On the OTHER hand, this has given me an icon idea...

[conuly]

Conuly:

The aspie with

Femaleness
Intelligence
Humor
Literacy

Except... weird thing... I'm not thinking up more nice words for myself. Wow. Now I feel bad :(

Still, this could beat out "obviously incredibly high functioning" for righteous amusement value.

Comments

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

The more I see 'high functioning' the more it annoys me.

I can't explain why. Tried to start a few paragraphs about it, but none of it made sense. I have a hard time expressing myself in this form, in comments or posts.

[conuly]

Well, the quote is about somebody whom nobody would reasonably call high functioning (and, yes, I know it's a loaded term), so it really, really, really pissed me off. And then, when we all tried to explain why it was a bad statement, they changed their definition of high functioning rather than admit they were wrong.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

For me its not so much its a loaded term, because honestly it's not a part of my life in that it directly affects me or anyone in my immediate circles.

It's more that as I learn more, it seems off. Not right. Like to me, my friends, aquaintences who I guess would be termed 'high functioning' are just 'differently quirked' from my world view.

And then my 'normal' friends, well, some of them are BARELY FUNCTIONING in that I swear I wonder how they make it through the day. They're just that disfunctional.

So why don't they get that label, too?

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Where is the quote?

[conuly]

Oh, you remember. In metaquotes, ages ago.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. The one where the moderator stopped me from being able to respond.

*growl*

[conuly]

Maintainer.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Ah yes.

Did you know that she has another LJ and she's someone who dropped my LJ about a year and a half ago because of the autism issue? She knew me in real life and refuses to believe I'm autistic. Thinks I'm 'putting on airs.'

[leora.livejournal.com]

Well, you know Asperger's is in this year (http://www.livejournal.com/community/dot_gimp_snark/56000.html). You might have missed the memo.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Ah. See, the Trendy Problem Of The Month Club doesn't know I've moved. No wonder I missed the memo.

[leora.livejournal.com]

Maybe because it belittles the reality of the situation. I don't like when people drastically underestimate my level of disability. It's part of my life. And I have to live with it. I accept it. The least others can do is not evade the subject as if it's this huge, scary thing.

I'm not autistic, so the terms high-functioning aren't generally applied to me. But there's the whole "moderately disabled" versus "severely disabled" issues. And I will freely admit that I am between the two and on bad days amd clearly severely disabled. When people try to minimize the disability, that's when they start blaming me. Sure, not everyone will do that, but that's my experience. I think it says more about me that I've managed to do so much despite serious disabilities. And that means more than pretending I'm able. I'm not able and I know it. But I'm also generally not ashamed of it either. And I don't want to have to hide the problems, to shove them aside as things I can't discuss or have to minimize. They're there and real, and far too many people want to pretend I'm normal.

I know I'm a little overly sensitive on this point, but for my first two years of being disabled, I did try to minimize it. I fell into that trap. And I became much sicker. I would be stuck in bed for weeks because I tried to pretend I could walk around like a normal person. Now I try to accept my limitations and do what I can with them.

And well, if you have to be disabled, it's more fun to be in your face about it and force people to accept you as who you are.

It might be something like that for you, but it is a different thing. Autism/Asperger's aren't disabilities in the same way that muscular weakness, fatigue, chronic pain, etc. are. But I think the core issue may just be wanting to be seen honestly for both strengths and weaknesses. Just to have people look at the real picture and face up to it just as it is.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

This sort of reminds me of one particular session of group therapy I was in, for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Where we discussed that we had to at least mentally stop rating our abuse by how far it went. That you shouldn't feel like you were better off because you only were forced to give oral sex instead of full blown penetration -- it was still abuse, and you still had to deal with it. Don't minimize, don't maximize either (in other words "i'm more screwed up because I had this happen younger/with more people/etc."). Just -- deal with it? Not the right phrase. But don't spend all the time trying to put it on some sort of scale of fucked-up-ed-ness.

Oh, wonder what people think about this -- figure this crowd will be honest. I remember after an accident I was in, on a horse, people kept telling me I was lucky. Lucky that I wasn't like Christopher Reeves. I certainly didnt FEEL lucky. I mean ok, I am glad I am walking and functioning and its not a major problem in my life, but a lot of people acted like I should be so incredibly grateful that it wasnt worse. Just seemed weird. Odd. Wrong.

[leora.livejournal.com]

Those are good points... I think you're on the right track. I admit, I haven't given it too much thought...

As to your incident, I'd want to retort, "But if I were even luckier, I wouldn't have had an accident,"

I guess it's like the, "It could always be worse" statements. I don't like them. I know that, but it could also always be better. And besides, I'm tired of "It could always be worse", because my situation was getting progressively worse, so not only could it, it soon would be.

I do think rating is bad though. It doesn't help. And also, if you kind of identify with the community of disabled people or those with your disability, being told you're not like some other members of it just feels like an attack on those members. "At least you'tre not totally blind." Well, what if I were... what about those people. Many of them are much more able than I am and do quite fine and don't want your pity, thank you very much.

I do agree with the general sentiment that you can't compare your good and bad experiences to other people's, because it's subjective. And an incident that is nothing to one person can be huge to another. And it's just pointless to say, I was hurt more... I'm somehow stronger than you. Or, you were hurt more, I'm less fucked up.

I need to think about this more. But I think there are good ideas in this general area that if I can get them through my head enough will be able to come out smoothly in words someday.

Thanks for the comment. :)