abusers and whatnot. Whether or not they know what's best for their kids, they're not providing it.
Parents: Often, they know what's best for their kids. Usually, they want what's best for their kids. Occasionally, other people can have valuable insight as to what's best for somebody else's kids. Get off your high horse and listen before deciding you've been insulted. Even if you don't take the advice, it's not like you've lost anything by listening first. This information is useful for the general public as well.
Everyone else: Stop insulting people until *after* you've made an effort to change their minds. It's a waste of time, and it's actively harmful. Knock it off. This information is useful for everyone.
I hate that phrase, I really do.
Why?
Because it's wrong.
Parents *don't* always know what's best for their kids. This should be self-evident. If they did, we'd never get cases where one parent molested their child while the other denied it. We'd never get any sort of child abuse, in fact. Childrearing manuals wouldn't sell. Heck, we'd never even get times where two perfectly loving, involved parents disagreed on how to raise the same child!
But of course this stuff happens, and why? Because parents of human children are, generally, humans. Giving birth (or however you became a parent) doesn't endow you with mystical powers to know the best thing in every situation. And that means parents make mistakes, like everybody else. I can think back in my childhood to things my parents did, with the best of intentions, that I think were mistakes. And they were good parents, too. But like everyone else in the world, they made mistakes.
No, as I've said before, the best you can hope for is that you want to do what's best for your kids. And, unfortunately, some people don't even manage that. I don't think this applies to anybody I know - by this time, I'm talking more hypothetically.
We all know parents who *believe* they want what's best for their kids, but they've got one or two things which clearly, they're doing for themselves. Maybe they keep pushing their kid who hates sports into playing 15 different sports, because they always wished their dad would push them into sports. Maybe they work much longer hours than they have to because they prefer their kid have the most expensive clothes, when the kid might honestly prefer to see their parents a bit more. Who knows? Really, who cares? There's no use judging people making honest mistakes - or, if you're going to judge them, it's no use telling them. That just makes them less likely to change. Anyway, it's not like I'm talking to a bunch of perfect people.
That's not even counting people who more blatantly don't care for their kids - abusers and whatnot. Whether or not they know what's best for their kids, they're not providing it.
Parents: Often, they know what's best for their kids. Usually, they want what's best for their kids. Occasionally, other people can have valuable insight as to what's best for somebody else's kids. Get off your high horse and listen before deciding you've been insulted. Even if you don't take the advice, it's not like you've lost anything by listening first. This information is useful for the general public as well.
Everyone else: Stop insulting people until *after* you've made an effort to change their minds. It's a waste of time, and it's actively harmful. Knock it off. This information is useful for everyone.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Parents and self-interest
Date: 2006-04-22 06:49 am (UTC)Being a parent doesn't magically remove you from the realm of self-interest.
Torey Hayden has a good line in this regard about Frostie Flakes and maturity.
I'm surprised with what good will parents will take my advice and my thoughts. I always think I might be flamed or something else like that. They must have reached a great level of maturity and flexibility.
Adelaide
Parents and self-interest
Date: 2006-04-22 06:49 am (UTC)Being a parent doesn't magically remove you from the realm of self-interest.
Torey Hayden has a good line in this regard about Frostie Flakes and maturity.
I'm surprised with what good will parents will take my advice and my thoughts. I always think I might be flamed or something else like that. They must have reached a great level of maturity and flexibility.
Adelaide