*sighs*

[conuly]

So, somebody posted that annoying flashy image saying that "Marriage is not about Race, Religion, National Origin, Gender, Physical Disability, Et Cetera" on a couple of comms I'm in.

Wait... physical disability?

Which is pretty much what I said, prompting the reply that "well, people with mental disabilities have to be screened to make sure that they understand and consent to marriage".

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I thought that depression was considered a mental disability? And bipolar disorder? And our favorite syndrome, asperger's (let's not get into that debate again, I have a point to make)? And I suppose dyslexia could be considered a mental disability, being as how it's a disability of the mind (though I recognize that this isn't the normal term used), and ADD, and... well, other things. Heck, one could make the case that being in love is a mental disability.

But maybe I'm mistaken.

Comments

[cumaeansibyl.livejournal.com]

Nowhere did I say that I was talking about IQ tests. The only thing an IQ test measures is your ability to take tests. I also didn't say anything about "mental age"; what I meant by "thinking on that child-like level" is not anything about cognitive capabilities in the quantifiable sense but rather whether or not the person in question is capable of understanding and carrying out the responsibilities that come with marriage. I'm sorry if you found the child analogy offensive, but honestly it's the best one I could think of; children simply don't have the capacity to understand some things, and neither do some mentally retarded people. That's why I said counselling was important -- not IQ testing, counselling -- by someone who can do a thorough evaluation of a person's level of comprehension as regards marriage (or living on their own, getting a job, et cetera -- any of these big life responsibilities that, frankly, a lot of "normal" people can't handle).

[wakasplat.livejournal.com]

any of these big life responsibilities that, frankly, a lot of "normal" people can't handle

That's actually the crux of my problem with the whole thing. The rest of what I said was just about the construction of some of the arguments people use around it.

"Normal" people are allowed to take the chance that they can't handle it. Whether they understand that they are taking that chance or not, whether they understand what they are getting into or not, whether they understand what they are doing in any particular way or not.

"Normal" people are not forced by default into counseling before they decide to live on their own, marry, or have a job.

I have no faith in the expertise of an outside-appointed counselor to decide who is ready and who is not. If I had that faith, I wouldn't be where I am now. I have a friend — diagnosed as retarded and autistic among a ton of other things — who is still trapped behind those gatekeepers who say he's not ready for freedom and will never be ready. My main fear is that he'll kill himself since his desire for freedom doesn't match his professionals' belief in his ability to handle it (they are operating out of a very false system), but he has no other means of easy escape.

I've seen the professional gatekeepers at work way too often. They already exist in the developmental disabilities field. And it's frankly none of their business deciding for us which of us who want to marry, move away from our parents, live in whatever living arrangements we want to live in, and so forth. If they have a business at all it should be in (if we even want them to) making our decisions work for us, not in constraining our decisions.

If two adults express a wish to marry each other — and I'm not claiming they'd always know what they're doing, who does? — it shouldn't have to go before someone else who can then say "Sorry, your reasons don't match the ones I would have for you, and your understanding of marriage doesn't match mine." This nearly happened to a relative of mine who was trying to get married. I can't really think of any error disabled people could make in this instance that hasn't been duplicated time and time again by non-disabled people.