conuly

Allow me to introduce a nifty thing called the subjunctive. The subjunctive is a little-used part of English verbs. You use it to express things that you wish would happen, or that you hope will happen, or that might happen, as well as things which are contrary-to-fact and are not, in fact, happening or going to happen.

Examples of the subjunctive in English:

If I should die before I wake, I pray that God my soul would take. (This is the future less vivid, also known as the should/would.)

If I were you, I would know better. (Contrary to fact present)

If I had known then what I know now.... (Contrary to fact past)

Notice that these sentences all include the word if, indicating possibilities and... stuff. Notice also that the subjunctive is conjugated completely differently from the indicative, even in English....

When I die before I wake, God will take my soul.

When I am you, I know better. (Not likely, but let's pretend)

Since I knew then what I know now....

You see the differences?

GOOD.

Now stop saying "If I was". It sounds stupid.

Peeve two is as follows:

You're not me. You never will be me. However, if you were me you would want, feel, and do exactly what I do. Because you would be me. You would have my memories, feelings, genetics, clothes, everything. So don't say "If I were you" when you mean "If I were in your place".

It's bad enough that you presume to know what you would want if you were in a situation that you've never been in, but at least it's logical that you might do something different than what I would do in that situation. Stop pretending that if you were me, I would be different and do different things. It doesn't work that way.