*sighs*

[conuly]

This is a mini-rantling about my life, so if you don't want to read, you don't have to....



Occasionally, in the past few (two) years, I've told other people about Asperger's (carefully not mentioning that I have a self-diagnosis). Quite a lot of the time, people say "no, you're normal! Or really, nobody's normal, so you're normal!" or "What is that? A type of autism? You can't be autistic blah blah blah"

Now, the first comment gets to me, because deep down, these people really don't believe there is no standard for normality, and the second one is based out of ignorance of either me or AS, so let's clear this all up now (and yeah, I know the relevant people won't read this, shut up).


It is NOT normal to be able to tell if somebody is stuffed up or not because when they exhale, you can smell their snot. The person in question wasn't even very stuffed up or else I'd've heard it, but I could smell it anyway.

It is NOT normal to hear the television, the cd player, the heater, and the computer when they are not on, merely plugged in.

Similarly, it doesn't seem to be normal to hear several different tones from the computer when it is on.

It's not normal to have to cut all your tags out of clothes before you can wear them, and to be restricted to primarily cotton in those clothes.

It is really not normal to spend the better part of the day sobbing because your mom suggested you could call the fuel guys if they didn't call you.

It's also not normal to then spend your week pretty much confined to the house (and your room) because you just don't. want. to go. outside. AT ALL. Building up your courage to leave your house is decidedly strange.

Not wanting to attend class because people from that class recognize you, and you don't recognize them, is also strange. So is actually not attending class because you missed the midterm and couldn't talk to the professor about it. Nobody else does these things, not that I know in real life, anyway. Those people are normal in that they do not deviate from the norm. In fact, they create it. Yes, that means that I am *not* normal. Wow. Big flipping deal. My feelings won't be hurt if you acknowledge that critical fact.

Comments

[xiggaroo.livejournal.com]

Who wants to be normal? Honestly? I don't really know what to say, besides if you weren't all those things, you wouldn't be the Connie I know and love, and there'd be a big ass part of missing in my life. You are who and what you are, try not to pay mind to those who want to confine you to 'normal.'

Did that make sense?

No?

Beh.

[conuly]

*huggrins* Yeah, normal is overrated. I knew that when I was in the third grade! But when I say "look, I'm not normal" and people tell me I'm wrong, it pisses me off. These people don't really know me, obviously, but they think they know me better than I do.

As for why I told them, eh, better than hearing "You're OCD! I took psych! I know everything about everything!" *smitesmitesmite*

[mhari.livejournal.com]

YES.

*memories for future reference*

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

I have ADHD-- it is nothing nearly so severe as AS, but I can definitely see where you're going with the "but you're so normal!" from people. I'm sorry, my PET scan came up with low glucose activity, and my behavior is positive for ADHD. People that really have this problem (or ADD) have more or less learned to cope and pretend to be normal by my age. Or these people don't know me very well, and they don't know how much work it is to actually accomplish anything-- even routine chores. They don't see me go to do laundry and wander out of the room to stare at the wall, or anything else that might just be considered "absent-mindedness."

I admit that I don't know much about Asperger's, but I know where you're coming from at least on the normalcy issue. But "nobody's normal" has to be the silliest "everyone is a unique snowflake!" piece of tripe I've ever heard. Standard deviation exists because there is a norm. I really think that's something to ensure that nobody's feelings get hurt. *snort*

[conuly]

But "nobody's normal" has to be the silliest "everyone is a unique snowflake!" piece of tripe I've ever heard. Standard deviation exists because there is a norm. I really think that's something to ensure that nobody's feelings get hurt. *snort*

Exactly. And if they actually believed it, I wouldn't say anything, but they don't. They get upset if I even *notice* that they're tapping their fingers or something, or they say "I'm just doing it to annoy you *grin*", because apparently, I shouldn't hear that. Or they stare at/disbelieve me when I say "I really type better than I speak". All sorts of things.

[conuly]

*grins*

Of course, the people in question don't know exactly how deep my oddities lie (I doubt they know about my sensitivity to smells, and I know they don't know about my current staying inside trend) but I'm fairly certain they know I'm not normal, they just don't want to admit to it.

I mean, seriously, if a bunch of third graders caught onto that when I was a little kid, college students can't be so blind.

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

The typing/speaking thing should be obvious to anyone who has experienced both with you. You're *so* much nicer and more sensitive to others online! :-p

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

On the staying-inside-thing, I think you actually do much better when you have school (or some other outside motivation) getting you outside on a near-daily basis.

[xiggaroo.livejournal.com]

Or they stare at/disbelieve me when I say "I really type better than I speak". All sorts of things.

Now are you saying this or typing it? :P

I tend to be more short online. Irl I'm so scared to offend people that I might have to deal with later that I rarely ever tell people off. Online however... ;)

[conuly]

*stares*

Can I smite thee, or do I have to wait until you MAKE MY SCHEDULE first?

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

Oops. *cringes* Sorry. Tomorrow I'm home, can you call me and we'll do it then? Unless you want to come over, but calling should be fine, possibly better.

[amarafox.livejournal.com]

I can relate with you. I don't have AS, but I have some not-normal traits, myself.

I talked to a counsellor about it and I am closer to 'normal' than I thought I was, but I thought for a while, during my darkest stage, that I had mild AS. it was just my mild depression and anxiety creeping into the danger zone which left me searching for an answer to my question. When I found the answer, I cried in relief and I've managed, through diet and location, to drag myself out. it IS still a battle to do some things.

On my list:

It isn't normal to fear a test pattern with a test beep.
It isn't normal to be as creepy weird as I was when i was a kid. I'd have probably been diagnosed with something, I outgrew it but I didn't fully outgrow that until i was around 24.
I, too, can hear the TV and stereo if they're plugged in and not on.
I have difficulties deciphering speech sometimes, but I have perfect hearing.
It isn't normal to have food taste headache triggers, or big texture issues. I'm very, very, very touch and texture oriented.

On the other end of the scale, I am easy going and I ahve a great deal of empathy. Sometimms I feel like it's too much.
I'm very scent based. Memories can trigger scents. I'm not kidding. it's the coolest thing. I can also look at, for exmple, a photograph of a rainforest and smell the dampness.

Can I join you in the land of not normal? :D

[conuly]

I'll call.

[aquamizuko.livejournal.com]

I can hear/sense that the TV is on even if there's no sound and such coming from it. :P

I'm never been officially diagnosed with anything, but I wouldn't be surprised if I have ADHD..

[conuly]

But there is sound coming from it. Electronics are always "running", even when they aren't on. There's a name for that, actually, but I don't know what it is. Anyway, that's how your computer keeps time when it's off, and also why your TV doesn't take time to boot up like your computer does, there's always some current running. It's just that most people either can't hear the noise of the current or can't hear it unless they listen.

[conuly]

Can I join you in the land of not normal? :D

Sure thing. There's a password: uxoricide. Be sure to visit our theme park before you leave, and if anyone asks, I sent you.

[staircase-wit.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be acknowledged as different then fluffed off as normal. It's not that I go around with a shirt anouncing I have autism (ok... I do, but only once a week, and it really doesn't announce that I have autism, only that autism is "different then you think"). I wouild rather that people understand why I'm weird.

At least (I hope) there's only one person out there screaming on a weekly basis that Asperger Syndrome simply does not exist.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

Ha! I type better than I speak too-- but it's because my brain is in overdrive and often holding about four conversations with itself. And I speak so quickly my tongue ties itself in knots. Okay, that really didn't have much bearing but I thought I was the only one with that problem.

"I'm just doing it to annoy you"? What the frick? How can you not hear someone tapping their nails? Is it really that bad to not be like everyone else? < sarcasm >Oh wait, I took psychology. Yes, yes it is evil and you need shock therapy. Of course! < /sarcasm >

[staircase-wit.livejournal.com]

I'd have to disagree with you on the "not nearly so severe." I've worked with an ADD co-worker, and she unnerves me the way I unnerve others. I can't leave a task half-finished, and she can't finish it. It's a messy combination.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

Ah. Yeah, I'm a bit of a slob... I get insanely compulsive about some things and have to finish but most jobs... it's not quite procrastination. The best way to explain ADHD is "six trains of thought all at once, with enough neurons to obsess over at least two of them." At least in my experience.

Though so many people "have" ADD that people don't take me seriously, or they think I have some other problem. Because ADD kids are just obnoxious slackers without any problem at all. Then you hop them up on speed.

[conuly]

*gigglesnorts* Okay, sorry, the shirt thing is making me laugh.

Sheesh, no, Asperger Syndrome doesn't exist, we're all a bunch of psychosomatic little fucks, starting when we're babies. *rolls her eyes loudly*

[xiggaroo.livejournal.com]

Who wants to be normal? Honestly? I don't really know what to say, besides if you weren't all those things, you wouldn't be the Connie I know and love, and there'd be a big ass part of missing in my life. You are who and what you are, try not to pay mind to those who want to confine you to 'normal.'

Did that make sense?

No?

Beh.

[conuly]

*huggrins* Yeah, normal is overrated. I knew that when I was in the third grade! But when I say "look, I'm not normal" and people tell me I'm wrong, it pisses me off. These people don't really know me, obviously, but they think they know me better than I do.

As for why I told them, eh, better than hearing "You're OCD! I took psych! I know everything about everything!" *smitesmitesmite*

[mhari.livejournal.com]

YES.

*memories for future reference*

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

I have ADHD-- it is nothing nearly so severe as AS, but I can definitely see where you're going with the "but you're so normal!" from people. I'm sorry, my PET scan came up with low glucose activity, and my behavior is positive for ADHD. People that really have this problem (or ADD) have more or less learned to cope and pretend to be normal by my age. Or these people don't know me very well, and they don't know how much work it is to actually accomplish anything-- even routine chores. They don't see me go to do laundry and wander out of the room to stare at the wall, or anything else that might just be considered "absent-mindedness."

I admit that I don't know much about Asperger's, but I know where you're coming from at least on the normalcy issue. But "nobody's normal" has to be the silliest "everyone is a unique snowflake!" piece of tripe I've ever heard. Standard deviation exists because there is a norm. I really think that's something to ensure that nobody's feelings get hurt. *snort*

[conuly]

But "nobody's normal" has to be the silliest "everyone is a unique snowflake!" piece of tripe I've ever heard. Standard deviation exists because there is a norm. I really think that's something to ensure that nobody's feelings get hurt. *snort*

Exactly. And if they actually believed it, I wouldn't say anything, but they don't. They get upset if I even *notice* that they're tapping their fingers or something, or they say "I'm just doing it to annoy you *grin*", because apparently, I shouldn't hear that. Or they stare at/disbelieve me when I say "I really type better than I speak". All sorts of things.

[conuly]

*grins*

Of course, the people in question don't know exactly how deep my oddities lie (I doubt they know about my sensitivity to smells, and I know they don't know about my current staying inside trend) but I'm fairly certain they know I'm not normal, they just don't want to admit to it.

I mean, seriously, if a bunch of third graders caught onto that when I was a little kid, college students can't be so blind.

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

The typing/speaking thing should be obvious to anyone who has experienced both with you. You're *so* much nicer and more sensitive to others online! :-p

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

On the staying-inside-thing, I think you actually do much better when you have school (or some other outside motivation) getting you outside on a near-daily basis.

[xiggaroo.livejournal.com]

Or they stare at/disbelieve me when I say "I really type better than I speak". All sorts of things.

Now are you saying this or typing it? :P

I tend to be more short online. Irl I'm so scared to offend people that I might have to deal with later that I rarely ever tell people off. Online however... ;)

[conuly]

*stares*

Can I smite thee, or do I have to wait until you MAKE MY SCHEDULE first?

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

Oops. *cringes* Sorry. Tomorrow I'm home, can you call me and we'll do it then? Unless you want to come over, but calling should be fine, possibly better.

[amarafox.livejournal.com]

I can relate with you. I don't have AS, but I have some not-normal traits, myself.

I talked to a counsellor about it and I am closer to 'normal' than I thought I was, but I thought for a while, during my darkest stage, that I had mild AS. it was just my mild depression and anxiety creeping into the danger zone which left me searching for an answer to my question. When I found the answer, I cried in relief and I've managed, through diet and location, to drag myself out. it IS still a battle to do some things.

On my list:

It isn't normal to fear a test pattern with a test beep.
It isn't normal to be as creepy weird as I was when i was a kid. I'd have probably been diagnosed with something, I outgrew it but I didn't fully outgrow that until i was around 24.
I, too, can hear the TV and stereo if they're plugged in and not on.
I have difficulties deciphering speech sometimes, but I have perfect hearing.
It isn't normal to have food taste headache triggers, or big texture issues. I'm very, very, very touch and texture oriented.

On the other end of the scale, I am easy going and I ahve a great deal of empathy. Sometimms I feel like it's too much.
I'm very scent based. Memories can trigger scents. I'm not kidding. it's the coolest thing. I can also look at, for exmple, a photograph of a rainforest and smell the dampness.

Can I join you in the land of not normal? :D

[conuly]

I'll call.

[aquamizuko.livejournal.com]

I can hear/sense that the TV is on even if there's no sound and such coming from it. :P

I'm never been officially diagnosed with anything, but I wouldn't be surprised if I have ADHD..

[conuly]

But there is sound coming from it. Electronics are always "running", even when they aren't on. There's a name for that, actually, but I don't know what it is. Anyway, that's how your computer keeps time when it's off, and also why your TV doesn't take time to boot up like your computer does, there's always some current running. It's just that most people either can't hear the noise of the current or can't hear it unless they listen.

[conuly]

Can I join you in the land of not normal? :D

Sure thing. There's a password: uxoricide. Be sure to visit our theme park before you leave, and if anyone asks, I sent you.

[staircase-wit.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be acknowledged as different then fluffed off as normal. It's not that I go around with a shirt anouncing I have autism (ok... I do, but only once a week, and it really doesn't announce that I have autism, only that autism is "different then you think"). I wouild rather that people understand why I'm weird.

At least (I hope) there's only one person out there screaming on a weekly basis that Asperger Syndrome simply does not exist.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

Ha! I type better than I speak too-- but it's because my brain is in overdrive and often holding about four conversations with itself. And I speak so quickly my tongue ties itself in knots. Okay, that really didn't have much bearing but I thought I was the only one with that problem.

"I'm just doing it to annoy you"? What the frick? How can you not hear someone tapping their nails? Is it really that bad to not be like everyone else? < sarcasm >Oh wait, I took psychology. Yes, yes it is evil and you need shock therapy. Of course! < /sarcasm >

[staircase-wit.livejournal.com]

I'd have to disagree with you on the "not nearly so severe." I've worked with an ADD co-worker, and she unnerves me the way I unnerve others. I can't leave a task half-finished, and she can't finish it. It's a messy combination.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

Ah. Yeah, I'm a bit of a slob... I get insanely compulsive about some things and have to finish but most jobs... it's not quite procrastination. The best way to explain ADHD is "six trains of thought all at once, with enough neurons to obsess over at least two of them." At least in my experience.

Though so many people "have" ADD that people don't take me seriously, or they think I have some other problem. Because ADD kids are just obnoxious slackers without any problem at all. Then you hop them up on speed.

[conuly]

*gigglesnorts* Okay, sorry, the shirt thing is making me laugh.

Sheesh, no, Asperger Syndrome doesn't exist, we're all a bunch of psychosomatic little fucks, starting when we're babies. *rolls her eyes loudly*

[codeman38.livejournal.com]

Another here for whom typing is easier than speaking... I tend to stumble over my words far too often when I'm speaking.

[codeman38.livejournal.com]

Yep. I'm somewhere on the border of ADHD and AS (well, some people say that they're on the same continuum, anyway...) Certain noises irritate me; I can hear a TV that's on but showing a blank screen; certain food combinations I just can't eat; I have difficulty making out speech (sometimes I wish there were subtitles in real life!)...

Eh, forget the specific diagnosis; I think "not normal" is all that matters. ;-)

[codeman38.livejournal.com]

Another here for whom typing is easier than speaking... I tend to stumble over my words far too often when I'm speaking.

[codeman38.livejournal.com]

Yep. I'm somewhere on the border of ADHD and AS (well, some people say that they're on the same continuum, anyway...) Certain noises irritate me; I can hear a TV that's on but showing a blank screen; certain food combinations I just can't eat; I have difficulty making out speech (sometimes I wish there were subtitles in real life!)...

Eh, forget the specific diagnosis; I think "not normal" is all that matters. ;-)

[codeman38.livejournal.com]

Try having to put up with a combination of AS and ADD. O_o

[codeman38.livejournal.com]

Try having to put up with a combination of AS and ADD. O_o