Ew, ew, ew.

[conuly]

I honestly have no idea how Xiggy finds this stuff.

This one is going to be recorded for posterity. I can just see the potential in this site to really creep me out....

Our little ones learn everything from us: conversation, facial expression, habits, attitudes etc... What kind of mommy and wife is your little girl learning to be?

Already I can see this is going to be wince-inducing.

“Wock-a-bwy-baby...” Ryshoni Joy croons to her baby doll as she rocks in her own little oak rocker next to mine. The baby doll’s bald, ink-stained head is stuffed under Rysha’s shirt (nursing) and is wrapped in a borrowed blanket of Honey Sunny’s. Honey Sunny (Hannah Sunshine, 8 weeks old) is in a similar state of bliss in my own arms as I rock, and sing, and nurse. We burp our babies, change dirty diapers, and tuck our babies in bed. Rysha is 19 months old and learning to be a Mommy.

That's what Ana does. Except her name is a little better than Ryshoni Joy. And we don't use her full name. Yes, I'm snide. Oh, and we don't say that Ana is "learning to be a Mommy". For one thing, mommy in that context isn't a proper noun, so it doesn't take a capital. For another, we just say she's pretending to be a grown-up. When we catch her sweeping the floor like her dad, we don't say she's learning to be a daddy. When she runs around pinching people's noses after I sing the Sixpence song, we don't say she's learning to be an aunt. When she barks, or rubs her head against your leg and goes "mrow" (I taught her that!), we don't say she's learning to not be human. Children learn to be adults. Roles are things they learn later.

Everything I do these days is of extreme interest to my little girl. My actions tell her what to expect in life and how to function successfully. I find her eyes on me when I brush my hair, rub lotion on my hands, and wrap a scarf around my head. Five minutes later, I’ll find her with a towel wrapped around her head and my bottle of lotion in her hands (hopefully not open, with lotion all over the place).

The other day, Daddy sat down on the couch, and Rysha climbed up beside him. She rubbed his head, put her arm around him, and started murmuring endearments in such a “mommy way,” we both burst out laughing. Rysha had learned how Mommy treats Daddy, and was practicing.

The way she says that is already creepifying, though I know what she means.

Later in the day when Daddy commanded her to do something, and she just looked at him blankly without moving, I felt a pang of remorse; had she learned that from me, too? I suddenly realized just how much my little girl is gleaning from her mama.

And here it comes. First off, commanded is a bit of a laden word, isn't it? I mean, normally, don't people say they "told" their toddler to do something? Secondly - the implication here is clear. Daddy gets to boss Mommy around. Ick. Ew. Shudder.

Our little ones learn everything from us: conversation, facial expression, habits, attitudes, posture, etc... By the time they are 19 months old, they have mostly become who they are going to be.

What kind of mommy and wife is your little girl learning to be?

Aside from the fact that I don't believe your personality is completely set before you are two years old, I just... I hope Ana is growing up to be the adult woman who continues in her very intelligent path, is caring and sensitive, and doesn't think she ought to get bossed around.

Of course, her parents aren't, as near as I can tell, raising her that way because that's not what they believe. I'm still surprised when I realize that some people today believe that way. It squicks me out. Not that much more than the other articles here I'm seeing. Note to self: If I ever have kids, this isn't how I'm raising them. (Odds of having kids is slim, due to feelings about responsibility, other people in general, and adoption, but very little is impossible. Personally, unless Jenn or Lizziey suddenly died, though, I'd rather just be an aunt. More fun, and I get to give them back when I'm bored.)

Comments

[innerbrat]

Eeeeew!

I'm so glad my mother raised me to be a person, not a mummy.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I'm glad my parents have a good relationship, and I had a good childhood, and that helped make me be a good wife and mother.

We have women today having babies who are so clueless as to what it entails to have a child, to raise a child, and they just keep passing it on.

Maybe learning to be a mommy (and spouse if that's how it works, and honestly I think that is ideal to have a two parent family) isn't such a scary bad thing. Especially since the lack of my generation's moms breastfeeding may have something to do with the difficulty we have doing the same.

[conuly]

See, it's not the "she's learning to be a mommy" idea that squicks me out (and agreed on the breastfeeding), it's the fact that when she isn't instantly obedient to her dad, this is "something she learned from [her mom]".

Though the fact that it's assumed she'll grow up to be a "wife and mommy" and that toddlerhood is the time to learn how to be specifically a wife and mom, not just an adult is a bit off.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I am not sure how I feel about the assuming she will be a wife and mommy bit, but I don't think the writer meant that toddlerhood is the ONLY time to learn that, but just a start of it all. (Especially since I do know a bit about families like that.)

I'd be happy if my daughter was a wife and mother, (and anything else she might want to be) and same if my boys had families as well. I wouldn't shun them if it didn't happen that way, but knowing at least 2 of my kids, I think they'd do best in a long term/permanent committed relationship and perhaps children -- the foundation of all that is something I can see already.

As for the youngest, he's not very verbal, and he's got an extremely different personality, and if it goes this way as he continues to grow, him, I could see staying on his own.

Of course none of this is set in stone but it's something to muse about...

[conuly]

I didn't say she thought it was the only time to learn that - that would be creepier than anything, considering what it might imply in the hands of the sufficiently icky - but that I think that teaching your kids to be a specific job in toddlerhood is a bit much. They're learning to be adults. Isn't that enough? When your little kid plays making mud pies, that doesn't mean they're learning to cook, even if they're imitating people cooking.

[davidkevin.livejournal.com]

You have to remember that babies and toddlers are incredibly imitative; it's how they learn at that stage of development.

True story: I used to play with my kids when they were babies by play-gripping their faces with my hand, sing-songing "Aliens got your face! Aliens got your face!" They'd giggle and smile at me.

When Ryan was about nine months old I did that and, to my dumbfounded amazement, he reached up, placed his little palm on the tip of my nose, smiled, and said (long 'a', short 'ah', long 'a') "A ga fa!"

Yep. My son's first words were not 'Dada' or 'Mama', but a baby version of "Aliens got your face!"

[conuly]

Yep. My son's first words were not 'Dada' or 'Mama', but a baby version of "Aliens got your face!"

*cracks up*

Oh, that's priceless.

Ana's first words were "Good. Girl!", but she didn't repeat the phrase for months and months.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I still can't forget when Dan taught our daughter to say "The voices in my head won't let me sleep at night" when she was rather young...

[conuly]

I wish Jenn would let me do that....

But noooooo. I can't have any fun with my own niece...

(I did encourage her to "what's that" everything, but it kinda backfired as it mostly seems to annoy me.)

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

Sadly, the only child-corrupting I've gotten to do it mehndi`ing the Key To Hell on the shin of a kid a friend of mine was nannying (what is the proper verb for that?), and the time friends visited with their two-day-old daughter and we had her grip the hilt of my then-husband's wakizashi.

Sadly, I have no photos of either.

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

Best first words ever.

[amarafox.livejournal.com]

I feel dirty having just read that *scrubscrubscrub*

[fledchen.livejournal.com]

I'd bet this family is from Utah...

[elfster.livejournal.com]

Ew, just ew.

I'm so glad my mother wasn't like that.

[marveen.livejournal.com]

You're right. "Commanded" makes me twitchy, as is the gooey-eyed assumption that of COURSE little Rye is going to be a wife and "Mommy", what else would she be?

[innerbrat]

Eeeeew!

I'm so glad my mother raised me to be a person, not a mummy.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I'm glad my parents have a good relationship, and I had a good childhood, and that helped make me be a good wife and mother.

We have women today having babies who are so clueless as to what it entails to have a child, to raise a child, and they just keep passing it on.

Maybe learning to be a mommy (and spouse if that's how it works, and honestly I think that is ideal to have a two parent family) isn't such a scary bad thing. Especially since the lack of my generation's moms breastfeeding may have something to do with the difficulty we have doing the same.

[conuly]

See, it's not the "she's learning to be a mommy" idea that squicks me out (and agreed on the breastfeeding), it's the fact that when she isn't instantly obedient to her dad, this is "something she learned from [her mom]".

Though the fact that it's assumed she'll grow up to be a "wife and mommy" and that toddlerhood is the time to learn how to be specifically a wife and mom, not just an adult is a bit off.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I am not sure how I feel about the assuming she will be a wife and mommy bit, but I don't think the writer meant that toddlerhood is the ONLY time to learn that, but just a start of it all. (Especially since I do know a bit about families like that.)

I'd be happy if my daughter was a wife and mother, (and anything else she might want to be) and same if my boys had families as well. I wouldn't shun them if it didn't happen that way, but knowing at least 2 of my kids, I think they'd do best in a long term/permanent committed relationship and perhaps children -- the foundation of all that is something I can see already.

As for the youngest, he's not very verbal, and he's got an extremely different personality, and if it goes this way as he continues to grow, him, I could see staying on his own.

Of course none of this is set in stone but it's something to muse about...

[conuly]

I didn't say she thought it was the only time to learn that - that would be creepier than anything, considering what it might imply in the hands of the sufficiently icky - but that I think that teaching your kids to be a specific job in toddlerhood is a bit much. They're learning to be adults. Isn't that enough? When your little kid plays making mud pies, that doesn't mean they're learning to cook, even if they're imitating people cooking.

[davidkevin.livejournal.com]

You have to remember that babies and toddlers are incredibly imitative; it's how they learn at that stage of development.

True story: I used to play with my kids when they were babies by play-gripping their faces with my hand, sing-songing "Aliens got your face! Aliens got your face!" They'd giggle and smile at me.

When Ryan was about nine months old I did that and, to my dumbfounded amazement, he reached up, placed his little palm on the tip of my nose, smiled, and said (long 'a', short 'ah', long 'a') "A ga fa!"

Yep. My son's first words were not 'Dada' or 'Mama', but a baby version of "Aliens got your face!"

[conuly]

Yep. My son's first words were not 'Dada' or 'Mama', but a baby version of "Aliens got your face!"

*cracks up*

Oh, that's priceless.

Ana's first words were "Good. Girl!", but she didn't repeat the phrase for months and months.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I still can't forget when Dan taught our daughter to say "The voices in my head won't let me sleep at night" when she was rather young...

[conuly]

I wish Jenn would let me do that....

But noooooo. I can't have any fun with my own niece...

(I did encourage her to "what's that" everything, but it kinda backfired as it mostly seems to annoy me.)

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

Sadly, the only child-corrupting I've gotten to do it mehndi`ing the Key To Hell on the shin of a kid a friend of mine was nannying (what is the proper verb for that?), and the time friends visited with their two-day-old daughter and we had her grip the hilt of my then-husband's wakizashi.

Sadly, I have no photos of either.

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

Best first words ever.

[amarafox.livejournal.com]

I feel dirty having just read that *scrubscrubscrub*

[fledchen.livejournal.com]

I'd bet this family is from Utah...

[elfster.livejournal.com]

Ew, just ew.

I'm so glad my mother wasn't like that.

[marveen.livejournal.com]

You're right. "Commanded" makes me twitchy, as is the gooey-eyed assumption that of COURSE little Rye is going to be a wife and "Mommy", what else would she be?