Why do people do this?
Mar. 6th, 2006 12:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
Not that long ago, I had an epiphany. It struck me that Ana is going to be *three* in *May*. That's coming fast now!
And, with that said, and me anticipating another year (at least) of full-time babysitting, and then some, it hit me: I don't want to spend my life playing fetch-and-carry for this child. Ana can fill up her own glass of water in the bathroom sink. She's good at it, doesn't spill.
So often, when she asks me for a cup of water, I hand her her scooby cup and tell her to have at it. Oh, and to say please. She doesn't say please nearly as consistently as I'd like.
With the success of this scheme, I moved it into other areas. When we go to the BCM, and she wants to play in the water area, she can: get a smock off the hook, put the smock on (about half the time, the other half of the time she can ask me for help and I'll help her), push up her sleeves (I roll them properly after she's pushed them up a bit), fasten her smock, take her smock off when she's done, and (about half the time) put the smock back up on the hook.
Of course, she doesn't do this on her own yet - I remind her "Ana, put your smock on first. Right, did you remember to roll up your sleeves? Do you need help?" and on.
I've got no complaints from the Anabanana. Here's what gets me. A lot of times, after I tell Ana she needs a smock on before she goes in the water, and to "get a smock and put it on" (those exact words), somebody will, before Ana even has a chance to *try* to put the smock on, take a smock down and put it on her for her.
Why the hell do they do that? Do they think I'm going to tell this kid to do something she can't do? Because I'm not. It's silly, and a waste of time. Do they think it's helpful to teach this kid that random strangers will do for her, when she's perfectly capable of doing things herself? Do they really think I'm just being lazy? (Well, I mean, I am, but I have a hifalutin' excuse of "it's good for her" to back me up.)
Because it's really starting to annoy me. Guys. Ana? She's nearly three. She can do a lot of things all by herself, and I assure you, it doesn't do anybody any good to act otherwise.
Not that you are the ones doing this, but I have no idea how to call these other people out on it. What do I say? "Stop helping my niece RIGHT NOW, or you get a time-out!"? Somehow, I don't think that'd go over well....
(Speaking of time-outs, I'm experimenting, with Jenn's approval, with giving Ana informal "until you calm down" time-outs. I think it's working - she calms down a lot faster, and for longer. This can only be good. But I'm really doing it because I'm too lazy to watch a clock.)
Edit: This isn't a new thing. It's related to the people who act stunned that the kid can throw out her own garbage when told to (or even of her own volition, because she knows what garbage is and where it goes); that she can ask for a tissue, blow her nose, and throw it out *all by herself*; that she can unzip her jacket and take it off (she usually unzips it just most of the way and steps out of it, but I don't care); that she can hold onto a subway pole (okay, maybe this one is a little more unusual).
I don't think Ana is all that far ahead of other children her age in these abilities. I think that there's a lot of people, including people who ought to know better, who just underestimate children. And that's a sad thing.
And, with that said, and me anticipating another year (at least) of full-time babysitting, and then some, it hit me: I don't want to spend my life playing fetch-and-carry for this child. Ana can fill up her own glass of water in the bathroom sink. She's good at it, doesn't spill.
So often, when she asks me for a cup of water, I hand her her scooby cup and tell her to have at it. Oh, and to say please. She doesn't say please nearly as consistently as I'd like.
With the success of this scheme, I moved it into other areas. When we go to the BCM, and she wants to play in the water area, she can: get a smock off the hook, put the smock on (about half the time, the other half of the time she can ask me for help and I'll help her), push up her sleeves (I roll them properly after she's pushed them up a bit), fasten her smock, take her smock off when she's done, and (about half the time) put the smock back up on the hook.
Of course, she doesn't do this on her own yet - I remind her "Ana, put your smock on first. Right, did you remember to roll up your sleeves? Do you need help?" and on.
I've got no complaints from the Anabanana. Here's what gets me. A lot of times, after I tell Ana she needs a smock on before she goes in the water, and to "get a smock and put it on" (those exact words), somebody will, before Ana even has a chance to *try* to put the smock on, take a smock down and put it on her for her.
Why the hell do they do that? Do they think I'm going to tell this kid to do something she can't do? Because I'm not. It's silly, and a waste of time. Do they think it's helpful to teach this kid that random strangers will do for her, when she's perfectly capable of doing things herself? Do they really think I'm just being lazy? (Well, I mean, I am, but I have a hifalutin' excuse of "it's good for her" to back me up.)
Because it's really starting to annoy me. Guys. Ana? She's nearly three. She can do a lot of things all by herself, and I assure you, it doesn't do anybody any good to act otherwise.
Not that you are the ones doing this, but I have no idea how to call these other people out on it. What do I say? "Stop helping my niece RIGHT NOW, or you get a time-out!"? Somehow, I don't think that'd go over well....
(Speaking of time-outs, I'm experimenting, with Jenn's approval, with giving Ana informal "until you calm down" time-outs. I think it's working - she calms down a lot faster, and for longer. This can only be good. But I'm really doing it because I'm too lazy to watch a clock.)
Edit: This isn't a new thing. It's related to the people who act stunned that the kid can throw out her own garbage when told to (or even of her own volition, because she knows what garbage is and where it goes); that she can ask for a tissue, blow her nose, and throw it out *all by herself*; that she can unzip her jacket and take it off (she usually unzips it just most of the way and steps out of it, but I don't care); that she can hold onto a subway pole (okay, maybe this one is a little more unusual).
I don't think Ana is all that far ahead of other children her age in these abilities. I think that there's a lot of people, including people who ought to know better, who just underestimate children. And that's a sad thing.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-06 11:09 pm (UTC)But I'm also big on her standing up for herself. Mostly on the same realm of self-reliance. Some kid bumps her accidentally, I want her to at least *start* by telling them to say sorry, instead of telling me to tell them to say sorry. (Now, if that doesn't work, I've no qualms about stepping in. It's difficult. We all want her to stand up for herself, but we don't want her to think she can't come to adults for help, y'know?)
no subject
Date: 2006-03-07 12:51 am (UTC)We do that at daycare(hasn't come up with the cousins, since I don't see them all too often)...tell the kids to talk to each other and say what's wrong. One in particular *loves* to tell other kids that they are "too loud! you hurt my ears!" and if that doesn't shut them up, she says "sue! carrie! manda! aiden hurt my ears! no yelling at lunch!" All of the older ones are getting better at trying to solve their own problems, and for the most part the kids listen. if they don't, we step in and say something like "aiden, molly told you that you were hurting her ears. now you need to stop yelling and apologize." I think that sort of shows that we will back them up, but we want them to try themselves first. It doesn't make what they said any less important, just reminds the other kid that they have to listen. Depending on the situation, they need us to step in a lot less now, especially with sharing issues.